AIBU to not be able to get passed this?

[buttermymuffins]

Be gentle as this is affecting my mental health. DH1 voted leave, I voted remain. I can't get over my anger with him. He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU. He has never voted Conservative in his life but has a very strong moral compass. He totally does not see that his vote to leave has contributed to this mess we are in as a country and the long lasting impact it Will have on our 2 DCs. Does anyone else have a partner who voted differently and feels very strongly about it? How have you got through it? I am so upset at the state of this country but I just can't talk about it with him. Please don't say to respect his decision & move on because the impact of leave is so far reaching & will have such an impact on so many aspects of our lives for so long. I work in a business where I see this every day - not just from a business point of view but people's attitudes, tolerance levels etc. Maybe it's a sign of a deeper rooted problem between us which I need to explore. Help. It's making me so sad.

I do have many close friends who voted leave and my solution there is to never bring it up.

I thought they were wonderful, smart people before they voted leave, so let's focus on that and forget the other thing.

They probably think I'm an equally stupid leftie remoaner who doesn't get it.

OK maybe saying 'absolute weirdo' is insensitive, I meant it's weird to be concerned to this level and you should let it go.

I hope you are getting the help you need RE MH

If you get bent out of shape about someone voting differently to you, you're the one with the problem, not them.
This ^^. People have different opinions on all sorts of matters, not just politics. If you can't have a respectful discussion on something then just avoid talking about it. There are plenty of other things to talk about instead - just pick one of them.

If your vote had been the majority would you be ok with your dh being angry at you for your contribution?

That's the whole point of a vote. You cast yours and they are counted. You lost because you were in the minority. Don't blame him.

My DH and I voted the same way as you and yours, but mine had different reasons from yours, and I respect his decision, as we researched (what was available) together, but reached different conclusions based on that rather than headlines in the papers.

You really really do need to move on, respect your husband's right to make his own political decisions for himself and consider how you'd feel if the tables were turned if he behaved like this over your vote at the local / General / whatever elections.

You claim to respect his decisions, but your response shows you don't.
Brexit voters aren't thick, but... You think he is too now.
He is rigid in his thoughts... And you aren't?
You may not have realised, but you are saying one thing but thinking and feeling another.

This is not an example so far of anything deeper rooted in the relationship unless you come back with more examples of issues - it's one area you have strong feelings and he doesn't seem to.

He's not at all 'well read' though, DC got a number of concessions to add to the many we already have compared to other nations, exactly because it seems that the EU were well aware of the potential effect of UKIP pressure and a referendum. Unless by well read, you mean totally up on all the Daily Heil nonsense.

I am passionately Remain and I absolutely do not believe that everyone who voted Leave is thick or uninformed. There are some well thought out reasons for not being a part of the EU. There are aspects to the EU that are not great or good news for all its members.

However, I believe that the FACTS are that our current situation as long term EU members within a world set up in the way it is, trade deals etc., means that the horrific impact on every aspect of life that leaving will bring, deal or no deal, makes leaving an insane option even if you believe there would also be benefits.

Your DH is not stupid to cite reasons to leave, but seems extremely uninformed to cite DC's EU exchanges as one of them, let alone the main reason.

Someone at work openly admits they voted leave as a they viewed it as some kind of "social expeoriment"

I also don't see it as at all the same as general election voting. That involves a wide range of issues, this is one issue - it's very black and white.

My wife voted to remain, I voted to leave we certainly never fall out about it. I'm fairly certain she doesn't blame me (and the 17m+ other leave voters) for the mess the politicians are making of the negotiations.

I can't imagine ANYBODY would have voted for anything other than what they believed was best for their country (remain or leave), why would you?

As for this "I told you so" nonsense:

1. Are you genuinely saying you are happy for this 'Armageddon' to happen so that you can be smug about about it.
2. Why don't we actually wait and see what the outcome of Brexit is before we talk about the collapse of a nation and 'ruining our children's futures'

DH voted leave. I didn't. We've never fallen out over it. It is what it is.

OP FGS don't make it personal. Don't be angry with your DH.

If you must be angry, be angry at a political system that allowed a campaign full of lies and misinformation - or just plain lack of information - to result in the situation we're looking at now.

What's so sad about the whole Brexit situation is unwillingness to discuss it without so much anger. On both sides. DH and I both voted to remain, but we have friends who voted to leave. I don't agree with them, but accept that they have a different set of experiences and views. And I am willing to debate it at least. It's almost as if it has gone past the bounds of rationality and become a matter of idiology or even religion. I've heard such vitriol from both sides, that I wonder if we will even recover from this. I even think this irrational hatred is even worse than the economic impact of Brexit (as I see it).

What we are going through politically in this country is a shit show.

However, nobody actually knows what life after brexit is going to look like because everyone is still arguing about it! I’m not angry with anyone that voted leave, I appreciate living in a democracy. Just the same as when a general election doesn’t go the way I would have chosen!

Does anyone else have a partner who voted differently and feels very strongly about it? How have you got through it?

Not family, but I had a friend that voted brexit for 'sovereignty' reasons. Twat. I haven;t been bale to get over it and it has soured our friendship.

Anyway, this year off he fucks to live and work in Spain. Hope he gets kicked out on Brexit.

Don't be angry with your DH.

If you must be angry, be angry at a political system that allowed a campaign full of lies and misinformation - or just plain lack of information - to result in the situation we're looking at now.

But that is like saying "i;m not angry with you DH, I just think you are stupid and naive to have been taken in by the lies"

Hardly better is it?

I can't imagine ANYBODY would have voted for anything other than what they believed was best for their country (remain or leave), why would you?

Um, actually lots of people voted for brexit because it served their personal interests.

An acquaintance is a contract lawyer and he voted brexit as he thought he would get loads of work out of it. Hardly for the good of our country.

I think the frustration comes from the opinion and vote being very misinformed and misjudged - e.g. having no better reason than 'they laughed at David Cameron' or 'we're full, we don't need more immigrants, help our own out' blah blah

The PP commenting about her partner in econmics made sense - if you have an opinion based on well researched, evidential facts, then fair enough. The problem is, most people don't and still continue to insist Brexit the right thing to do!

I've had to mute MANY friends and family members on Facebook because of this, they continue to share posts that are either completely falsified or just a load of rubbish based on xenophobic views. Makes me very very angry!

What's so sad about the whole Brexit situation is unwillingness to discuss it without so much anger. On both sides. DH and I both voted to remain, but we have friends who voted to leave. I don't agree with them, but accept that they have a different set of experiences and views. And I am willing to debate it at least. It's almost as if it has gone past the bounds of rationality and become a matter of idiology or even religion. I've heard such vitriol from both sides, that I wonder if we will even recover from this

I agree, it's the division that's the real problem.

In my experience (and it is only my experience), the majority of the vitriol (certainly the personal attacks) come from the remain site who accuse ANYONE who voted to leave as 'being an idiot' or 'ruining the country' with a pseudo intellectual/moral superiority.

Don't get me wrong there is some pretty aggressive and ignorant stuff from the leave side too (although it seems less personal in my experience).

I don't understand where we've got to a point where we are accusing 50% of our friends, parents and partners of being idiots and, to actually think about breaking up a marriage (with children!) over it, is fucking madness!

Harsh as this maybe you need to grow up. You won’t always think the same. And let’s put it into perspective one extra vote to remain still wouldn’t get a remain vote. And of course he is right, the eu where asked for concessions and told David to piss off. They had the option to do something and didn’t. Must admit I don’t understand all this wailing from Remainers. We joined a common market, ok Happy with that, but not the rest of the crap the eu have done.

I'm in the US and the only parallel I can draw is Trump. If my DH had voted for him, I would have left him.

It's more than just a difference in 'political philosophy', it's the mindset behind the difference that I couldn't tolerate. The 'immigrants are bad we must get the 'others' out' and that the less fortunate amongst us 'brought it on themselves, they deserve poverty' mindset. 'Britain' First' is no different than 'Make American Great Again'.

But that is like saying "i;m not angry with you DH, I just think you are stupid and naive to have been taken in by the lies"

No it's not. The whole campaign was a total farce and we were all voting blind in the end.

Oh my god, are you so dramatic about everything in your life? Christ, you sound like such hard work!

So is he not allowed to have a different opinion? Is anyone? Or do we all have to agree with you on everything?

Snowflake much?

Dh couldn’t vote at the time but would have voted remain. He now has citizenship because of Brexit. The rest of my family bar my cousin and her husband voted leave. My mother, stepfather, aunt (cousins mother), brother voted leave for the combi reasons of harking back to the glory days of ruling the waves and on immigration.

I tell her we aren’t going to discuss it when she starts. She didn’t have a clue about my views until after the vote, assuming I voted the same and contacted me jubilantly that “we won”. And my reason for saying nothing? She has an opinion on everything so it’s hard to get a point in edgeways. Any views I have, which differ from hers are seen as a sign of dissent. Off the back of being pro EU she decided I would be woke (not that she knows this expression) in other areas such as being pro TRA. Because that’s what remainers to her apparently are. .

Noooooo I’m not angry at being compartmentalised as wrong and defective again. No not I. 😬

Well you now have another choice - for your marriage - you can either vote leave or remain but perhaps you should consider the "long lasting impact it will have on your dc's"

I think you should un-knot your knickers and get over it.

Yeah you do seem overdramatic about this to me. Does he have to agree with you the whole time? Do you know why he voted as he did?