AIBU to not be able to get passed this?

[buttermymuffins]

Be gentle as this is affecting my mental health. DH1 voted leave, I voted remain. I can't get over my anger with him. He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU. He has never voted Conservative in his life but has a very strong moral compass. He totally does not see that his vote to leave has contributed to this mess we are in as a country and the long lasting impact it Will have on our 2 DCs. Does anyone else have a partner who voted differently and feels very strongly about it? How have you got through it? I am so upset at the state of this country but I just can't talk about it with him. Please don't say to respect his decision & move on because the impact of leave is so far reaching & will have such an impact on so many aspects of our lives for so long. I work in a business where I see this every day - not just from a business point of view but people's attitudes, tolerance levels etc. Maybe it's a sign of a deeper rooted problem between us which I need to explore. Help. It's making me so sad.

You get through it by agreeing not to talk about it, and just focussing on other things.

I do know what you mean though, OP: for me, it was disappointing, and jarring when this is someone with whom I have been so
aligned
for such a long time, So, we respect that each of us considered this carefully and have good reasons. When we realised we would never agree, we agreed to stop talking about it. This also means that we can't watch Question Time or listen to Any Questions, but I think that that may have, in fact, improved my life. (Tiny bit of consolation.)

The 'immigrants are bad we must get the 'others' out' and that the less fortunate amongst us 'brought it on themselves, they deserve poverty' mindset. 'Britain' First' is no different than 'Make American Great Again'.

It's not really like Trump at all. I don't think you fully understand all of the reasons that people voted for Brexit. Anyway, expressing that unrestricted immigration is maybe not the best approach isn't the same as thinking that immigrants are 'bad' or racist at all. Given that many of the more economically depressed areas voted leave also suggests it wasn't to do with others 'deserving poverty.'

Maybe in time you will see he was right.

You are catastropizing to such a degree you seem to have lost the ability to think rationally. Your life and the country really is not, and will not be in ruins.

Many families voted differently, they deal with it with humour, like ours. I recommend you try that, or get some help with anxiety.

Me & DH voted differently, we just don’t bother to discuss it.

We have different views, it is what it is.

I voted leave DH voted stay. We have had many discussions on our views and agree to disagree. However just recently with all the sheanigans over Brexit he has changed his view- totally unprovoked by me.
He is an adult and can form his own opinions-- we are not joined at the hip.
OP l think your anger is unjustified. Do you try to control his other views and opinions?

It's more than just a difference in 'political philosophy', it's the mindset behind the difference that I couldn't tolerate

I can't agree with that statement, because they're are more shades of grey than people are claiming. Not everyone voted Brexit because they are a raging right wing racist Daily Heil reading wannabe.

We've heard examples here of economists with greater insight than others, selfish lawyers wanting business via the change in law, people falling for the sovereignty argument and so on.

Trumpism is a poor analogy to the Brexit idealism, because you can be pro-Brexit without supporting a complete c*nt in the process in my view, and I'm a Remainer.

So are you telling me that you don’t think your husband should vote if he disagrees with you? Or that he should only vote if it’s the same as your vote?

Do you know how votes work? Everyone gets to have their say, not your say, not my say, but what they want. Get a grip love.

Ha! My DP and I both voted remain and have similar politics and values. And we STILL find nuanced aspects about Brexit to disagree on!! I agree with the poster above, I'd let it go unless a person's reason for voting are morally dubious - like racism or classism.

I have friends who are leave voters and remain voters, yet we all fall into broadly the same political compass, so I don't care.

Heh, I've just remembered that 2 GE ago, I voted Labour, and DH voted UKIP. At the last GE, I voted Lib Dem, and DH voted Green!

So politics change when people are open to debate and educating themselves. Don't wreck an otherwise healthy marriage - if it is a healthy marriage - on a single political isssue.

You could be channeling all your hatred towards Brexit onto your husband.
Every fallout from brexit is being blamed on your husband as he is the nearest thing to you for a reason it's happening.
Your anger should be with the Conservative party for giving us the vote. All The mps and the parties for the poor propaganda around the election and the infighting and poor negotiations that are happening now.
Your husband is not solely responsible for today's situation.

I think the scaremongering is causing some people to be really in a state about this.

When you've lived through the very real threat of nuclear war, Brexit doesn't seem so scary.

When you consider that we have 5 years to sort out climate change or it will be irreversible, Brexit doesn't seem so scary.

When you think that the whole world could be in global crisis in just 50 years because of climate change, Brexit doesn't seem so scary.

It will be ok OP. Go hug your husband and children.

If we all believed the same thing, life would be very boring!

half my family voted to stay and half voted out. And you’ll be surprised to know that most of the youngsters voted out and most of the older ones voted to stay! We are all equally highly educated and understand the pros and cons! We have all respected each other’s decision to vote which ever way we choose.

I did not grow up in the UK. If my husband voted UKIP or leave then yes I would struggle to get over it. I. Fact, to be honest I would have left him.

Me and my DH both voted differently.
We now wish we had both voted the opposite way around.
We don't get upset with each other - we listen to, and respect each other's point of view.

Me and dh have different political views - I'm labour he's conservative- although we did both vote remain however I considered voting leave at times
It's important to remember that as with most of politics generally voters want similar things- good standard of living, public services, low crime, education, jobs etc but there are different routes to get there.
It doesn't make somebody a bar person if they don't have the exact same views as you and actually can make life more interesting - I notice now how many of my left wing friends are a bit of an echo chamber and find it refreshing being married to a Tory - although it does cause a few rows - and there are certain topics we can't mention as they're too inflammatory

I'm disappointed in our life-long friends who voted leave. I am an EU citizen, I've known them for 25 yrs, I've worked every day of the 20 years I lived in the UK. I feel cheated, also cheated out of prospects for our dual-nationality DC. I'm glad we left the UK in 2014.

I would have found it very difficult if DP had voted leave because politics really matters. It’s nothing like having a difference of opinion on which films, sports we like etc

If politics isn’t that important to you - as apparently is the case with many posters here - then you just don’t get it.

Some of the saddest stories have been from European citizens who are struggling to establish their right to remain - despite decades in the country, children, jobs etc - whose partners voted leave :(

My dh voted leave and I voted remain. However the contempt with which EU has treated the UK and their refusal to compromise is gradually changing my mind.

He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU

Was he high when he said this?

If not, then he's just ignorant, because that is not what happened.

I get why you feel the way you do.

My family are pretty much like likemethewayIam's. I've often voted for the losing side in elections and I've managed to carry on my life without too much trauma. What I've found deeply shocking over the referendum is the awful vitriol from the remain side labelling all the leavers as uneducated, narrow-minded racists who are dreaming of the days of empire and who believed every daft thing that appeared on the side of a bus. This is certainly not the case in my family.

Your DH voted Leave because the EU laughed at one of the worst PM's we ever had? That may be the silliest reason I've heard so far...

But it's not worth risking your mental health or your marriage over. His one vote did not tip the scales.

If politics isn’t that important to you - as apparently is the case with many posters here - then you just don’t get it.

Politics is extremely important to me, always has been and I've always been involved in politics. Fortunately I'm also capable of seeing things from others point of view! What do you think being a politician is... representing ones constituents involves meeting and understanding the points of view of a vast variety of people. I suggest you actually look to the civil and friendly relationships that many of our mps have with each other, regardless of party or position...it's only the Corbynites that can't seem to see past their own anger and divisive politics.

I have some very valued old friends whose reasons for voting to stay in the EU were....'um because we like to travel'....!

Both educated highly and holding down senior jobs, l was shocked, not because they voted to stay, but beacause they didn't know WHY they voted to stay .
Your DH has his reasons, he has thought about it, just because you disagree does NOT make you right and him wrong.

Let it go.

I can see why someone would be upset at their life partner voting in a way that indicated different values and/or a different world view.

I think I would find it very hard to live with/share my life with someone who held diametrically opposed values to mine on certain key issues.

So I think it get it. But are you willing to sacrifice your marriage on this? Are you able to just put it aside and not talk about it? The vote is done and the cards will fall as they fall. If he said sorry and that he regretted it would that make a difference (it won't to the fallout but would it to your relationship?)? Is it still too raw given the stage of the process you're at? If it isn't as bad as predicted (grasping at straws here) could you move on? If it is as bad as predicted with every related issue make you mad as hell with him? Is he the scapegoat for how angry you are with the idiocy that started with Cameron and still continues? He was a contributing factor in the mess. But there are others more culpable. Are the reasons (or lack of them) for voting to leave the issue?

The vote is done. I think you need to dig into why you feel as you do. And what it will take for you to get beyond this. Sometimes time is enough. Other times it needs more.