AIBU to not be able to get passed this?

[buttermymuffins]

Be gentle as this is affecting my mental health. DH1 voted leave, I voted remain. I can't get over my anger with him. He says he had no moral option because Europe laughed in the face of David Cameron when he tried to negotiate our terms in the EU. He has never voted Conservative in his life but has a very strong moral compass. He totally does not see that his vote to leave has contributed to this mess we are in as a country and the long lasting impact it Will have on our 2 DCs. Does anyone else have a partner who voted differently and feels very strongly about it? How have you got through it? I am so upset at the state of this country but I just can't talk about it with him. Please don't say to respect his decision & move on because the impact of leave is so far reaching & will have such an impact on so many aspects of our lives for so long. I work in a business where I see this every day - not just from a business point of view but people's attitudes, tolerance levels etc. Maybe it's a sign of a deeper rooted problem between us which I need to explore. Help. It's making me so sad.

Raspberry88 I manage to be civil & friendly with all comers thanks - it’s kind of my job to discuss this kinda stuff - but I could not share my life with someone who had such fundamentally different beliefs.

You say you are capable of seeing other viewpoints yet your last sentence rather shatters your claims to reasonableness...?

@Gth1234 I am most offended that you could even think that there might be grammatical errors when I post!

OP Turn it on its head - he may feel as many do, that there was no status quo to be had by staying; he didn't like the direction of travel, and that it was better to leave now than later. No-one could tell him where we would be in a decade if we stayed in, and the long lasting impact it would have on our lives.

Should he resent you for voting remain perhaps?

I'm a staunch Remainer, but there are staunch Leavers in my family (not dh though). Frankly, there were such a lot of lies and half-truths in the run-up to the referendum, and so few people (including Remainers and most politicians, probably) had a proper understanding of what Brexit would actually mean, that I can't bring myself to blame Leavers to the point that it would affect my personal relationships. I blame the Tories for allowing a referendum in the first place.

My DH and I voted differently and it's had no noticeable impact on our relationship. We have discussed our reasons and we aren't that far apart in our thoughts at all. If we were polar opposites politically otherwise I would t have married him.

But this is one issue with lots of elements too it. I way would I let it impact our relationship that much

People are allowed to change their mind...or respond to current circumstances...

Absolutely, and those that like them are allow to dislike those changes.

I can't control what others think and do. I definitely don't want to control my loved ones. But I'm also allowed to think for myself and disagree so strongly that I'd struggle to live with the person. That wouldn't invalidate or denigrate their choices. It would simply be me, making mine.

I don’t think you can blame your dh as plenty of others did the same. We knew it was going to be bad but the way the govt are behaving in ALL sides is what’s amounting to our current chaos imo.

I refuse to date anyone who voted leave unless they have a fucking good cogent argument as to why. Most don't. Some do.

It's their thought processes which interest me

Sadly ime most people who voted leave just believed the hype and didn't have a cogent thought process

To be married to someone who voted leave without the cogent thought process would mean I'd want to kill him

That's illegal

Orchidfeed

You're quite right, it does sound very unreasonable. Fair one. I can completely understand why people would vote for Corbyn, plenty of my family did and it's where my politics was 10 years ago (socialism wise, not horrid anti semitism wise!) I do really dislike that strain of divisive politics though, I think that's what I was getting at. There are plenty of great friendships and relationships between people with very opposing views!

Absolutely, and those that like them are allow to dislike those changes.

Yes, absolutely...it was a response to the idea of being lied to from day 1...

This comes down to what you see as tolerable and intollerable differences in marriage. Whereas some people don’t see differing political opinions in marriage as important, some see it as a dealbreaker. OP You are obviously in the latter group.

Everyone who voted, regardless of how they voted, did so in complete ignorance. Your husband is no different. The people who created this mess are those who decide to put an incredibly complex issue to the vote in the first place and those who one moment told us the referendum was non-binding and the next moment decided it was an absolute mandate. Blame the real villains. The rest of us, the electorate, we've been played.

I'd feel the same as you, OP, if my DH had voted leave, and for a reason so ridiculous as that. My DH and I have different views on things, and don't vote the same in GE's, but we're on the same side of the spectrum (labour, LD or Green), which I think is important.
There are members of DH's family who voted leave for ridiculous uninformed (or rather misinformed by the Sun and DM) reasons. I am furious with them. If they lived in a town seriously affected by EU immigration, or had some solid political or economic reasons for a lack of belief in the EU, then I'd accept it. But they don't. So I spend a lot of time avoiding the B word as there is a very big risk of me telling them to fuck off to the far side of fuck. Which would not be good for family relations

OP I would feel the same. Dh and I both voted remain and I would have been so disappointed in him if he had voted leave.

But, we've been together a long time and I know what sort of person he is so knew how he'd vote.

Look, I can understand feeling uncomfortable if your partner expresses extreme views that you didn't expect. Voting leave is not an extreme view...I think that people are massively understating how complicated the referendum was.

My Dad voted leave. I try and avoid discussing Brexit as I just get so angry! I love my Dad to bits, but he's your typical DM reader and says infuriating things like "Europe need us more than we need them" and "we managed fine before" 🙄

However, I refuse to let this come between us. The fallout from Brexit will be bad enough, without us fighting with our loved ones about it.

Look, I can understand feeling uncomfortable if your partner expresses extreme views that you didn't expect. Voting leave is not an extreme view.
It's not necessarily an 'extreme view', but I would struggle to be with someone who was willing to vote for something that self-evidently had no plan whatsoever. If they were choosing to vote for something that was properly risk-assessed, costed etc., but which i didn't agree with, I would put that down to 'difference of opinion', but IMO voting for something that had no shape, form or plan, and whose proponents ranged from extreme racists like EDL to wide boys like NF and BJ, who couldn't even agree with each other what Brexit should be, I would honestly feel at odds with them. (Apart from "Brexit means Brexit", of course )

Me and oh are leavers, some close friends are remainers. All of us voted our chosen way for very good reasons. Quite frankly im fed up of leavers being portrayed as regretting their decision or uneducated as i firmly want out and am educated enough to make that decision.
I can compare a lot of passionate remainers i know if to passionate vegans....in that they will constantly preach about it until they lose your friendship unfortunatly

I don’t think it matters which way anyone voted 2 /2 years ago. The problem has been the inane way that the MPs have behaved. The current crisis is down to selfish vainglorious desperate attempts to hang onto / gain power and Brexit has become a self-serving exercise for the selfish few to the detriment of the “ordinary” people.

My DH voted Leave. I voted Remain. My DH now understands why I am stockpiling, refusing to book a summer holiday and to hang onto our savings rather than get the bathroom refurbed.

Surfskate the OP's DH's reason for voting leave was not "educated"though, was it? Throughout this I have said if those who voted for or advocated for leave, could give me sound factual based reasons for doing so and a sound realistic plan on how Brexit can actually be followed through without significant problems and likely hardship for our country, then I'd do my best to understand and accept their choices. As of yet, that has not happened.

I can't imagine ANYBODY would have voted for anything other than what they believed was best for their country (remain or leave), why would you?

So you didn't see, the morning after the vote, the interview with a student who said he only voted that way as a protest vote because he expected Remain to win? Or the interview with the ex-pats in Marbella whose wife said she voted Leave because her husband told her to? I remember them very well. And others.

I can respect someone who voted leave who has a reasonable and factual point of view. I can't respect someone who voted leave who talks bollocks that can be disproved in a two-minute Google search.

@Surfskatefamily The gauntlet has been thrown down. Genuine question, not goady, but what were your reasons for voting leave?

I have a friend who voted leave, and after a heated argument, we now avoid the topic. There is no point, it is what it is.

However what I find interesting is a celebrity, I can't recall who, said when it comes to thr job losses, the people who voted leave should be first up. And the leavers kicked off. I don't understand this. If you voted for something that will cause job losses, you should be owning it and first in thr firing line. The attitude of I voted leave, it was correct, but I don't want to be rhe one to lose my job over it, someone else can, sucks.

@Bluntness100 It was Terry Christian. Yes, it caused much foaming at the mouth. Amused me no end.

"He is very intelligent & well read, not thick at all as someone said. Which is why it infuriates me even further."

Perhaps maybe you need to listen and understand why he voted Leave then instead of casting him as the village idiot and seemingly the sole cause of 'this whole mess'.

Nothing to do with the Government's complete lack of a contingency plan should the EU ever fail no... Not their fault at all. Nothing at all to do with them fucking about trying to get a deal instead of giving everyone a firm 'Leave means Leave' and plenty of time to prepare and sort out their business affairs. No, nothing to do with the Government's total idiocy yawn.