Please make me feel better with your farty stories

[taxiforme]

Aaagh
Did a giant trumple right in the face of my lovely young man chiropractor.. damn you salad lunch.
Make me feel better with your farty stories...I can't face him again.

Funny how you really dont give a shit when you fart during labour too. I remember following through with pistachio ice cream poo whilst pushing with my first. I'd eaten a whole tub of the stuff the night before and DH swears when he looked at the business end it looked the same as when it went in. That's not really a farty story tho OP, sorry.

Bookmarked this at page three so I can pick up tomorrow when my OH isnt trying to.sleep next to.me because I have uncontrollable teary laughter

Years ago when I was with my bastard ex we went on holiday on an 18-30. As I was due on whilst we were away I took those period stopping pills

Which gave me horrific farts

To
The point we were in a night club and the tour guide shouted ‘whoever keeps farting stop it it’s rank!’

Legs up in stirrups being stitched up after having DD1, I had no control and farted loudly in the midwife's face many many times. Unfortunately the ground didn't swallow me up as I wanted it to!

Pulling a late at work, all on my tod. Outside my office was dark and the only other person doing the same was at the other side of the building. Let out a ripper.
After a few seconds a voice said "i heard that".
Turns out a techie was holed up in the outside office doing out of hours wiring stuff under the desks with a head torch.
I was mortified.

Went on the Harry Potter tour and exDP had a bad tum the last few days. We were walking through the train and she let out an almighty fart that instantaneously made me dry heave, not realising there was another family making their way onto the train.

All I remember is pushing my kids forwards telling them we didn't have time for photos and we need to get out quickly whilst hissing at exDP "I can't believe you just farted on the Hogwarts Express"

Was in a crowded lift once (at a large company where I worked), and i got no pre-warning that this sbd fart was coming out, so after the smell had risen to nose level, I turned round and gave this guy a filthy look, as though to say 'thats disgusting', then other people started giving him 'the look', and started trying to edge away from him, and I was so relieved they didnt suspect it was really me. I got off at the next floor and took the stairs. That poor fella!

OP, please know that your doctor fart has brought forth this thread which has brought about much amusement and humor to the masses. May this thread live on forever.

This thread is hysterical especially the centre parting 🤣
We'd just moved into a new area and my DB was helping us move. DH had gone to work, we went and did some shopping. I'd stupidly left my keys at home so we were locked out. Went to pub across road to wait for DH to get home. It was pretty rough with a few hard grumpy looking men at the bar and a really scary looking landlady. DB got our drinks and 3 pickled eggs which he wolfed down with his Guiness. The fart was mind blowing (or should that be arse blowing?) It was soooo loud and stinky and he sat there vigorously tromboning for ages whilst saying "For Christ's sake, penguin, give it a rest!" I could have killed him. Afterwards there was total silence and all eyes on me. I was mortified so I got up, said thank you and walked out never to go there again. He still teases me about it now the egg gobbling sod.

"I can't believe you just farted on the Hogwarts Express"

Omg I'm crying

I'm just wondering if a fart on the Hogwarts Express would have magical powers?

gummywitch it was like a trombone 😂😂😂

Omg, this thread just gets better and better. I find farts hilarious and was teaching one day when a 5 year old let a proper old man fart rip. The whole class started laughing and one put their hand up and said "Miss Fidget, someone's farted". I was biting the inside of my mouth trying not to laugh and had to say "yes I heard it. Now, back to poetry".

Top tip for if you fart in a meeting. Just brazen it out and say in a really pompous voice "And I want that minuting".

Not that I have ever had to do this - oh no indeed not.

It was last seen heading for Mexico in a determined sort of way

Puzzledandpissedoff, can I steal that for my new username? Serious question.

Sbd at a tightly packed gig. No escaping. It was FOUL. I don't think i was found out but if you took an aerial photo of the circle of truly horrified faces and gagging sounds, i would have been at its epicentre..

Feel free, DarlingNikita - I get blamed for so much anyway that one more thing will make no difference

Thank you!

"I can't believe you just farted on the Hogwarts Express"

DH also farted on the Hogwarts Express. I didn't find that quite as funny as his Protest Fart in the lobby of Trump Tower.

Trying so hard not to laugh out loud - open plan office.

At one of my old jobs the printer and photocopier was away from the desks and by the loos so I thought it was safe to go round and let rip while everybody else was at their desks. Unfortunately at the moment of expulsion a colleague appeared. I hoped they thought it was the nearby toilet!!

Now I try to fart subtly in the work toilets but I suddenly felt unwell at work a few months ago and couldn’t keep one in - thankfully no-one commented as they were probably more relieved I didn’t throw up at that point.
I can easily walk down the road farting as I go! Only really do that when there’s no-one about for fear of gassing the local population.

DS farted in the Trump Tower to protest too!

Husband was once down below when I accidentally let one rip. He came up looking a bit green and said bloody hell that one had lumps in it.

Consider the Trump Tower looks like the inside of someone's stomach with all that mottled red marble, maybe it's not inappropriate to fart in it?

@TheVanguardSix I'm crying 😂