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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly hurt over this...dog and PIL issue

142 replies

turtlepoop · 19/02/2019 13:33

So it's FIL's birthday soon and it's a big one. PIL are hosting a big party in their house for the family.

The only children in the family are ours and BIL's DS who will be 7 months at the time.

PIL have a dog that is IMO aggressive, despite what they think. I really like dogs and I'm fine with my dc being near them, living where we do they need to be relaxed around dogs...but not this particular dog. I've first hand witnessed him try to bite a child in a pub garden, with his hackles up. Was bloody awful and the poor child looked traumatised. Luckily dog couldn't reach the child so didn't actually touch the child. He's not trained and totally out of control, but he's a Labrador so apparently can't possibly be aggressive.

Anyway we've been told we need to make alternative Childcare arrangements for the event because we have an issue with dc being near the dog and they want the dog there. Except we don't have anyone we can ask, my parents are on holiday at the time and nursery isn't open on a Sunday!!

Obviously I'm never going to compromise the dcs safety but also feel like they're being difficult for the sake of it and thought they'd want the dc to be part of the big event. They pay a dog minder to take the dog for long haul holidays all year round. 5 in the last year in fact, but apparently it's imperative the "fur baby" stays with them this time.

It makes us look even worse because BIL is staying from overseas and is staying at their house with his DS. He hasn't seen the dog around children and is taking MIL's word. I have a funny feeling he'll be requesting to stay with us after a few days.

OP posts:

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 19/02/2019 13:36

Just decline invite due to childcare issues. Or get a babysitter. Have you warned Bil about never leaving dog with baby?

GreenTulips · 19/02/2019 13:37

Don’t go

You can’t change their minds, so stay with the kids. Safely first!

A lab attacked out dog very aggressively, so not all are nice dogs. Mine was just walking and didn’t even see the attack, luckily my son dived on our dog and prevented injury - I’m proud he did this, but it was also a daft thing to do! Owner didn’t stop or ask how either were or if they’d been bitten.

RatherBeRiding · 19/02/2019 13:38

Their choice to have the dog there and expect you to magic up childcare. Your choice not to get drawn in to a situation not of your making. (And yes I agree it sounds like they are being difficult for the sake of it - putting their dog above their grand-children.)

So - you put your children above their dog and reply sweetly (or rather, your DH does seeing as these are HIS parents) "sorry we won't be able to attend. No child-care. Hope you all have a lovely time!".

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 13:39

They’re being ridiculous. Children come first no matter how much someone loves their dog. Sounds like you’ll have to miss out and send DH if they won’t compromise.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/02/2019 13:41

Is the dog going to be making a speech?
Just trying to work out why its presence is so vital

Kezzamo · 19/02/2019 13:44

I don't think I'd be going even if I could find childcare! Why should your ds miss out? You are a family and you come as a package.

I say this as the owner of 2 dogs. Whenever we have guests I always shut them away especially if there are children. One is a lab who I trust (as much as you ever should) and the other a rescue lurcher cross who can be unpredictable/ bouncy.

People come before animals no matter how much we love them.

Make a stand now. They will have to explain why you are not there. Safety always comes first

TildaTurnip · 19/02/2019 13:44

I’d say that you cannot go due to childcare but look forward to DH telling you all about it.

TwitterLovesMAPs · 19/02/2019 13:44

Don’t go. They’re being ridiculous.

Warn your BIL as well. An aggressive dog like that could kill a baby. It’s no joke.

Your PIL are idiots.

eggsandwich · 19/02/2019 13:49

I also think you need to tell bil how aggressive the dog is around childen and to never leave their child in the same room as it alone, I would also suggest he stays elsewhere as if anything happened to their children you would never forgive yourself and you wanted to tell him so he can make his own decision based on your concerns which is why your children will not be attending if the dog is.

Serenity45 · 19/02/2019 13:49

*Their choice to have the dog there and expect you to magic up childcare. Your choice not to get drawn in to a situation not of your making. (And yes I agree it sounds like they are being difficult for the sake of it - putting their dog above their grand-children.)

This

YANBU to be hurt over it either

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/02/2019 13:50

Do not pander to the show that they are nice family people.
They don't give a hoot about your dc.
Stay home and celebrate you put your dc first.
If anyone asks why you skipped the party just tell the truth.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/02/2019 13:56

A party is no place for a dog.
It will get overexcited by the noise and invariably get its tail stood on

Juells · 19/02/2019 13:58

Just decline invite due to childcare issues.

Yeah, that's what I'd do as well, and I'm a dog-lover.

thefirst48 · 19/02/2019 13:59

Let your partner go and you stay home with the kids.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 19/02/2019 14:00

My sil has a really agro dog and she puts it in kennels when we come to stay with our kids. I would politely decline the invite due to lack of child care

Drum2018 · 19/02/2019 14:01

I'd decline the invite.

SassitudeandSparkle · 19/02/2019 14:03

I can see both sides here tbh. It's a party in their house so I can see why they want the dog there. Equally, if I had doubts about the dog then no, I wouldn't take them there either.

Has it gone for your own children? Are they scared of it (hopefully not, but it would be a pretty compelling argument against attending!).

If your DH will go on his own, I would see what happens when he does because questions will be asked by other family members as to where you and the children are ...

Horrordoeurvres · 19/02/2019 14:03

I remember years ago I looked after my ex's friends Labrador for the day, it knocked the kitchen bin over and tried to eat a crisp packet then bit my hand the second I went near it. I hadn't even said anything or moved my hand towards its mouth and take the packet etc it just lunged at me - was in total shock/denial for ages. Been around big dogs and "bully breeds" my whole life and that's the only time I've ever been bitten.

Can't they just keep their dog in a separate part of the house or outside if the weather is nice?

We have two boxer dogs and one great Dane who are very boisterous - would never attack or hurt anyone on purpose they just get really excited and want to dive about and play with everyone, we stick them In the kitchen/utility room/back lounge or outside if we have guests over.

Nesssie · 19/02/2019 14:04

Actually in this instance, imo you are being unreasonable.
Their party, their house, their dog, their choice.
Your choice not to attend.
I wouldn't get rid of my dog for a party at my(and the dog's) home.

If its aggressive then I might shut it away from the main party but they obviously don't see the aggression so why, in their eyes, would they pay for their loved dog to be palmed off somewhere for a party in their own house?

diddl · 19/02/2019 14:04

What sort of a do is it?

As a pp has put, might not even be in the best interests of the dog to be there!

Well, if you can't get childcare then you can't, so it's all rather moot anyway.

Even if BIL does manage OK there with baby & dog, you're still entitled to be cautious wrt your own kids.

Fishwifecalling · 19/02/2019 14:07

Send your dp on his own.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/02/2019 14:08

Is the dog going to be making a speech?

They're just doing it to make a point. I wouldn't bother going. Just tell them they obviously value the dog more than their grandchildren and stay at home.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2019 14:09

They're trying to cause trouble OP. No one in their right mind wants their dog wandering around at a party (unless it really is going to make a speech). I have small dogs but I pay a sitter or get a friend to help out even if we are only having a few people over with young DCs.

pigsDOfly · 19/02/2019 14:10

They sound ridiculous. 'Sorry won't be coming to a family event if our family is not invited'.

If the dog is inclined to be aggressive it's possible it will get over excited with all the activity and become even more aggressive, especially if the aggression is fear related.

Agree BIL needs to be warned about the dog.

They're being very stupid putting the dog in that situation.

secondtimebuyer · 19/02/2019 14:11

I actually find it ridiculous when people say 'the dog was going to bite but wasn't near enough' - so you can't actually know. It's so easy to think a dog is going to bite but it's not. My dog puts my hand in it's mouth sometimes and just lets it rest there. But play fighting, coming close excitable I could confuse my dog for wanting to bite me.

Anyway, you've made your decision on that.

I would NEVER sacrifice my dog for anyone. Don't like the dog, don't go. Dogs are far less of a nuisance than children anyway.

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