To be slightly hurt over this...dog and PIL issue

[turtlepoop]

So it's FIL's birthday soon and it's a big one. PIL are hosting a big party in their house for the family.

The only children in the family are ours and BIL's DS who will be 7 months at the time.

PIL have a dog that is IMO aggressive, despite what they think. I really like dogs and I'm fine with my dc being near them, living where we do they need to be relaxed around dogs...but not this particular dog. I've first hand witnessed him try to bite a child in a pub garden, with his hackles up. Was bloody awful and the poor child looked traumatised. Luckily dog couldn't reach the child so didn't actually touch the child. He's not trained and totally out of control, but he's a Labrador so apparently can't possibly be aggressive.

Anyway we've been told we need to make alternative Childcare arrangements for the event because we have an issue with dc being near the dog and they want the dog there. Except we don't have anyone we can ask, my parents are on holiday at the time and nursery isn't open on a Sunday!!

Obviously I'm never going to compromise the dcs safety but also feel like they're being difficult for the sake of it and thought they'd want the dc to be part of the big event. They pay a dog minder to take the dog for long haul holidays all year round. 5 in the last year in fact, but apparently it's imperative the "fur baby" stays with them this time.

It makes us look even worse because BIL is staying from overseas and is staying at their house with his DS. He hasn't seen the dog around children and is taking MIL's word. I have a funny feeling he'll be requesting to stay with us after a few days.

Well I think it's up to them if they want their dog there.

However, there is no fucking way I would allow my DC near a dog that I had seen behave like that towards a child.

I would leave it for a while and then make it clear you won't be able to attend. Obviously if DH wants to attend without you, off he goes. Result for you I would have thought?

If she starts kicking up just say it's not up for discussion.

I have a dog who I love dearly. She is a medium husky cross who is very energetic. She is good with children to a point as she wants to lick and love everyone. She thinks everyone should love her😁

If someone was uncomfortable with her I would try and have her away. She is a pet as much as she is a comfort to me. Family before pets. I go to my parents and don’t bring her. Although on one accession had to stay there and they let me bring her. She settles in pretty quick.

If I had a family party at my residence I would absolutely find a dog sitter for the day. It would be overwhelming for the dog and the much noise and people is setting up the dog, any dog for potential failure. Any new or different scenario can be a set up for failure for a dog. A family party with many different people and kids is not worth it. Noise, music, people petting her, her feeling protective of the property and of me and the kids. Not worth testing her mettle or any dogs wether or not there was any aggression before or not. My dog has not shown any aggression or protection before. She does have hip displaycia which can affect her. It just would t be worth it as one bit can mean having to put her down.

She would be much happier on a play date with a friend for the day or night then coming home to a clean home.

With a dog who has shown any signs of aggression for whatever the reason, absolutely not.

However, there is no fucking way I would allow my DC near a dog that I had seen behave like that towards a child

Behave like what exactly? OP doesn't say she is proficient in dog language. Being tied to a table and reacting to a passing child in no way states the dog "went for a child". Most dogs love kids. Kids are interesting. They run, shriek and even play with a ball!

There is nothing in OP's posts that suggest the dog is reactive towards children. Most people who don't have dogs always seem to misinterp a dog with a wagging tail and happy disposition as wanting to attack. Let's face it many people don't like dogs (for whatever reason) and will do their level best to convince themselves, and others, that dogs can't be trusted. The grandparents have a very different view of a dog they have lived with for years.

I can't imagine any dog owner intentionally putting their grandchildren in danger from their dog. OP doesn't trust the dog with her children and that's fine. OP doesn't have to take her children to the party. There is no need for hysterics!

The kind of people who treat their dogs sentimentally as substitute babies and don't train them are usually utterly blind to any possibility the dog isn't perfectly perfect in every way, and very poor judges of whether their dog could be aggressive under certain circumstances (such as a party in an enclosed space with children running around!).

Most dog attacks on children are childen visiting the owner. Presumably all those owners thought or wanted to believe that their dogs were safe around children.

There is nothing in OP's posts that suggest the dog is reactive towards children

Really? Not even I've first hand witnessed him try to bite a child in a pub garden,

Really? Not evenI've first hand witnessed him try to bite a child in a pub garden

Yes really... The dog didn't bite the child. OP stated "the dog tried to bite the child". There is no evidence the dog tried to bite the child. I'm sure the dog would have bitten since if it had a mind to. There is no mention of the dog actually biting, ever! Only one mention of the dog "tried" to bite... You can take OP's word as gospel if you like... 🙄

Again...OP is under no obligation to attend a party with her children. None, whatsoever!

Why doesn't DH go on his own?

BlueSlipperSocks what about the OP's post yesterday at 17:58 -"it's a big event and one that we must attend apparently" and she goes on to say the in-laws won't accept the invitation being declined.

blueskiesovertheforest

BlueSlipperSockswhat about the OP's post yesterday at 17:58 -"it's a big event and one that wemustattend apparently" and she goes on to say the in-laws won't accept the invitation being declined

If OP decides she can't attend because she doesn't want her children being with a ferocious dog, that has never bitten, the choice is hers. Do you honestly think OP should go just because her in laws demand it? What world do you live in?!

the in-laws won't accept the invitation being declined

Bottom line is, unless the iLs are paying their mortgage or have some other financial/physical 'hold' over OP and her DH that would affect their well-being, they'll have to accept it, won't they? What other choice do they have? They can't very well come to OP's house and force them into a car at gunpoint and drive them to the party then force them inside at gunpoint. The most they can do is whine and cry and it's very easy NOT to answer a phone. To them or to flying monkeys.

The iL's are perfectly entitled to put their dog first. Their life, their choice. A stupid choice, but whatever. But OP is also perfectly entitled to say "That doesn't work for me" and not attend.

The in-laws won't accept the invitation being declined

Well....tough titty!

BlueSlipperSocks of course she shouldn't attend, but your post and claim is deliberately obtuse - her in laws very much believe that she is obligated to attend, and keep trying to wriggle the dog into OP's home too.

I don't think the op or her children should be going to the party, the grandparents son can show his face to answer questions honestly about why they aren't there.

PIL chose the dog's attendance at the party (FFS) over their grandchildren's.

AmIRightOrAMeringue
Remember everyone who's dog has attacked someone, was sure it wouldn't

Not sure about that!

The only dog that ever hurt a child in my presence was a labrador which was playing with my dog and suddenly went for my three-year-old son who was standing beside me, grabbing him and trying to throw him around as if he were a stuffed toy.

I never knew before that I could straight-arm seventy-plus pounds! I didn't even know I was going to before I picked the animal up by the scruff and held it out to the owner at arm's length with a "put this on the lead, please" -- which I think was pretty mild in the circumstances.

I didn't even lose it when the owner said (so help me) "Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought she'd stopped doing that"....

Some people are very strange about their dogs. You'd think that if she knew it made a habit of attacking small children, she might have put it on the lead, or at the very least warned me, but no.

My son healed and the scars faded. He was not afraid of dogs because of this attack, thank the lord, but insisted through his tears on giving our dog a cuddle to show him that it wasn't his fault. Poor little boy.

It makes me really mad that someone who professes to love their dog is willing to expose it to a situation where it may bite and ended up being destroyed. They should be protecting their dog just as much as their grandchildren but they're doing neither.

Idiots. Some people shouldn't be let within 10 miles of pets let alone allowed to own them.

They can't be forced to go, no - OP I would be spreading the word round the family before the in-laws do it that you are not going because of the dog.

Today 20:38SassitudeandSparkle

They can't be forced to go, no - OP I would be spreading the word round the family before the in-laws do it that you are not going because of the dog

Exactly! OP is adamant the dog is ferocious. She should let it be known...

blueskiesovertheforest

Of course she shouldn't attend, but your post and claim is deliberately obtuse - her in laws very much believe that she is obligated to attend, and keep trying to wriggle the dog into OP's home too

Where have I been obtuse? I have stated, many times, that if OP considers the dog to be dangerous she is well within her rights to decline the invitation. Is there a problem with her declining? Most people decline invitations for one reason or another.

I declined an invitation when my ds was at nursery. He was invited to a party of a boy at nursery who was known to bite the faces of other children, within the nursery. I witnessed one bite. DS didn't want to go. I wouldn't have forced him to. Why would I?

I also declined an invitation, on behalf of my dd, who didn't want to attend the party of a classmate, because DD didnt like her. That's a good enough reason to decline.

Nobody has to accept invitations they don't want to go to, for whatever reason. I have had several invitations to weddings. I haven't gone because...I'd rather stick sharp needles in my eyes. There you go....

OP doesn't want to attend her fils birthday celebration because a dog will be there. She doesn't have to. Her choice.

the owner said (so help me) "Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought she'd stopped doing that"....

There are no words . . .