To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

@EstrellaDamn that's a number from 2015 and it shows decline compare to previous years. They don't have numbers for 2018.

I don't really care what order people do things in, if they understand what the ramifications are.

Unfortunately many dont seems to, til baby 2 is on the way and their partner (the one they didn't need a piece of paper to validate their love for) turns out to be a shithead.

Likewise people not thinking that major debt is a good enough reason to delay trying for a child. And suggesting that its normal to have some savings, or take out insurance in the good times in case things change or that its not actually a good idea to buy everything on credit judt because you can afford the minimum payment - well heaven help you.

I think to be honest that traditional values change

Not many 'traditional ' things around, and thats not necessarily a bad thing

Going against the grain a bit, I think traditional values offer some protection to women and children. I will encourage my kids to marry because of the legal protection it gives and because I think it is important to make that "big decision" to commit before having kids. Of course things don't always go to plan. But I would encourage my kids to commit to their families, even if things don't work out. I have seen plenty of men walk away from their kids and I think society ought to be critical of that.

Home ownership though, I don't see how that's relevant.

I think people can be a bit blase about moving in together for practical reasons and then all of a sudden there's an unplanned baby in the mix.

Most marriages end in divorce these days. I've never married and tbh I don't think I ever will but I have a good life without living the way people think you should be living. Surely just being happy is the best outcome for everyone?

My parents married, bought a house then had children. They didn’t even live together before marriage so they were very traditional. 10 years later they were divorced, evicted and bankrupt.

My mum met someone else. They’ve been together over 20 years but haven’t married. They rent their home and- shock horror- even had a child.

All this moaning about broken families. My little brother, born into the “untraditional” family, has had a much more stable family life and upbringing than I did in your traditional utopia.

OP mentioned a parent passing so I think money from an inheritance made it possible for her to buy a home.

@formerbabe

Don't agree with OP because it's effing hard buying a house but I live in home counties (work in London) and I am in the process of buying my second home (the name is purely because I wanted to post in property section and now i'm posting else where I feel like a tool ha) I'm 24, I had no financial help/inheritance but I work in finance in central london so that's the only way I could. And I needed my partner's income for affordability (teacher)

Dear OP, I was brought up to think like you. But as soon as I developed an independent, questioning mind I realised that 'tradional' values are all about control.
Look around you and think for yourself .

I thoroughly believe in traditional values.

Based on my ancestral traditions I won't rent or buy a house, I will simply attack a neighbouring tribe and take their longhouse and lands for my own.

I will father multiple disregarded children on the household villeins, but they don't count as real people so I'll only be having an actual child once I'm married. I'll select from the daughters of a tribe with whom I seek an alliance, who will be paraded in front of me like livestock before I select one for a loveless marriage as my breeding chattel. At the wedding, all of her male relatives will gather around her with sticks to fight off me and all my male relatives, who will assist me in mock kidnapping of my wife to demonstrate that she is now my property.

Traditional values can get f*cked.

People generally do the best they can with the hand they've been dealt. Having said that, it's probably not constructive to compare yourself with others - regardless of what their values are or what their life looks like from the outside. We should all just let eachother be and get on with our own lives. Just try to be your best self.

Most marriages end in divorce these days
Yep. Makes me wonder how many people were stuck in unhappy marriages even up to just a few decades ago. Thank goodness so much of the stigma is gone now.

Many traditional values don't work well for women. That's a big reason why I've chosen not to uphold and follow many traditional values.

Unmarried mother bemoans the lack of traditional values in society. Lol.

"People" are getting pg after 5 mins and "no-one" feels like you?

Are you familiar with the concept of 'evidence', and 'generalisation'?

So only people like you who come from rich families and have had parental help to buy a home should be allowed to have children?

That's called eugenics, love.

Back in the heady days of being 23 I did it all in the right order. Marriage then bought a house then baby and whoosh, turns out xmil didn't want to be a granny so baby not wanted by xdh. I gave into the pressure because tradition like you were brought up with meant I couldn't leave xdh and have a baby, I had to stay and wait until xdh xmil decided it was time. Didn't take long after to realise tradition sucked especially when it was one way and being in a loveless marriage with a complete mummy's boy was a complete waste of my life.

Ended up with DH, we have a house,dc and marriage and not in the correct order. But we're happy and doing just fine. Tradition is only great when tradition works.

Most marriages don't end in divorce, less than half do. Most people would agree that it's much easier to buy a house before you have kids and start paying £££ for child care. As for marriage, I wouldn't have wanted to have children without it and our kids feel the same but a lot of people are perfectly happy without it.

Why does it concern you so much? My parents did it all “in the right order” (just) and were divorced by their late 20’s. I think house prices force young people to start saving immediately at make that their first goal, afterwards once they are in a property when can they afford a child comes next. A wedding can seem a bit frivolous by comparison. I married after we bought a house and had a baby. It’s actually nice to have your kids at your wedding.

Most marriages end in divorce these days

42% - in England and Wales - that's not "most". And a lot of them are second and subsequent marriages which are more likely to end in divorce anyway.

What happend to traditional values? We all moved on thankfully and now accept that people have different values, priorities and lifestyles.

Some people have different ideas about what is right and good.
I am not married but have been with my partner 20 years and have a mortgage and 2 kids. We don't eat meat and we don't watch porn. The last two being way more important to us than marriage and home ownership.

What an utterly pompous attitude you have. I wonder if you have any friends ?

I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

Are you also generally considered to have quite a smug, holier than thou attitude? That could be why no one else feels the same way.

I love threads like this, just shows how closed minded some people can be...
I met now Dh when I was 20, moved in rented property within 6 months, had DCs when I was 22 and 25. I’m now 33 and we’ve been together for 13 years, married for 3 but still renting.
I have friends who got married then had a baby then divorced, other friends divorced within a year as realised one wanted DCs and the other didn’t. Had friends divorce as got into so much debt with buying and house and their wedding.
Have other friends who did it the ‘right way’ and are perfectly happy.
Just goes to show that you never know what is the right way or the wrong way and ultimately it is up to each individual how they want to love their life.