To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

There is also the argument that some people get married as they think that it proves something to either their other half or other people. That for some reason they need to prove they love them. Some don't feel the need to do this.

I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order. ... both [brothers] now longer with the women and have very little to do with the children

So what went wrong? Did no-one tell your brothers about "tradition"? Or is your family "tradition" one rule for the girls and a different rule for the boys?

If my husband had asked my Dad for permission to marry me he wouldn't be my fucking husband now, that's for sure. Jesus wept.

lemonface reading some posts on MN over the years some people get married for the ring, the dress, and/or the wedding reception. I have wondered whether they would actually care who the groom was.

£117 is ridiculously cheap for a house. So, we'll done, I guess?

Abortions are incredibly traditional, to be fair. Especially having one because you're not married. There's a long old history of that. Usually with a knitting needle, admittedly.

You sound pretty pleased with yourself op.

You have a man, a house and a job. This gets boring pretty quickly although it probably seems like you've achieved the dream. Just wait till life throws you a curve ball...so far, you've been lucky but very few of us don't find obstacles on our path in life.

One of my DC is gay, @mozzarellasticks. How does this fit into your 'traditional values'? Because I don't think the era to which you think you're alluding would respect or encourage that at all.

One still lives at home because, like you, they work in retail. But unlike you - because we live in London - has absolutely no chance of buying a property. TBH, not even sure he could afford to rent around here - and he's your age.

BIWI

Ooohhh my eldest boy is moving in with his boyfriend

Wait!!! Its without benefit of the clergy

Oh my god....he is so untraditional!!

At 20, I had broken up with an abusive ex and wasn't looking for a relationship. 2 months later I met a divorced man, got pregnant almost immediately, moved in with him and his kids, opened a joint bank account. We then bought a house together, got engaged then married a year later.

Whilst it wasn't the most traditional of starts, me and that lovely man were together for 20 years until he died two weeks ago. I have a great relationship with my stepsons, who I helped to bring up (they lived with us full time).

Oh my God, I'm so sorry AndNone. and a big hug for you.

**

I will tell ds1 that his untraditional moving in with partner ways have destroyed my reputation on mumsnet

And worse THEY ARE RENTING!!!

Goodness andnone

So sorry for your loss

( and my obvious inability to finish reading a thread before posting something silly)

Abortions are incredibly traditional, to be fair. Especially having one because you're not married. There's a long old history of that. Usually with a knitting needle, admittedly.

And before knitting needles there was pennyroyal and countless other solutions too no doubt. Abortion is as old as pregnancy!

sorry for your loss AndNoneForGretchenWieners. It must feel so raw.

I'm so sorry x

Sorry for your loss AndNoneForGretchenWieners

Thanks, I don't want to merail the thread though, I just wanted to point out that it doesn't matter how traditional or not you are to start with, it's the quality of the relationship itself that matters. I have been so lucky with DH, even though we did things the wrong way round.

One of my DCs is also did everything right-ish gay. And although I (got relationship, bought house, got married, had DC) I am now a widow but only because the divorce hadn't come through by the time my H died. He became addicted to alcohol and that was the end of the perfect life.

You just can't be smug about doing things 'right' because apart from the fact that there isn't a 'right' way to do this, there's also life throwing stuff your way.

AndNone.

I think you can make good choices, things don’t always work out as planned but choosing A over B can often objectively give you a much better chance at a happy life.

Just do many people choose B because it’s easier/quicker and with no real thought or consideration. If they were honest with themselves they’d know they’d made some choices with not good or risky implications.

Sorry to hear that, @AndNoneForGretchenWieners and @pointythings. It proves the point perfectly (as well as sadly) that life isn't something you can make out and expect to run as you imagine or want it to be.