To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

“Tradition” is a nonsense. It’s a control for older generations to control younger generations and maintain their power and influence.

People should follow their own judgement and live their life as they see fit, within the law and in a way which harms others as little as possible.

I don't agree that you should have to be married before having children.

I do agree that intentionally having children should be a considered decision, made from within a stable relationship. Accidents happen even to the most careful people, but it's unfair to possible future children when people take a blasé attitude towards contraception.

I can't move for friends' weddings, house warmings and christenings. Occasionally the first two swap order, but never the last. Been this way since the age of 25.

Wait til you're at the grand old age of 25.

What if you can't afford to buy a house? Is it 'right' to skip that step or should you put off having kids and keep plugging away at it until you get there?

What if you fall pregnant before the wedding? Is that 'wrong'?

Seems a bit simplistic to me?

Well, since mass homeownership is a relatively new phenomenon (I think only around 10% of people owned their own homes 100years ago in the UK) I might argue that having children while renting is far more traditional.

I think a lot of people are very naive about the rights (or lack of rights) for unmarried couples.

I also think some people don't really think through the implications of having children with the wrong man.

I did it all in the right order.

Then i fucked it all right up by being really unhappy and got divorced.

My mother's 'old fashioned values' meant she would genuinely have preferred for me to stay in an unhappy marriage than admit to the neighbors that one of her own had upped and taken the grandkids to live in a rental property and was now in receipt of - oh the shame - housing benefit to get by ....

@Catinthetwat I've just bought my first house. It's definitely not impossible to do at a young age

People who have children first or who live with partner unmarried can still hold traditional veiws - it just means circumstances have taken them in other directions.Are you are judging their morality too. Living with loose morals because they haven't followed the 'right' path. Ludicrous.

I've just bought my first house. It's definitely not impossible to do at a young age

You’re very naive.

I've just bought my first house. It's definitely not impossible to do at a young age

I'd love to know how you've done that?

It's virtually impossible unless you

A. Live in a shit area outside of the south east

B. Have parental help

C. Inheritance

Why should I have to wait to be in a relationship with someone to buy a property?

The order I've done things: bought a flat, got into a relationship, about to have a baby, never getting married. How does it affect you?

Agree it's unwise to get pregnant v shortly after knowing someone but shit happens, contraception can fail. Not sure why "tradition" is "right"; society changes. I can waddle around with my pregnant tum and no ring on my finger and no one bats an eye.

“I’m 23 and have just bought my first house”

That was the purpose of the thread, wasn’t it?

I don't agree with having children outside of marriage, neither do I love 'blended' families.

The order I've done things: bought a flat, got into a relationship, about to have a baby, never getting married. How does it affect you?

She isn't even married herself so she gets to decide which traditions are the good ones clearly ................or else she just wants everyone to know she bought a house, one or the other

In the past I think a lot of people married because they wanted a shag! My grandparents got married after knowing each other for a month. I like the way things are now, less judgement and freedom to do what you want to do not what you have to do because someone tells you to..

I don't agree with having children outside of marriage

Don't have children outside of marriage then.

formerbabe are you saying all areas with affordable housing are 'shit'? You're writing off great swathes of the north there.

“I don't agree with having children outside of marriage, neither do I love 'blended' families.”

So?

That’s great you have a house but not everyone is in a position to buy property at a young age.
Additionally I’m glad I didn’t buy property young, if I’d have bought a house with my then boyf at 23 it would’ve been tricky when we split a few years later!

Yes, well done you. How I wish I was so Fab. I'll likely be renting forever and remain an unmarried mother of 12. Maybe I should of pondered on the idea of tradition....

I don't agree with having children outside of marriage, neither do I love 'blended' families

Well it’s not compulsory, so the issue is?

In the past I think a lot of people married because they wanted a shag

Totally! Of course, sex outside of marriage still happened but far less frequently. Easiest way for a young man to be having regular sex was marriage. Not the case anymore.

I think it's about what works for others may not work for you but we're all different. DP and I had never lived away from home until we met and had our first "own place" together unlike some friends who lived by themselves. We also chose to get married before having DD so compared to some we could be viewed as traditional.

Remember though there is another side to what are traditional values too. Once upon a time rape within marriage wasn't legally recognised. Not much over 100 years ago I wouldn't have been allowed to vote.

Some of these traditional values often mask some very toxic attitudes and actions.

Traditional values include racism, homophobia, sexism, and mistreating people for things they can’t control (being a rape victim, being born out of wedlock).

I value honesty and kindness but I honestly find it hard to be kind about someone who spouts on about ‘traditional values’. You sound smug and goady and I doubt you’re being honest about your situation in any case.