To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

Honestly, there are some unpleasant people on MN, but this twee, smug, judgey, narrow minded and self-righteous OP might just have a lot of them topped.

Duurrrrip

Read an old novel- people used to get married after a weekend of knowing each other at the age of 15.

I am ancient and things have changed so much since my day. Some things have changed for the better other things not so much.
For the better ...the terrible attitude towards unmarried mothers (I say mothers ...not parents ...because it was the mothers who got all the flack) has finally been eroded ...and not before time. Finger pointing at the mothers, forced adoptions...fathers riding off undamaged into the sunset ...who wants that lovely era back ...not me for one.

Not so good ...in my opinion where there is a partnership these days, married or otherwise, men often (I know not always) seem to get an easier ride. Yes women have more opportunities to follow a career path which is great but so many lovely young women I know seem to be doing it all rather than having it all. Taking on the lions share of the home and childcare load as well as working full time.

It's good women have the choice ...marriage or not ...where they have the choice. The down side can be ...speaking to some of my younger colleagues ...that they would like to marry but now that there isn't really a 'norm' it may not happen.

At least nowadays it isn't necessarily down to waiting to be asked. Women who want marriage can always be the proposers without the raised eyebrows this would have caused back in the day.

Maybe I do sound smug - I feel proud that I'm doing something productive with my life unlike my brothers

You're working in a fucking shop, OP, not curing cancer.

What are your brothers doing and how old are they?

And people got pregnant before marraige sooooooo often. It was just hidden. My great great grandma was raped and had her throat, stomach and face slit at 16 in 1897 . She survived but was pregnant. She still had to hide the child from society though until she married, from when they pretended she was the new husbands child. The attacker got 6 months 'labour'. Traditional values.

What is productive about what you are doing? Are you Saving the planet? Saving lives? Broadening your horizons? Perhaps you should open your mind?
My advice is rent out your house, travel the world for a bit, see the vastly different ways that people live. Eceperience life! Maybe even take some mind altering drugs--. All this will take you out of your boring, safe little existence. Oh and don't forget to challenge yourself! I hope you have a happy life

I think you are just picking and choosing the 'traditions' that you like. What happened to the 'no sex before marriage' one? Or are you just ignoring that?

That crossing out went a bit arse ways

ah, feckless brothers- i sympathise

dont feel you have to be the good girl to compensate for their failings though, it wont work.

What do your brother's do? Maybe they feel like they are doing something productive with their lives and think you've settled too young?

Why the judgement?

Nothing wrong with working in a shop, retail is a huge industry underpinning a large slice of our economy.

Let's not sneer.

There are too many people having children these days when they arent housed or in a stable relationship they then turn to the council etc and ask what they are entitled too.

Things have swung too much the other way.

Nothing whatsoever Amibeingnaive but it's hardly grounds for such stratospheric arrogance.

I agree, but then arrogance is always groundless, IMO.

Maybe I do sound smug - I feel proud that I'm doing something productive with my life unlike my brothers

So you come from a tradition where men are lazy and unproductive and women do all the work? Then I hope your DP is from a different tradition.

Nothing wrong with living by some principles but remember life can get complicated and different people will have different things to deal with

Should is a loaded concept when applied to people's lives. While I disagree with wishing you unwell, I think the idea that there is one life framework one should follow is part of why so many of our families have secrets. Trying to fit into an ideology leads to unhealthy mindsets, rigid thinking, and shame.

That you're really clearly doing it in this hierarchal way to best others - your brothers or anyone else - makes it seem that you don't actually value it but the status you think it gives you and it seems to annoy you that others don't give it or you that status. I could easily do the better than my siblings game - longest marriage, actually finished high school [and university], have never needed rehab or even been drunk - but being the "good one" doesn't really give us any bonus points. Do it because it's the life you want, not as evidence that you're better than others. Building self-esteem on being better than others is like building a house on sand.

In terms of choices, a mortgage should be more permanent and I get the appeal, but there are many who can give examples of why a solid rental can be safer and more long-term than a mortgage and the benefits of the flexibility and protections that can happen in some situations. There are many lives that have been torn apart by the burden of a mortgage or struggling with upkeep as there are many who struggle with the issues of rentals. I hope none of these happen to you; however, it is part of why some of us don't prioritize house ownership in our lives.

What @lemonface said!

What's so preductive about buying a house and working in a shop? Nothing wrong with it, all perfectly good but not sure why you're so smug.

At 23 I was living out of a rucksack, drinking too much and doing short term work all over the place. I had a great time.

I don't regret it for a minute.

Did you promise to obey your husband as well, in your marriage vows?

@AssassinatedBeauty 27 and 30. one has never held down a job for more than a month. both accidentally got short term girlfriends pregnant at 20 years old. both now longer with the women and have very little to do with the children

Actually, living by 'principles' generally results in the person turning into an inflexible, arrogant old fool.

@lemonface who's to say I don't travel or try drugs