To ask what happened to having traditional values?

[mozzarellasticks]

I'm 23 and from a very young age I was told that it was 'right' to live life in a 'traditional' order.
For example: being in a relationship with someone, buying a house, getting married, and then having kids.
Not trying to be smug or on a high horse, just wondering what happened and why people are getting pregnant after knowing someone for 5 minutes. I'm generally considered to be have old fashioned views but want to know why no one else feels the same way

@Zebra31 if I'm home before him then yes I'll have his dinner ready for when he comes home. He does the same for me

Op ....given all the posts, stories and experiences you've read on this thread can you see that your idea of traditional values isn't necessarily the right way? That it doesn't always work out the way you planed?

@CostanzaG Yes I do. But I can't live my life expecting it to go wrong all the time or I'd never get anything done

Haha you really don't get it. Not going to plan doesn't mean it's gone wrong!

What if you'd chosen to go to university? The chances of you buying a house at 23 would be quite slim ....you may have to rent for a while. That doesn't make it wrong.

So you don’t live acording to those “traditional values” you seem to hold in such high regard. You, like most people, have chosen a path that works for you. So why are you sat pretty in you glass tower judging how others live? You do know that you do not live according to “traditional values”. If you did you would still be a virgin, living at home waiting to move out on your wedding day and then proceed to live like some 1950s housewife. You are young, you should aspire for more.

I HATE traditional values. They are mainly there to keep women in their place. Tradition needs challenging as much as possible.

I will live my life as I untraditionally as l possibly can. If you saw Call the Midwife on Sunday look where traditional values got that 17 year old.

Thank fuck for:

The ability to have a child whether married or not.
The ability to leave a marriage if you want.
The ability to work
The ability to be gay/lesbian/trans
The ability to make choices suitable for YOU
Fuck tradition🖕🏼

if I'm home before him then yes I'll have his dinner ready for when he comes home. He does the same for me

Aw bless. Come back in 5 years time and let us know how often he's home and making your dinner compared to the reverse. Tradition (or rather convention, which is not exactly the same thing) is so going to bite you on the bum.

@LittleMissMarker he does 90% of the cooking because he loves to cook

It's not about what people love to do, it's about what people feel responsible for doing even if they don't love the task for its own sake.

This thread is pointless – OP is only looking for validation about how perfect she is, not a genuine discussion about the value – or not – of traditional values.

You might want to actually engage with the actual debate OP, if you'd like to prove that this is not a vanity thread.

If you're so confident in your choices you might want to have a think about why you've felt the need to start this thread.

If I’d waited to buy a house before marriage and kids I’d still be waiting. (2 kids & married, still renting). The world has changed.

When you do get married and again when you have children, a whole bunch of unspoken conventions and traditions are very likely to appear. Ones you didn't know your partner subscribed to, as well as ones you probably aren't aware that you subscribe to yourself. And at that point your attitude to tradition might change a bit. Good luck with it all.

Perfect timing for this thread. I’m researching my family tree for my gran. Lots of stand up citizens, fought in the wars, all children educated, older relatives lived with younger ones, all ‘respectable’ jobs and church going people. Except for 5 generations before me there has been less than 9 months between a wedding and first child born. Often the child born first. I love it because it shows nothing bloody changes. My granny harboured some shame about having to get married ASAP but clearly that’s our family tradition.

Come back in 5 years time and let us know how often he's home and making dinner

That's a little unfair. It's worked this way for us for 19 years.

That's a little unfair. It's worked this way for us for 19 years.

No, it's not unfair. She said her DP cooks because he loves to cook, not because he feels obliged. Does your DP love every domestic task? Or does he feel some obligation to do tasks that are not "traditionally" male and that he doesn't love doing?

Dh & I have very old fashioned values. As do most people we know.

My main point was owning your own house and being married before having children

Do you need to own it outright right? Because currently you’ve borrowed the money of the bank, and you currently own maybe a brick. So by your standards you should have waited till you owned the house. Traditionally your stb should build you a house with his bare hands, and you should work the fields.

@Nonibaloni** my catholic grandad jokes that he's sure women used to only be pregnant for around 5/6 months when they were younger as the amount of 'honeymoon' babies born around 6 months after marriage was pretty common.
That was the case with their first born who my grandma still insists was conceived on their wedding night, despite him arriving 5 months after the wedding and weighing a quite reasonable for the time 7lb something.

@GirlOnIt I love these stories. Obviously everyone knew 7lb babies weren’t premature, but everyone smiled and got on with it.
My favourite story was of a grandad who couldn’t wait for a big wedding so they married in the ministers house in the clothes they were wearing. Very romantic, except my research would say she was at least 8 months pregnant at the time and they had left their home town and been living together for 6 months and had married in a third town.
Still perfectly decent people and in the grand scheme of things makes no odds.

mozzarellasticks It kinda feels like you're trying to fit your life into something traditional because you think you should or because that's the view you have of yourself/that you think others have of you and that that makes you better than others. You're coming across as rather ideological - oversimplified targets and fitting things to match some ideal and ignoring information that questions either the traditions or values aspect.

What happened to traditional values is that what is portrayed as traditional or old fashioned is continuously changing and being altered by the systems of the communities we're in. They don't really exist in any constant state for everyone and have never fit how many people have or want to move through life. As others said, very little in what has been described, like living together before marriage whether bought or not or men doing most of the cooking, fits what many people see as traditional or old fashioned even if many people have done it. Even many of our 'traditional' families likely have a few untraditional stories and rumours as have been shared here.

What's traditional about living together before marriage?
Have I missed something ?

We also have one sole joint bank account. Is this traditional enough for you as well?

I think the question is...is it traditional enough for you?

I prefer traditional bartering. DP and I share a shoebox of items that we exchange for goods and services, such as help with the harvest and slaughtering the pig for winter.

We also have one sole joint bank account. Is this traditional enough for you as well?

Well, no. You should not have your own money if you are traditional really.

You haven't said why it's okay for you to live together before marriage? And I hope you aren't having sex?