To have absolutely no friends

[twopizzaseverytuesday]

I mean, none. It’s downright embarrassing really.

I am single and have no kids. I’ve actually contemplated having a child (I’ve always wanted a family) but partly because it puts me in social settings.

I just don’t know how to sort this!

Not all couples are joined at the hip, cultivate people a bit. It's hard work but can be done.

When I moved to my new home city to marry my now dh I left my life behind me some several hundred miles. I felt much like you do for a long while, I joined Yelp (sadly no longer exists as a meet up group) and gained a host of friends. I recommend you try joining a group that is of interest to you. Be it a slimming club or just going along to a regular pub quiz, a running group etc all good ways to meet new people. There is an app, like a dating app but not dating, just for friendship but I don’t know what it’s called.

I don’t want to foster or adopt

Friends with children means barging in on family time a bit. I have - gone to soft play and farms and ponds. And hated every second

I don’t know what sort of friend I want. I haven’t prepared any interview questions!

I slightly disagree about the having dc helps you make friends. It doesn't really. Dc can be awkward, embarrassing and anti-social. Yes there does seem to be more organised for parents and dc but there is no guarantee that you children would happily fit into these social situations. I would follow all previous suggestions before heading down this pathway (unless you want dc for other reasons as well!)

Instead of a gym or parkrun, join a running club and go to the sessions. Look into the local clubs, and try and find one that has a string social element and lots of younger members, and when you've settled in volunteer to help with things in the club (committee, pace leader on social runs etc). My running club is very social, and have lots of meet-ups, everyone signs up for certain events etc and people become firm friends for life.

The problem with that is that I can’t run!

Thanks snuggy, I do really appreciate that
I also agree with Snuggy. I don't think you sound negative, just factual.

I've had some lonely times but people come along when you least expect it. You sound nice and normal. Just keep busy doing things you like doing, and I hope your life changes for the better soon :)

What about an evening class that interests you locally - you might meet people there and could possibly suggest social events as an offshoot? It is hard I admit, I don't have a massive amount of friends, partly because I get fed up with doing all the running when people are flakey so I cut contact. Do you have a dog? You could try dog walking groups maybe?

All the groups aimed at friendship and meeting people are for retired people or parents. And obviously on during the day, when I am at work

What about evening classes?

Dont think having kids will mean you have friends. I have 4 and have no friends at all. I got told I would make friends when they started school but theyve been there 2 years and not one friend at all. Im more lonely now that I have children tbh (no partner either)

You don't have to run - one of the ladies that volunteers at my local parkrun brings a chair and just sits at the halfway point cheering people along. She's always there for coffee and cakes with the other volunteers at the end and they certainly seem friendly.

SapatSea

What kind of friend do you want and for what purpose?

(Greatly daring ...) This is such an interesting question! And actually something I've been considering quite a lot recently. I'm naturally quite solitary and am guilty of shedding friends as easily as making them. But what I have found is that for me close working relationships with colleagues (mutual obsession with a shared project, say) make the most difference to how satisfied I feel with the social aspect of life. (Regardless of my partnership status at any time.) I have a tiny number of friends - and my relationships with them are absolutely enhanced by the strength of my enthusiasm for projects that have nothing to do with them but give me new stuff to share with them.

Now is the time of year to join a walking group. They meet at weekends and I believe loads turn up.

This is what I was referring to earlier, when I said that things became not very enjoyable. I remember waking up early on a Sunday for the walking group and just thinking ‘why?’

If you join a walking group, which are fab for meeting people, friends and partners, make sure it's full of people in your age group. There's one 20-50 round here and I know someone who met a nice guy on one such walk. There are also singles ones and older people's ones- just go to the one which fits your needs, and all the walking groups I know are super-sociable.

I’ve actually contemplated having a child (I’ve always wanted a family) but partly because it puts me in social settings.

But hated every second of going to soft play / farms with friends with kids...

If it's any comfort, I'm the same. I had a couple of friends but we drifted apart, as in reality we hadn't that much in common except our workplace. Other women I've made the effort with seem to only want a quick coffee once a month if that. I've kind of given up beating myself up about it & reverted to the natural loner I've always been: which probably isn't healthy.

I have no children. I have friends with children some are my godchildren. I've embraced them having children and that their lives have changed. I don't mind hearing the tales or going for lunch with the kids instead of out for drinks. The main thing is that I still see them and we keep our connection. It won't be forever kids get older, also they are happy to talk about other things to escape the mum world for a bit.
I haven't loads of friends but I value the ones I have and that takes effort and understanding on both sides.

There's been lots of great ideas on here to try, but only you can make them happen. Just because you didn't make friends on one attempt doesn't mean you won't again, friendship isn't instant it starts from the small talk and flowers from there. Good luck

I know what you mean OP but at some point something has to give to get the life you want. I get it that walking isn't always enjoyable, but being outside, being with other people is. Dates are stressful, but could lead to something.

What do you enjoy and is there any way to make friends through that?

Sometimes it's worth doing stuff to get to a goal. You simply can't meet a partner sitting home, it's not possible- so I would start by joining a dating site or two and fixing that as a goal (to go on the dates, not to necessarily find someone). Would you join a dating site? Or go to a meet-up in a pub?

I do get you- it's hard work to keep doing stuff which isn't your thing. But if your thing is crocheting by yourself, then you must be able to see that the possibilities for partners and friends are diminished and at some point you might have to do stuff you don't absolutely love to increase your chances of getting the life you want.

Where do you live? I need a friend!

If you were up for trying park run then why not join a local running club? My SIL has made some great friends through hers.

Forget the friends with kids, its a totally different dynamic. mums usually want to put their kids first, I know I did.
Also forget the gym-people want to go in, do their workout while 1005 focussed on it, then leave.
I would try something that attracts thinkers, like a reading group, archaelogical group something like that

Why don't you try Meet-up groups? I've heard they're very good because people are there specifically to make friends. Of course you'll meet people you don't like but you've got to give stuff a try.

twopizzaseverytuesday

The problem with that is that I can’t run!

Neither could I once! My club does a 'couch to 10k' course every so often and a lot of the ones who join end up staying on afterwards and taking part fully in the club. We have quite a lot of really fast super runners, but we also have average runners and slow runners. the only thing I would say is to choose your club carefully. There's quite a few springing up these days aimed at mums, which is what you're trying to avoid! You might find clubs that like to shout about their amazing speedy runners that always get on the podium a bit intimidating, but there is usually another crew quietly plodding on behind them that are really friendly and sociable, so don't let it put you off.

I only know about running as a social thing, and you've usually got at least two evening activities a week (my club has 3-4 evening runs with various aims, one being a 'social run' at easy pace) and a weekend activity. It's also a triathlon club, so on top of that there's cycling and swimming stuff, but I don't have the time, energy or fitness to fit another two sports in! But if you really don't like running, then how about another similar activity that tends to have their activities in the evenings/weekends?

Funny you try going to a farm with your own children, then try it again tagging along with your friends, their children and none of your own - just give it a go and see what happens.