To have absolutely no friends

[twopizzaseverytuesday]

I mean, none. It’s downright embarrassing really.

I am single and have no kids. I’ve actually contemplated having a child (I’ve always wanted a family) but partly because it puts me in social settings.

I just don’t know how to sort this!

I recently made new friends by joining a running club - I know you've already said that you can't run, I was in the same position, so I joined the Couch2 5k group, then progressed to the running with the actual club once I'd finished the C25K programme.

Most of my new friends are from C25K, okay so the main times I see them are when we run together, but we do also do more social things too.

OP what kind of friendships are you looking for? What do you envisage?

Have you tried the Women' Institute?

They have had a big drive to bring in younger women and they've succeeded. They have gin groups, book clubs, theatre groups and all sorts.

It can't do any harm to go on the website and find out what the ones near you are like.

I have a child and even though there's loads of groups it's not helpful for me making friends. Most people seem to go with others or just don't speak really! I've never had many friends but I did think the ones I know with similar aged kids would hang out more - they don't, it's like pulling teeth getting them to meet up which baffles me! Please don't have a child in the hopes of making friends, you will be stuck at home alone on an evening and nobody will visit because they're also stuck in while their kids are in bed!

What about starting a hobby like learning a musical instrument? I’m a music teacher and I teach adults in the day and it’s often obvious the reason they’re their is because they’re lonely. If I see this I often get two similar people together to play together and all of a sudden you’ve constructed an interest to share, and helps me as they just get better at it. And as pp have said then it’s irrelevant re friends because you’ve got something to fill the time when you’re lonely.
Win win if you ask me

There not their.

Oh and I joined a Bootcamp. I am crap at exercise and found nearly everyone else was also crap haha so I joined the moaning crew at the back of each activity and ended up doing a car share with everyone and this resulted in friends.

I’m pretty sociable though so probably instigated some of it. Ie when someone I didn’t know on the second go offered me a lift home I just accepted it. I appreciate not everyone would do that.

When a relationship ended I found myself without enough friends. I joined this, although it does cost
www.spiceuk.com/?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

OP i could have written this, our situations are scarily similar.
Place marking

I have no mates either. But im expecting my first child any day now.

I've exhausted all avenues in regards to meeting new ppl and making friends. God knows... I've tried and im ready to accept not everybody will have friends in their life.

I’m not going to give you any advice.

Just going to say that yeah, it is really hard meeting people past the education/university stage of life. Especially if you’re not really extroverted

Youve also had a hard time physically, youve been ill, and you may not have really recovered from that. Life threatening illness is a blow mentally as well as physically.

I moved abroad and had a similar experience to you - nobody kept in touch, and I realised the friendships I thought I had were in fact very superficial. Again that forces a reassessment. I’ve been here five years now and still not made friends. I do have kids which keep me busy and I’ve kind of resigned myself to the no mates thing.

So go easy on yourself. I certainly couldn’t be arsed with meet-ups and all that. If there’s a ‘thing’ you’re interested in for your own sake then do that (sorry I’m now giving advice..) but I think doing it just to meet people is a hiding to nothing.

Your workplace sounds grim. Any way you could work towards a plan to move on? That sort of backstabby atmosphere will grind you down too.

It’s hard, and I bet there’s a lot of people out there in similar situations

I have always found it difficult to make friends. I have one best friend I've had since school who is always there thankfully but we don't see each other as often as we could. Conflicting commitments.

I thought having a baby would give me the opportunity to meet people and make friends but it didn't. It's only just started now she has started school. It was a very lonely 5 years.

Doesn't work if you don't drink but I've always found a decent group of people to hang out with at the local pub when I've moved areas

Join a running club. You'll meet people and make friends.
If you are happy to go to church one join a large friendly one where they have a cup of tea after the service.

MeetUp app has saved my life. I now babe a social life and a few friends I really love and who care back.

Just wondering.. you say you're not a runner, but have you tried hashing?
Maybe Google 'hash house harriers' in your region - it's a very social, fun way to spend a couple of hours, whatever your level of fitness. There are many people (almost all adults!) who hash regularly too.

What do you like doing, in my experience real friends come from a real shared interest. Feigning or joining groups not of interest to you will not get you mixing with people who are similar to you.

I love Yoga for example, and that interest has brought so many people to me. In my twenties I met people on retreats to India and yoga holidays. Ok not great for finding people necessarily just down the road but hey it brings you something else.

Then I met people through regular classes and another couple of long-term friends from that. Then pregnancy yoga a good friend came via that and well you get the idea.

If you can work out exactly what you like that is step one and build from there. Even if it isn't local for now and is from a specific holiday etc.

Nothing is going to change if you choose to do absolutely nothing and carry on as you are.

Either accept it or do something different. It is your life, you get to choose how you live it.

So many posters have asked what you like doing to try and help you, and loads of others have taken the time to offer you their advice

In 240+ posts all we know is that you work in education in East Anglia, you don't like your job. There is nothing for you where you live. You are not depressed and don't want to do counselling. You can't run and you find walking groups boring. You can't make a Thursday morning knitting group, meet up and volunteering haven't worked out. You don't like being around other people's children, you don't think you're attractive enough for OD, and you don't have much to talk about.

You don't make it easy!

The OP isn't obliged to give personal details out if they don't want to

I'm in the same position OP. I've got a few health issues which limits what I can do and as one of them is epilepsy travel has to stay local as I can't drive. I've suffered from social anxiety all my life so that makes attending groups hard but I have forced myself to go. One was so cliquey and unwelcoming that I just felt awful being there and as I'm socially awkward I do tend to come across weirder than I actually am which puts people off. I guess these things take time and patience but there are occasions where so many things are up against you that you just give up trying after a while.

I’m the same. So lonely.

Loneliness is awful

It's sad so many of us are in or have been in this situation

Second the recommendation of WI if you can find a new/young one in your area. Offer to help on rotas/committee and it really breaks the ice. I made a fantastic group of friends being involved in our local one. This is the kind of thing I mean

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned but there are ladies circle groups across the UK. www.ladiescircle.co.uk/circlefinder/

Also a lot of forums have a pen pal /email buddy page where you can find someone in your area (I can't see one here) but that may be another place to look for someone local to you.