DH says I should complain about this situation to make the airline aware but I am not sure

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Got back from a week away in New York a few days ago.
Me and DH got on the plane the plane had rows four seats in the middle. DH was on one end, me next to him. The seat next to me was free and then there was another lady at the other end.

One of the last passengers on was this very large lady who ended up sat next to me. She ended up taking a good bit of my seat, the armrest could not be out down, she could not get the tray table done. I soon realised that when I put my tray down it was digging into her and every time she moved it was flipping up anyway. So I put it up and left it
DH is quite tall and he did offer to move but I don’t think he would have fit in three quarter of a seat to be honest. We are now just after take off and I can feel my fibromyalgia and begin to kick because can’t move properly. DH pretents to go to the toliet and discreetly the flight attendant asks if there is anywhere I can move to.

The flight attendant says no the flight is full and says the lady should have booked two seats especially as the arm rest doesn’t go down.

I manage to sit for a hour and then I get up and stand in the aisle. The flight attendant asks if I am ok and I said yep I just needed to move for a while.

The inflight drink comes so I sit down and have a drink without using my tray.

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.

The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want. The women bursts into tears. My husband offers to swap with her then she can have more room with the ailse but she says she is sitting in her booked seat and it being shamed into moving.
I gulp my meal down and raise my tray as quickly as I can.

By this time I am in agony and on the verge of tears myself and keep having to move into the aisle. The flight attendant takes pity on me and lets me sit in one of the jumpsears till we start coming into land. I was so grateful.

On landing a returned to my seat and the women turns to me and says I have made her feel awful and I have fat shamed her. The guy in front turns around and said it was not my fault and most people would not have been as polite as me. She bursts into tears again.

I have never been so glad to get off the plane.

Two days later I am still in agony as it has triggered a flare and feel awful. My DH says I need to complain and say the airline should have made her book 2 seats. I just don’t know as I know the seats on aircraft are not generous anyway and she could be big through no fault of her own and may not be able to afford to seats in the future.

I am up now in agony and can’t sleep and it’s all going through my mind with me thinking was I horrible and could i have handled things better.

I bloody hate flying

OP, I think you'd be very sensible to just remove yourself from the situation in future by booking specific seats where this can't happen to you, for example where the seats are in pairs only. If you already fly quite a bit anyway, you also might be able to get upgrades with airmiles.

yes it was her fault, she should have booked two seats or at least booked an aisle seat. Its also highly unlikely that her weight isn't her fault in the first place.

If airlines don’t tell their passengers the point when they need to book two seats, how are they supposed to know?

You have fuck all knowledge of why she’s big. She might have PCOS, she might have had an injury which limited her mobility, she might have an abuse related eating disorder.

Personally I was overweight for a while because I needed a hip replacement after carrying twins fucked my body up completely.

Being slim doesn’t make you morally superior you know.

I’m a bit hmmm about fibro anyway tho sorry

Wow what a bitchy comment to make!!

Maybe the gate should have mock up seats that passengers have to sit in to prove the arm rest goes down on either side, similar to the baggage measure.

I would complain OP. No way should that woman have asked you to put your tray up whilst eating dinner, nor should she have complained about you to the crew and crying is just the last insult. Complain like mad! And do mention your own health condition, of which sadly you can do nothing much about. She can probably lose some weight or at least book two seats of business class.

Whereareyou - what a disgusting thing to say. Is it okay to be a bit hmmm about cancer? Or about rheumatoid arthritis? No?

You clearly know nothing about Fibromyalgia when studies show it very much does exist. The root cause of each case may not be known, but the end result of the body struggling to process long-term pain certainly is.

It’s hard enough to live with a condition like that (which I don’t have, but I am disabled) but to have random people voice doubting comments like that is draining and very upsetting.

I agree with your DH. In fact I would have been getting names of the cabin crew to put in my letter of complaint as witnesses.

I would also clearly state the minimum I expect as compensation, be that a refund of the flight or a complimentary flight of the same value.

Bejam are you for real? Of course it was the ladies fault, she should have booked two seats or at least an aisle seat and she didn't, she was rude, she refused a different seat that may have helped, op was way nicer than most and she humiliated herself by crying at her pity party. Whinging and wailing about being fat shamed, fuck off love, I hate that play the victim card shite so nobody feels they can call you on your shitty behaviour.

Op you sound like you were really nice. Flying can be frustrating enough without being uncomfortable and dealing with people like her.

I don't know if complaining will get you anywhere but I think she should have been asked to leave the flight. She caused discomfort to other passengers when she should have booked another seat and the airline shouldn't have let it happen either.

I'm overweight because of health issues, medication and restricted mobility. And I can't afford two seats. Suppose I should keep my fat arse at home.

“SinkGirl” I know you can’t believe the attitudes. It is a recognised condition with a lot of research done into trying the find a cure or medication that works with doctors specialising in it. Not sure if would have all that if it was just hmmmm.

I notice my question to the person who say hmmmm which was do you think people are putting it on? has not be answered. I mean I would love to know what “perks” someone like that thinks would be getting out of saying we are in pain when we are not?. They prob think we all do it to get disability benefit which I don’t claim and to work less (I work 50 hours a week) so bang goes that stupid theory.

BejamNostalgia I am not slim. I do think my weight is my responsibility though, there are some conditions which make you more likely to be overweight but most (not all) are at least party personal choice. My comment was mainly about it being her fault that she didn't book two seats, no-one could have foreseen this but her. I sympathise with your situation my comment was not an attack on overweight people.

however,
If airlines don’t tell their passengers the point when they need to book two seats, how are they supposed to know?

I agree wholeheartedly with this. It's the airline who carry the majority of the blame here but it does sound like this woman dealt with the situation badly.

I definitely think that you should complain to the airline. In the letter/email, explain how good the attendants were, and that you appreciated what they tried to do to improve the situation, but that it wasn't good enough and that you suffered physical symptoms afterwards from having such a cramped journey.

They should at least offer you some form of refund or credit for a future flight.

You shouldn't have to pay for more expensive seats in future when you wouldn't have had a problem if you'd been able to use the full width of the seat you'd paid for!

She shouldn't have been allowed to stay on the plane if there was nowhere else to seat her with an empty seat beside her and she couldn't fit into the seat beside you with the armrest down.

No MissGiddyPants I have said right from the start that a lot of people would struggle to fit in a plane seat a lot of people are overweight through no fault of their own such as medical conditions and airlines need to start realising this and accommodating for it such as a bit bigger seats in some rows.

We usually book adjacent isle seats and extra leg room if available. It means we can stand up and move around as often as we need to in such a situation.

And I lot of people are obese and still fit in a plane seat ok.

Not a bad idea NotaSpringChicken

Oh here come the victim cards, maybe i should stay at home because i am fat but can't afford two seats. If you are so big someone beside you can't put down their tray or their am rest you either pay for two seats or yes you find another way to travel.

And yes the airline should specify so people know but if you are as big as this lady, you know yourself and don't need it pointed out to you

I work for an airline. On my airline the armrests must be down for safety reasons during take off and landing. I wonder whether the aircraft had already pushed back before the crew noticed? If the aircraft was totally full they would have struggled to do anything.

I would definitely write in and ask if it is part of their onboard safety procedures to have the armrests down for take off. See what they come back with.

I’m not sure there is much point in complaining to the airline at this stage. But a complaint to an oversize body or your MP might (if enough other people experience the same thing) bring about a review of seat requirements and processes that airlines have to adhere to.

I would complain to the airline. I am amazed anyone would suggest otherwise. You didn't get what you paid for. It's up to the airline to manage passengers who are overweight. In the US overweight passengers can be refused on flights or can be made to purchase an additional seat. It's not that unusual a situation.

My FIL was very overweight and although he could get the armrest down he needed a belt extender and used to spill into the next seat. He always had an aisle seat and my MIL sat next to him on the other side. She regularly used to say she was in pain after being so uncomfortable sitting next to him and that was despite the fact she didn't have fibromyalgia or other physical issue.

I would complain and if you are off work I'd get a doctors note to back up your complaint. Why should you be put out because if the airline not taking enough care when checking passengers in.

BTW When (if?) you complain you should only talk about the facts. I wouldn't mention any conversation with the passenger. The armrest couldn't be lowered, you couldn't use your tray and you couldn't use all of your seat.

I find it odd that the passenger was allowed to sit in that seat though. I presume she had an extender. It sounds a bit odd really.

I think this is the airlines fault more than the passenger. As awful as it sounds, I think ensuring that someone isn't encroaching on another person is any different to checking to ensure luggage is not overweight.
They are both safety issues imo.

OP - I think it is important that you contact the airline to ensure they address this issue with the crew and also adopt a consistent policy on their flights as to how to handle such matters and ensure neither you or any other passenger had to deal with this situation again.
I also hope your flare up and pain eases soon.

*Oversight not oversize.

When I was at Blackpool Pleasure Beach they had seats used by the rides at the side so bigger people could check to see if they fitted in them comfortably, something similar with airlines would be a good idea.

I think this is down to the airline so perhaps a letter to them is a good idea?

We all accept that there are specific size limits for cabin luggage - it makes sense - there's only so much room available. Many of us are larger now than we used to be. So, why not get people to walk through a defined space of some sort, before boarding, to ensure that everyone will fit comfortably in the seats? I wouldn't object to this. I'm sure it could be managed discreetly.

I'm overweight because of health issues, medication and restricted mobility. And I can't afford two seats. Suppose I should keep my fat arse at home. as hard as it is you are paying for space and space on a plane is measured in units of seats, if you need more that one seat's worth of space you have to buy two. It's a simple as that. You could argue that it discriminates but that's nothing to do with the OP's complaint.

Airlines could allow obese passengers to book a second seat at a reduced cost or even at no cost and just put their overall prices up to compensate. They choose not to do this so take your complaint up with them.

It’s tricky because as the flight was full it’s not like they could’ve made her buy an extra seat as there were no other free 2 seats together.