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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH says I should complain about this situation to make the airline aware but I am not sure

303 replies

Redcampions · 17/02/2019 23:33

Got back from a week away in New York a few days ago.
Me and DH got on the plane the plane had rows four seats in the middle. DH was on one end, me next to him. The seat next to me was free and then there was another lady at the other end.

One of the last passengers on was this very large lady who ended up sat next to me. She ended up taking a good bit of my seat, the armrest could not be out down, she could not get the tray table done. I soon realised that when I put my tray down it was digging into her and every time she moved it was flipping up anyway. So I put it up and left it
DH is quite tall and he did offer to move but I don’t think he would have fit in three quarter of a seat to be honest. We are now just after take off and I can feel my fibromyalgia and begin to kick because can’t move properly. DH pretents to go to the toliet and discreetly the flight attendant asks if there is anywhere I can move to.

The flight attendant says no the flight is full and says the lady should have booked two seats especially as the arm rest doesn’t go down.

I manage to sit for a hour and then I get up and stand in the aisle. The flight attendant asks if I am ok and I said yep I just needed to move for a while.

The inflight drink comes so I sit down and have a drink without using my tray.

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.

The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want. The women bursts into tears. My husband offers to swap with her then she can have more room with the ailse but she says she is sitting in her booked seat and it being shamed into moving.
I gulp my meal down and raise my tray as quickly as I can.

By this time I am in agony and on the verge of tears myself and keep having to move into the aisle. The flight attendant takes pity on me and lets me sit in one of the jumpsears till we start coming into land. I was so grateful.

On landing a returned to my seat and the women turns to me and says I have made her feel awful and I have fat shamed her. The guy in front turns around and said it was not my fault and most people would not have been as polite as me. She bursts into tears again.

I have never been so glad to get off the plane.

Two days later I am still in agony as it has triggered a flare and feel awful. My DH says I need to complain and say the airline should have made her book 2 seats. I just don’t know as I know the seats on aircraft are not generous anyway and she could be big through no fault of her own and may not be able to afford to seats in the future.

I am up now in agony and can’t sleep and it’s all going through my mind with me thinking was I horrible and could i have handled things better.

I bloody hate flying

OP posts:
BejamNostalgia · 17/02/2019 23:56

Meh. Your husband offered you his seat but you didn’t take it because you wanted to cause a fuss instead. If you knew it was going to cause a flare up, why on earth didn’t you swap with him? Enjoyment of being a martyr? You have nobody to blame for your flare up apart from yourself for not moving.

I’m sure it was uncomfortable, but it wasn’t that lady’s fault and it sounds like you drew an awful lot of attention to the problem and, yes, humiliated her. If people in other seats were getting involved, clearly you attracted attention.

SearchingForSeaGlass · 17/02/2019 23:56

Was the armrest also up between her and the passenger on the other side?

lljkk · 17/02/2019 23:56

You're quite vulnerable yourself, OP. I wonder if anything else could be different for you, to prevent this happening again. It might even be worth booking an extra seat for you be sure you can stretch out if you fly long haul again.

The flight attendants were human, aware of your situation, I should think that's as much awareness as you can raise.

IDoN0tCare · 17/02/2019 23:56

This reply has been deleted

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buttertoff33 · 17/02/2019 23:56

if the fibro flare up was so bad, why didn't you change seats with your DH? Confused

RaininSummer · 17/02/2019 23:58

I don't think you are a drama queen at all. If a person is that fat then they must know that they will cramp other passengers. Quite selfish of her. You should complain to at least make the airline think about their policies. I don't fly but why can't the companies state the seat width and say that anyone fatter than that will be charged for 2 seats.

Original poster
Redcampions · 17/02/2019 23:59

Whereareyouspot what do you mean you are hmmm about fibromyalgia??
Do you think people pretend to have it??? Are you also hmmmmm about ME and chronic fatigue??
I know people who are bedbound most of the time with these conditions. I wish you could have a taster of the agony I am in for just one hour.

Sorry but you don’t have a bloody clue. It’s ignorant people like you that people with hidden disabilities are fighting against. Please never say to someone with these conditions you are hmmmm about it. You might just a smack. If they can actually lift their arm at the time

OP posts:
arkela · 18/02/2019 00:00

As soon as the flight attendant was made aware that the armrest wouldn't come down, steps should have been taken. If the flight was completely full, the lady in question should have been made to disembark the flight and to book two seats on the next flight out. If she can't afford two seats she shouldn't be flying.

IDoN0tCare · 18/02/2019 00:01

Your husband offered you his seat but you didn’t take it because you wanted to cause a fuss instead

He also offered to swap with the woman who refused to move, even though she was encroaching into the OP’s space.

I can’t fucking believe people are siding with a passenger that booked a seat, knowing her size would affect the passenger beside her, over the OP, who is disabled! Ffs!

Original poster
Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:01

My DH would not have fit in the seat, he is a 6 foot 4 rugby player who needs more then three quarters of a seat. He would have been sat on top of her.

The only person who drew attention to it was her. My husband trying to squeeze in next to her and ending up sat on her arm would have caused a lot more attention.

OP posts:
IDoN0tCare · 18/02/2019 00:03

why didn't you change seats with your DH? read the bloody thread. Her husband would not have fitted beside the woman as he is taller and broader than the OP!

CallipygianFancier · 18/02/2019 00:03

I'm pretty tall/broad myself, so I understand your point about your husband not fitting into the space available, though there is also the factor that being cramped in might be less debilitatingly painful for him, even if still very uncomfortable, and he could maybe "push back" a bit more against the fat woman encroaching on his space, which might encourage her to take the offer of a seat swap irrespective of her "I'm being fat shamed" nonsense.

MyBaa · 18/02/2019 00:07

I do think that airlines should be asking people over a certain weight to book two seats. It's not fair.

Original poster
Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:09

Maybe a should have tried to swap with my husband but I honestly think it would have caused more fuss and he is really broad (still fits in one seat). He would have ended up on part of my seat and I would have one buttcheek in the aisle which also would have meant more pressure on one leg whcih would have made my legs flare up. Told DH was are booking the seats with more leg room this time.
He said we shouldn’t have to but I have replied we shouldn’t have to do a lot of things in life but we still do them for our own comfort and health.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:10

Sorry meant we are booking seats with more room next time.

OP posts:
steppemum · 18/02/2019 00:10

This is becoming more and more of a problem, and the airlines don't want to deal with it.
I am not sure if they think it will be bad for business, or if they are worried about being sued, but they are going to have to find a way.

There must be a way of making a rule, eg if the arm rest won;t go down, you must get off the plane.

I have seen a youtube video where th epassenger stood for an 8 hour flight, as he oculd not fit into his seat next to a large passenger.

MissGiddyPants · 18/02/2019 00:11

OMG. I'm a fatty and never considered booking two seats.

janetforpresident · 18/02/2019 00:12

I’m sure it was uncomfortable, but it wasn’t that lady’s fault

yes it was her fault, she should have booked two seats or at least booked an aisle seat. Its also highly unlikely that her weight isn't her fault in the first place.

It's awkward but someone at check in should have the responsibility of pulling very large passengers to one side and discussing their options with them. For this woman to be encroaching on another seat in such a way she must have been morbidly obese and this would have been visible to the staff who checked her in. Yes it would have been an embarrassing conversation for them to have but would have avoided any further embarrassment and the discomfort of their other paying customers.

Perhaps their website should make it very clear that passengers over a certain weight will need to book 2 seats or they may face this kind of situation.

SinkGirl · 18/02/2019 00:14

Not at all shocked about the OP being called a “drama queen” blatantly because she has fibro - and being “hmm” about it? FFS. I see this attitude all the time and it’s absolutely disgraceful. I’m diagnosed with fibro although I’m reasonably sure it’s something else - I can fly no problem, but being forced into a stress position and being unable to move properly for hours would cause me extreme pain too.

OP, you did nothing wrong. You were far more accommodating and polite than many would be in this situation. I would be mortified to cause this much discomfort to someone else and would have accepted any offer to move. She should have accepted your husband’s offer. You should definitely let the airline know - the next person she sits next to is likely to be far less polite. I know some airlines check that larger passengers will fit in a seat and the arm rests can be lowered before take off. If not, they need to buy an extra seat if one is available, or they can’t fly. Yes, it sucks that she needs to buy two seats but that is what she needs to do. It’s not acceptable to expect the stranger next to you to be unable to use their table or take up their space.

Original poster
Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:14

The problem is mybaa people carry weight in different ways so if they start asking for you weight when you book a person weighing over the set amount could have more fat on them and another could be very tall with muscle mass. Like my husband because he is very tall, trains and works out most of his muscle is on his legs, chest and shoulders and he fits into a plane seat without issue but someone else weighting that might not as they may be shorter

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 18/02/2019 00:14

but MissGiddyPants you wouldn't ask another passenger to put their tray table up while they were eating because it was causing you discomfort would you?

Original poster
Redcampions · 18/02/2019 00:15

A lot of overweight people can fit in plane seats though MissGiddyPants as long as you can get the armrest down and he tray I would say you are more then fine

OP posts:
user1471426142 · 18/02/2019 00:16

As harsh as it sounds if she was large enough that you couldn’t put your tray and arm rest down she probably shouldn’t have been on the flight without booking a second seat. That is quite a lot of spill over. You might expect a bit of leg squishing if someone is a bit larger but your situation did sound quite bad.

The only thing I wonder is if cabin crew could have moved her to an aisle seat (and offered compensation accordingly) so there was more room. You might have all been more comfortable if your DH had swapped with her (albeit if he’s tall and booked an aisle that would have been a bit crap). What about the lady that was on her other side, could she put her tray down?

Dreamzcancometrue · 18/02/2019 00:16

Reading your OP, you had every right to complain. But at the same time you managed to come out of there alive, so you should just let it go now and know for next time.

janetforpresident · 18/02/2019 00:16

redcampions good point it shouldn't be weight but maybe just specify that the armrest has to come down ( and to give the dimensions of the seat), then it's up to individuals to decide whether they think they will fit or not. If they take the risk they know they may be asked to get off the plane.