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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I should complain about this situation to make the airline aware but I am not sure

303 replies

Redcampions · 17/02/2019 23:33

Got back from a week away in New York a few days ago.
Me and DH got on the plane the plane had rows four seats in the middle. DH was on one end, me next to him. The seat next to me was free and then there was another lady at the other end.

One of the last passengers on was this very large lady who ended up sat next to me. She ended up taking a good bit of my seat, the armrest could not be out down, she could not get the tray table done. I soon realised that when I put my tray down it was digging into her and every time she moved it was flipping up anyway. So I put it up and left it
DH is quite tall and he did offer to move but I don’t think he would have fit in three quarter of a seat to be honest. We are now just after take off and I can feel my fibromyalgia and begin to kick because can’t move properly. DH pretents to go to the toliet and discreetly the flight attendant asks if there is anywhere I can move to.

The flight attendant says no the flight is full and says the lady should have booked two seats especially as the arm rest doesn’t go down.

I manage to sit for a hour and then I get up and stand in the aisle. The flight attendant asks if I am ok and I said yep I just needed to move for a while.

The inflight drink comes so I sit down and have a drink without using my tray.

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.

The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want. The women bursts into tears. My husband offers to swap with her then she can have more room with the ailse but she says she is sitting in her booked seat and it being shamed into moving.
I gulp my meal down and raise my tray as quickly as I can.

By this time I am in agony and on the verge of tears myself and keep having to move into the aisle. The flight attendant takes pity on me and lets me sit in one of the jumpsears till we start coming into land. I was so grateful.

On landing a returned to my seat and the women turns to me and says I have made her feel awful and I have fat shamed her. The guy in front turns around and said it was not my fault and most people would not have been as polite as me. She bursts into tears again.

I have never been so glad to get off the plane.

Two days later I am still in agony as it has triggered a flare and feel awful. My DH says I need to complain and say the airline should have made her book 2 seats. I just don’t know as I know the seats on aircraft are not generous anyway and she could be big through no fault of her own and may not be able to afford to seats in the future.

I am up now in agony and can’t sleep and it’s all going through my mind with me thinking was I horrible and could i have handled things better.

I bloody hate flying

OP posts:
ScrumpyCrack · 19/02/2019 00:33

Say if a person buys two seats because they don’t fit in one, how does that solve the arm rest problem?

If planes can’t take off or land with the arm rests up but a person can’t physically put it down, what then?

AGHHHH · 19/02/2019 01:31

@ScrumpyCrack I just read that the arm rests are required to be put down because if the plane comes to a stop they could injure someone if they come flying down... pun not intended. If a larger person taking up two seats and physically prevent it from coming down then I suppose that wouldn't be an issue anymore.

BlueSlipperSocks · 19/02/2019 02:07

The last time I flew I spent 4 hours with some guys flab spilling over me, no leg room because he sat with his legs apart with his foot and leg taking up half my leg space and a screaming toddler, with a very loud mother, the other side. It was the flight from Hell!

I'm not very big but as I moved over in my seat, to avoid the invading flab, the kid the other side kept catching me with his foot as he spent most of the flight screaming, kicking and flailing his body around in temper because he didn't want to sit quiety and watch whatever his mother was showing him on her phone.

I haven't plucked up enough courage to fly since.

There should definitely be larger seats for larger people. Nobody wants the flesh of a complete stranger touching them. Yuk! 🤮 ........ Or to be sat next to screaming kids.

Uptheshard · 19/02/2019 02:23

Next time when going long haul..book world traveller class. Seats bigger than economy. I work at BA. It's a reoccurring problem. If you can afford it book business. Your own seat ..no overflow from obese passengers.

MidniteScribbler · 19/02/2019 02:52

I agree with the posters who say they should put the seat dimensions on the information when booking with the condition that you should not book unless you can fit in the seat.

SeatGuru. Problem solved.

twiceinalifetime · 19/02/2019 03:38

I'm not sure what the airline can do about enforcing passengers over a certain size to book two seats but I would certainly be complaining to them about the avoidance of safety rules. Every airline I have ever flown with insist that the armrests are down for take off and landing. If the airline has breached this then I think that issue should be taken further.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. I don't have fibro so can't imagine how you felt but it sounds awful. Flying is uncomfortable enough as it is.

I'm glad to hear that another passenger spoke up for you though.

I'm also angry to read some of the nasty comments on here. Some people are just complete cowards, hiding behind their keyboards and making stupid, uneducated comments.

Hope your next flight is better :)

WinterCoat · 19/02/2019 03:43

Am struggling to understand why this lady booked and wanted to stay in one of the 2 inside seats of a 4.
OP how did the person on the other side of her do? Presume they also couldn't use their tray or arm rest either? Or did they not complain?

Wakk · 19/02/2019 04:35

I was going to ask what the woman on the other side did too.

crazyforspn · 19/02/2019 04:51

I used to weigh more due to health issues (not from the UK but size UK20) and have flown multiple times to different countries. It is MY responsibility to ensure I fit in the seat and I book my seats accordingly. I didn't need to buy two seats as I did fit in one but I also would check the airlines seat size (flying with the company with the biggest seats) and if necessary pay for the more expensive/larger seats. It would not have been fair to anyone sitting next to me otherwise (even if that person is usually my travelling partner).

It is not anyone else's responsibility, including cabin crew, to cater to someone who doesn't check whether they can actually fit in one seat.

This lady was being way to dramatic about this.

I think you did the right thing letting the airline know, as she could have made a complaint against the cabin crew for "fat shaming" and without anyone else saying something the airline might believe her and the crew could have faced disciplinary action.

Placebogirl · 19/02/2019 05:32

Ok, again (to the poster who said anyone displaying any sympathy for the fat woman must be big themselves) I fit comfortably within a seat BUT: The airlines have some responsibility here. As people have gotten both taller and wider, the airlines have made their seats smaller and closer together. Even when you book two seats, the airlines will not guarantee that they are together, or that you will get the second one.

The airlines are pitting passengers against each other here, and leaving their cabin crews to sort out the mess. That's horrible, and inhumane, and TBH legislation is probably the only way to fix it. In the meantime complaining to the airline and making it their problem is probably the best alternative.

Santaclarita · 19/02/2019 05:57

The fat woman sounds like my aunt. She doesn't give a shit about anyone else either and is fully prepared to cause a scene to get her way. Glad you have emailed the airline, they need to know their policy isn't being followed. It may have been a newbie who let her on and forgot to question it. But still not on.

OneStepSideways · 19/02/2019 06:14

You were very patient and did your best not to draw attention to her. I don't think I would have been able to sit there without feeling enraged/claustrophobic at the invasion of space (and her failure to book 2 seats) and would have put pressure on the airline crew to make her move to an aisle seat. Or I would have made a fuss before take off in the hope they'd find her a seat with more room (or make her take a different flight with more space if she refused). You had a medical reason not to be squashed.

It's incredibly selfish to only book one seat if you know you take up two. Unless it's her first time flying I don't think there's any excuse for her behaviour. Especially telling you to put your tray up at mealtime!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/02/2019 11:56

I'm not sure what the airline can do about enforcing passengers over a certain size to book two seats

The problem may well solve itself if those too obese to fit a seat were made to leave the aircraft. No doubt there'd be wailing and gnashing of teeth, but if enough airlines applies this consistently it wouldn't take long for the message to get through

As crazyforspn rightly said, "It's not anyone else's responsibility, including cabin crew, to cater to someone who doesn't check whether they can actually fit in one seat"

"How would they know if they fit?" has already been amply covered, but another idea might be for airlines to fund a standard, "sample seat" in the countless luggage shops

scubaqueen1 · 19/02/2019 13:32

Frequent flier here so understand this issue completely. The only time I have taken it up with the airline, I wasn't met with much sympathy even although I pointed out that the ticket constituted a contract between the airline and me for them to provide a seat with associated legroom. My issue was that the middle seat of three(I was at the window) was taken by a man who couldn't fit into it and encroached into my space therefore I didn't get the whole seat I had paid for. I hate being squashed, touched and sweated on by people I know never mind total strangers. In the end I got some frequent flier points which I suppose is something so you should ask for compensation of some sort.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/02/2019 15:55

As a very short person I have also thought being charged per kilo for body weight and luggage would be a great idea

I am also a short person, but almost as wide as I am tall, and I think this is a terrible idea Grin

UrsulaPandress · 19/02/2019 17:35

Dear god. So small people get to travel more cheaply. Not sure where this would lead.

Duckshead · 19/02/2019 17:47

Yes what about the passenger on the other side of her?

RandomMess · 19/02/2019 18:10

Ursula I'd settle for a larger luggage allowance Grin

Weight is the big cost in fuel usage so it is kind off logical, alas DH is very tall so all my savings would just be counter balanced by him I reckon Sad

LastDance · 19/02/2019 18:30

Glad you've emailed the airline OP. The women should have booked two seats or been refused boarding. Shocking that she wasn't.

Original poster
Redcampions · 19/02/2019 18:54

The lady on the other side was on an aisle seat so had more room. She slept most of the way, didn’t order a preflight meal and didn’t use the tray but I don’t think the lack of tray usage was anything to do with the big lady, she just wanted to sleep I think

OP posts:
areyoureallysaying · 19/02/2019 19:03

OMG I have all the sympathy for you OP. I suffered a similar situation on a flight home from Florida. Luckily I complained before take off (we were stuck on the tarmac for at least 20 mins and it became very apparent that I would not be able to put down my arm rest or tray)
The plane was fully booked so the man in question was off loaded and had to transfer to a later flight where he was required to pay for two seats.

Kisskiss · 19/02/2019 19:13

Yanbu at all!!! If it’s the airlines policy that someone who can’t sit with the armrest down needs to buy 2 seats, it’s the airline’s duty to make it clear at the point of ticket purchase.. and fir ground staff to enforce this at the point of boarding.
One or both of the above didn’t happen and it ended up making your trip hell. So yes, you should complain.. sounds like a horrible and painful experience

Jocasta2018 · 20/02/2019 09:14

How about trial seats both at the check-in desk and at security?
That way, the person is told they have to buy an extra seat straight away, whether they're putting luggage in the hold or only using carry-on luggage.

GreenTulips · 20/02/2019 10:46

How about trial seats both at the check-in desk and at security?
Said no previous poster ever

showerpower · 20/02/2019 11:02

They have trial seats on rides in Orlando. If you don't fit, you don't ride.