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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give dd a bottle of Prosecco

423 replies

pasanda · 17/02/2019 18:28

DD is 15 tmrw and has a friend coming round tonight to celebrate before we go away for a few days tomorrow.

She's asked for a bottle of Prosecco for them to share, to celebrate.

Would you let her?

OP posts:
2019willbegreat · 19/02/2019 08:05

They really
Friends did
On the bus!!

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 08:15

Yes if other mums ok with it. I'd much rather that option than the illicit ways me and my friends at 15 got alcohol.

If you make it taboo it won't stop then it will make it more attractive and they will just lie to you.

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 08:21

At 15 we used to save lunch money all week and get a 70cl bottle of vodka between 2 of us and a couple of cans of pop each and swig them on the park. (Of course we were at Claire's house for a sleepover!?!)

The kids whose parents were very strict on drink were the ones who ended up shitfaced and having to stop over at a mates. Didn't stop them, all kids from nice working families etc. None of us were dragged up. All have gone on to be hard working well rounded adults.

overjoyedmumma · 19/02/2019 08:31

I’m going to go against the marjority and say I really don’t see the issue. When I was that age, a lot of girls I knew were sneaking out, standing round shop corners asking for strangers to buy them cheap vodka, then sitting in a freezing cold park late at night drinking. In my opinion, I don’t see what harm half a bottle in the safety of your own home could do? As long as you’re there to supervise, and the other parent is fine with it. My mum was always much more trusting with alcohol with me, and as a result I never went behind her back, and was always really sensible with alcohol, and knew my limits. Unlike a lot of my friends who’s parents were much stricter, they still drank, just in secret and in a dangerous environment.

scubadive · 19/02/2019 08:36

15 no. I would buy A bottle of Caribbean twist. All my sons female friends like this and starting drinking this, it’s popular and not very alcoholic.

LaFreaka · 19/02/2019 08:46

As usual loads of anecdotes that are pretty meaningless - your teen’s attitude to alcohol will be most likely aligned to their attitude to risk and authority. My friend pushed alcohol on her dd from a young age - around 13 - her dd now 21 is not interested, she doesn’t like having anymore than one - hates busy pubs and clubs - my friend keeps using her dd as evidence that permissive drinking at a young age puts them off - the reality is her dd was and is just not that into it regardless of her mum’s attitude.

Tunnocks34 · 19/02/2019 08:50

I probably would allow th prosecco but probably not the whole bottle, the small individual ones and make sure there is food too.

Half a bottle of prosecco would have me pretty tipsy so I imagine a 15 year old would be quite drunk.

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 08:52

A lot of reply's on here remind me of the stricter parents of my friends growing up. Defiantly not they cry, honestly if they want to drink/smoke/have sex/ they will whatever you say or think. Best to keep lines of communication open than make it a complete taboo that they Darnt bring up

JRMisOdious · 19/02/2019 08:55

I'd give them champagne. They'd get a glass each and I'd have the remainder.

Oh BeachtheButler, the lengths you are prepared to go to protect your offspring are inspiring 😁

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/02/2019 10:47

The kids whose parents were very strict on drink were the ones who ended up shitfaced and having to stop over at a mates

Actually it is the ones who’s mums said this was going to happen to my dc who have all been to A&E to watch their child’s stomach being pumped.
It was the fact their parents encouraged drinking in their teens which made it acceptable for them to go out and drink more and more.

Dd gets a lot paid for from me and I made it quite clear I that would not continue if she decided to piss her future up the wall

Fishwifecalling · 19/02/2019 11:07

Ah that's the answer them.
We should all blackmail our kids into not drinking Confused

LaFreaka · 19/02/2019 11:08

Actually it is the ones who’s mums said this was going to happen to my dc who have all been to A&E to watch their child’s stomach being pumped. You know a lot of people this has happened to? That's amazing - I have never met anyone who had had their stomach pumped, I wonder how common it is. What age were these children?

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/02/2019 11:25

Actually know 3 of the mums who have had dc who have ended up in A&E because of their drinking.
Same 3 mums who told me before that this would be the fate of my dd because I was so strict with her.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/02/2019 11:32

Ah that's the answer them.
We should all blackmail our kids into not drinking

It is called being a parent. Maybe a few more people should try it rather than providing alcohol to teens because they are too scared that if they say no their child will hate them and go sneaking out and buy alcohol anyway.

If we are taking the view that most children drink and most are allowed to by their parents to teach them how to drink.

Why do we have a problem with alcohol in this country.

You can’t blame it on parents like myself who have enforced a strict no alcohol policy because as everyone on here agrees my way is the minuscule minority.

LaFreaka · 19/02/2019 11:36

Actually know 3 of the mums who have had dc who have ended up in A&E because of their drinking. Ok so 3 Mums who took their kids to A&E - did all these kids subsequently get their stomach pumped?

LaFreaka · 19/02/2019 11:46

There's also something reassuring that the Mums took their kids to A&E - when we were teens drinking no one would return a teen home in that state, they'd have been grounded for life - so it suggests those mums had good relationships with their kids and if those kids were hell bent on drinking to that extent - really do need to be able to ask their parents for help - their lives are in danger - short of locking them up - you are really going to struggle stopping a teen doing this (they will - you just won't know about it).

Original poster
pasanda · 19/02/2019 13:04

Olivers.

'It's called being a parent'

I'm sure most of the people on this thread are parents.

The way you come across is so smug and as if your way is the only right way. Parents are all different.

Teenagers are all different. Some push the boundaries more than others. My ds is nearly 18 and I've picked him up from so many teen parties where alcohol has quite clearly been consumed. In my experience, I know of not one teen who has never had alcohol. Even ds's long term girlfriend- straight A student, got an offer from Cambridge, daughter of a vicar, you get the picture!

It has certainly been an interesting thread for me. I think the majority on it view the suggestion of a whole bottle too much. I agree now. Which is why she didn't have a whole bottle. But I'd rather allow her to drink with my permission than drink secretly behind my back. It's all about trust and maintaining our relationship for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
pasanda · 19/02/2019 13:07

And I know she is a teen who has already gone behind my back, so this is my way of trying to prevent that happening again.

Not ideal, but it's who she is.

OP posts:
Original poster
pasanda · 19/02/2019 13:09

Also, I don't know if any teens who have had to go to hospital because of alcohol

Olivers - it must be the type of teens yours are friends with I guess Wink

OP posts:
Auntiepatricia · 19/02/2019 13:15

I knew quite a few girls in school who got their stomach pumped. Can think of 5. All from families where they were pretty relaxed about stuff like alcohol, boyfriends, movie content (watching 18s at 14 etc). It’s purely anecdotal but when I think of the kids who were drinking and having sex, giving blow jobs and experimenting, they were all from pretty relaxed parent houses. They had the ‘cool’ parents. I was from a strict house, so were a number of my close friends (and some other friends were the ones mentioned above). On the whole we were more scared of alcohol, didn’t like how it made us feel, so would sip away and ‘feel sick’ after one can thinking we were such rebels! We (not all exactly the same level but to some degree) were far slower to get boyfriends, to get fingered, only one of us had sex before college! Honestly strict parents don’t really breed rebels. They breed kids that are more nervous of jumping into grown up things in my experience.

cherrryontop · 19/02/2019 13:30

As long as they won't be left alone and the other parent are ok with it I would let them have one mini bottle each as long as they made it last the night and had it with some lemonade.

The NHS website recommends no earlier than 15 for allowing the occasional supervised drink.

I think there needs to be some compromise from parents regarding this. We all know teenagers will find a way, so I would rather allow the occasional drink at home or on a special occasion, and try to teach them to be responsible, rather than potentially drive them to drinking spirits on the streets and getting in a state.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/02/2019 14:13

There's also something reassuring that the Mums took their kids to A&E

Don’t think any actually took their children to A&E the Childrens friends did. A&E were the ones to call their parents.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/02/2019 14:14

Auntiepatricia

Exactly

LaFreaka · 19/02/2019 14:14

strict parents don’t really breed rebels ohh they do...they just don't know about it.

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