To give dd a bottle of Prosecco

[pasanda]

DD is 15 tmrw and has a friend coming round tonight to celebrate before we go away for a few days tomorrow.

She's asked for a bottle of Prosecco for them to share, to celebrate.

Would you let her?

Never give a 15 a bottle of alcohol once they start they won't stop they be out drinking with mates because you allowed once

The opinions on alcohol on MN are so unbelieveably out of touch! Whilst I'm sure some of you might have children who would never dream of touching a drop - most of you are probably just in the dark about what your kids are doing. I know next to no teenagers who don't drink, and I also know many who hit university having been restricted who go all out downing a whole bottle of spirits a night (I wish I was exaggerating!)

If you think a couple of glasses of prosecco is going to turn someone into an alcoholic then you really need to do your research.

I would and I have and know many other 'normal' parents who do the same.

Hairyporkers comment from the early part of the thread was spot on!

Think I' d be querying why the request for alcohol? Has DD perhaps already indulged that she is requesting Prosecco? Just think the day before her birthday she was still 14, does a day make it okay to give alcohol. No from me.

I'd give them champagne. They'd get a glass each and I'd have the remainder.

I wonder how many of the no-ers have younger kids and an idealised version of how they will parent when their kids are teenagers?

How they think they will parent and how they actually parent when faced with reality might be very different.

I am a strict parent, my children would probably say very strict! But tbh, i think this is fine. All the pps saying they shouldn't until they're 18 and they're going to turn into alcoholics!!!! Teenagers/early 20s in this country have one of the worst problems with drinking/binge drinking/getting totally wasted in europe (maybe alot of the world). Most countries allow children to drink from a young age, with a meal and watered down obviously. This takes the 'mystery' away so its not a big deal as they get older. In the uk we just say 'NO' to everything and then of course they are going to want to do it. Problem is they will then do it secretly in an unsafe environment. I think I'd prefer them to do it in my house where i can monitor the situation...the alternative is they go and do it at the park drinking god knows what with god knows who!

I wonder how many of the no-ers have younger kids and an idealised version of how they will parent when their kids are teenagers?

My youngest is 17 and my eldest is 22 and lost my idealised version of rearing teens long since but I am flabberghasted that anyone thinks it is ok to give bottle of prosecco to a girl who has already sneaked drinks age 14 and is just turned 15. I don't know another mother in real life who thinks this is ok. But I don't live in the UK so this may be cultural.

Conflating a 15 year old getting a small glass of wine at a big family dinner in Italy with a 15 year old asking for a bottle of prosecco to celebrate her birthday is just illogical. The two scenarios are utterly different. If the OP had posted "my dd turned 15 and at her birthday dinner to celebrate asked if she could have a glass of the wine dh and I were sharing" I might feel differently. I would have said no but I could see someone saying "sure, try this, maybe add some water". But no one seems to care that this barely 15 year old girl thinks she needs a bottle of prosecco to have a proper celebration is just sad.

I also think there is a huge amount of naivity along the lines of "show them their limits/have a glass with the family" etc. kids knocking back vodka in the fields aren't doing it because they'd like a glass of wine but mummy won't let them. Kids who use alcohol as a crutch for anxiety and depression aren't doing it because mum wouldn't give them a babycham age 14. All of the studies show the exact opposite of what is being said on here - letting them drink as young teens in a controlled environment with parents has absolutely no good effect. But lots of people don't like that so say it can't be true.

Exactly @Fishwifecalling from your post at 20:43:05
Our approach with our dc too.

However, I'm still a 'no' to a 14 yr old asking to take a bottle of prsecco up to her bedroom to share with her mate.
I wonder how many of the no-ers have younger kids and an idealised version of how they will parent when their kids are teenagers?
My dc are 22, 20, and 17.

No why would you! Why does your daughter think she has to have a bottle of alcohol to celebrate her birthday? There are more appropriate and enjoyable ways that she can celebrate imo

No, I am posting with 3 teens. It's just bizarre to me that most people are all in favour. We spent a long time outside the UK so maybe that's it, but I feel really culturally apart from these attitudes. The UK really has a massive drinking problem and I can see why, from this thread! I am genuinely quite astounded.
Why would my kids be drinking in parks? Utterly bizarre.

It's just bizarre to me that most people are all in favour.

yeah me too (have a 17, 18 and 22 year old). If the girl was 16 turning 17, I could maybe see it. even then there is something grim about handing a bottle of prosecco to a teenager to have up in her room with her friend.

There have been a few studies into whether introducing under-18s to alcohol at home has a positive effect.

Contrary to popular wisdom, it doesn't. Instead, studies show that the chances of binge drinking, alcohol-related harm or displaying symptoms of alcohol use disorder are all higher among those who were provided alcohol by parents.

Don't encourage it.

There's a difference between not making alcohol taboo and carte blanche. (Female) OH was getting regularly shitfaced at 15, clubs, pubs. I didn't drink until 18.

Both of us gave DD limited access to alcohol from 17, 19 now, she drinks but doesn't get to the point she loses control. DS on the other hand was drinking from 15 (not living with us), pushes the limits to not knowing what he's doing. He's 23 now and has calmed down but has those occasions.

I know the events passed now but allowing a 15-yo to experience getting tipsy surely encourages seeking that same feel good happiness and stretches it.

I wonder how many of the no-ers have younger kids and an idealised version of how they will parent when their kids are teenagers

Mine are 16 and 19.

19 year old is either at work, driving to work or driving her friends when she is out with them.

16 year old is just not interested. He seems to have ended up in a class in college with people 3 years his senior so whilst they might like his dsis go to clubs and pubs at the weekend, he cannot get in them whether he drinks or not because he isn’t old enough.

“I wonder how many of the no-ers have younger kids and an idealised version of how they will parent when their kids are teenagers?”

Welll you don’t need to wonder. Loads of people who said no said they had teenagers.

Why are people comparing smoking with drinking? it’s substantially easier (on average) to quit drinking or even control it! Smoking is addictive and a constant habit where as drinking is far less frequent and can be given up with minimal effort! Obviously there are exceptions to this but clearly from OPs replies they didn’t drink much at all so it hardly seams to be a problem! Teenagers will drink with or with our permission from there parents!

No way. My mum was buying me vodka at that age, its certainly not a tradition that I will carry on.

Drinking a few units of alcohol on a weekly basis from the age of 15 impacts your cognitive function - in other words it makes you dumber...to the tune of about one GCSE grade across the board. So all those people who say "to never did me any harm"?.....

Whatever you do - don't try to con them with low alcohol sparklers - they will think they can hold their drink and head for more the next time. A couple of drinks will make little difference to anything - there is clearly a wide range of opinion but one thing is certain teenagers are very good at finding ways to get what they want - with their parents endorsement or not - I could tell stories that would shock my mother, I'd rather know what my dd is up to, I feel I can keep her safe that way. I'd rather not overreact to drinking some alcohol, i'd rather give measured response, so when I try to educate her about relative risks she believes me - rather than rolls her eyes at her overly strict parent.
What decision you make op has to come down to your relationship with your dd and what kind of personality your dd has, overly strict is as bad as overly lax, in terms of how it affects teenage behaviour.

Watching the catsbums' competitive joyless parenting on these threads is better than any sitcom.

Yes, i'm sure it's jolly amusing etc. It feels like some 1970s timewarp to me

I googled some stats

www.ias.org.uk/Alcohol-knowledge-centre/Underage-drinking/Factsheets/Prevalence-of-underage-drinking.aspx

So now I know my kids are in a minority, but a large one. 25% of kids never drunk alcohol by age 15. But the poorest kids, 50% have never drunk alcohol by age 15. By ethnic origin, it is by far most prevalent amongst the white population. Only 10% of Asian kids have tried alcohol by that age. And overall, rates are falling dramatically in numbers of teen drinkers. That fits with my kids friends - it's like smoking - duh - not cool.

Mumsnet is that weird white middle class bubble once again.

My Son is 19 now and we allowed him to celebrate his 16th at home with some alcohol with his friends. At 17 he went to a few friends house Party's and had a drink there as well. ( always knew the parents and they were at the party as well) on his 18th Birthday he felt no need to go mad drinking as he knew what it was like, but when his friends 18th came and they'd never been allowed to try alchol they got extremely drink and sick. Even now at 19 he goes out has a drink but doesn't get legless like the ones who never were allowed any. I'm pleased me and DH did it our way.
Let your daughter and friend enjoy a glass and you have one as well that way she will get to 18 and see it as not such a big thing and be sensible when out. Hope she has a great birthday.

I think I'd go with a small toasting glass. My opinion might be skewed though as despite being 40, half a bottle of prosecco would have me absolutely shit faced!

You may find that they rely just want to pose and take selfies with it to post on SM. That's what my DD and her friends dud around that age. They hardly actually swallowed a drop!