AIBU to complain that a home temperature of 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is too hot

[Throwaway111]

AIBU by complaining that keeping our house temperature at 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is uncomfortably hot?

We live in a newly renovated house that is well insulated and has a new heating system. It's controlled by 2 thermostats- one upstairs and one downstairs. My partner insists on setting the thermostats to at least 22.5 degrees and quite often puts it up to 23 or 23.5 degrees. At the time I'm writing this the actual temperature in the house is 23.5 degrees- confirmed by the thermostat and 2 monitors in the kids' rooms.

I find this temperature far too hot, particularly at night, when I find it too hot to sleep comfortably. Our kids also complain regularly about being too hot and are often covered in sweat at night. Our two year old has minor intermittent eczema that I think is made worse by having the house so hot.

We're fortunate that we can afford our heating bills so money is not really an issue but comfort is.

We've tried to discuss this and come to a compromise but have not been able to. We previously agreed to keep the thermostat at 22.5 downstairs and 22 upstairs but this failed because my partner repeatedly turned up the thermostat because she felt cold. My partner gets cross when windows are opened and says she just feels cold (and she does- she wears a dressing gown, jumper and socks to sleep in). She is home in the day a lot more than I am.

I don't think she has a medical condition but have asked her to go to her GP to be checked for hypothyroidism.

I'm finding her behaviour very selfish and am becoming quite cross at her unwillingness to compromise on this.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to do?

Some people (I’m one of them, my DM is another) just feel the cold more than others. It can be cold if you’re just sitting still. That said, I do get hot at night so open the bedroom window a bit, I also like the cold when I have a migraine, but that’s about the only time. My house is probably uncomfortable to some but I’m freezing at some of my friends/relatives houses.

Wow you'd hate my house my thermostat doesn't come on until under 13 degrees.

She needs to wear more clothing and do a bit more activity. Or at least turn the thermostat down at night so the kids aren't uncomfortable.

she wears a dressing gown, jumper and socks to sleep in

^This definitely isn’t normal.

You aren't. We have the same issue. I went full nude until she cooled the place down. Now we have a 19, which I still find uncomfortable. Compromise would be an electric blanket or warm clothes. It's easier and more environmentally friendly to warm up a cold person in a cold house than cool down a hot person in a hot house.

(Sneaky compromise wouod be not touching the thermostat but timing the heating so only on a few hours morning and night) ;)

I would be cold at that temperature and need it at 25 to be comfortable. Unfortunately men don’t feel the cold in the same way women do (forgive me if you are not a man). Our office is heated to a comfortable temperature for the men and I have to sit there in my coat half the time as I am physically shivering. No idea what the solution is but you are being unreasonable to expect her to be cold just as she is being unreasonable expecting you to be hot. No one is in the wrong. It is unlucky that you have different body temperatures.

Wearing that many clothes to sleep in such a warm house sounds abnormal to the extent of requiring a medical explanation to me.

I would also find that too hot and it is horrible trying to sleep in overheated rooms. Uncomfortable, drying, suffocating, inescapable.

That would kill me. Max 19C for a few hours during the day if needed, completely off at night. I hate being too hot.

Can you turn off individual radiators? 16-20 is the recommended range for young children, so I'd turn theirs off completely. Would a gro egg help show her it's unreasonable?

Wow! I don't know anyone who has the thermostat set that high, especially at night. I think I'd suffocate.

And I sometimes sleep in a fleece onesie at 25 degrees because I am still cold!

I would find that too hot. I usually only put the heating on at 14/15 degrees, and then just for 10-15 minutes to heat the place up. But I do have a well insulated house. I never have the heating on at night.

I do think that the more you have the heating on, the more you feel the cold so perhaps she's used to the warmth.

But having the temperature at 22 degrees then still feeling cold enough to sleep in a dressing gown does strike me as odd. I mean 22 degrees is nearly a warm spring/summer day where you'd expect to go out without a coat. I think that is possibly grounds for a check at the doctor's.

YANBU. That would be way too hot for me too.

Can you agree that she can have the temperature higher during the day, when she is at home more than you are, so you wear a t-shirt or whatever? If you’re at home less than she is, it is less important that the house is cool for you.

In exchange, at night, can you agree that the temperature is turned down so it isn’t difficult to sleep? It is actually easier to sleep in cooler air. You could perhaps swap a shared duvet for two singles that you can have at the appropriate tog level for each of you. She can wear pyjamas, etc., and have a 13.5 tog single duvet. You can wear whatever you’re comfortable in and have a lower tog single duvet. Alternatively - and what my DH and I do - have a shared duvet at a lower tog with your partner’s side loaded up with blankets. So long as she can be warm enough at night, she ought to be prepared to lower the heat level!

Good luck.

Buy her a hot water bottle and an electric blanket.

But actually I have turned the radiator right down in my DD’s room because she has eczema too.

I couldn't live at that temperature. I'd have to sleep in the shed.

Great idea to have separate duvets!

I feel the cold but never put it above 22..at night 17 or no one would sleep

It sounds high to me, but different people are comfortable at different temperatures. Neither of you are necessarily being unreasonable.

Ideally I’d have the thermostat at 20 during the day and 18 at night. DH prefers it a few degrees cooler. We have the thermostat wars all the time.

This is about my normal day time temperature, but we go for about 18 during the night. If she's wearing all that to sleep in it's quite unusual. If I was her I'd probably have a check up, but some people do feel the cold more than others, and some feel the heat more.

Bloody hell that’s very hot.

Our house is set at 19 during the day and off all night. And our house is old and draughty.

I think she needs to go and see the dr, 23 at night and still wearing all those clothes is not normal.

Dear God, YANBU! That's waaaaay too hot for me. It's not ok if your kids are uncomfortable too. I do think that the temperature should be set at the lower point if there is a disagreement (within reason obviously) because there's more you can do if you're just a bit chilly and it's absolutely miserable if you can't escape the heat!

It would be too hot for me. I would be too dry as well with the heat on all the time.

The fact the children are too hot and cam be sweating, plus one has eczema would be the clincher for me. Their needs need to.come first.

There are various points of view on the heating and there's no right and wrong. But it does seem unusual to need a dressing gown and jumper on as well as all that heat at night.

Far too hot.

I feel the cold more than most people due to an underactive thyroid condition. 20 is plenty. We don't have heating on at all over night - well it will click on if the temperature drops below 13c but it never does. Not even in the coldest winter nights and we're in Scotland.

People who need 23c overnight or are still cold in a fleece at 25c need to see their doctor as this is not normal.