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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to complain that a home temperature of 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is too hot

145 replies

Throwaway111 · 16/02/2019 20:51

AIBU by complaining that keeping our house temperature at 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is uncomfortably hot?

We live in a newly renovated house that is well insulated and has a new heating system. It's controlled by 2 thermostats- one upstairs and one downstairs. My partner insists on setting the thermostats to at least 22.5 degrees and quite often puts it up to 23 or 23.5 degrees. At the time I'm writing this the actual temperature in the house is 23.5 degrees- confirmed by the thermostat and 2 monitors in the kids' rooms.

I find this temperature far too hot, particularly at night, when I find it too hot to sleep comfortably. Our kids also complain regularly about being too hot and are often covered in sweat at night. Our two year old has minor intermittent eczema that I think is made worse by having the house so hot.

We're fortunate that we can afford our heating bills so money is not really an issue but comfort is.

We've tried to discuss this and come to a compromise but have not been able to. We previously agreed to keep the thermostat at 22.5 downstairs and 22 upstairs but this failed because my partner repeatedly turned up the thermostat because she felt cold. My partner gets cross when windows are opened and says she just feels cold (and she does- she wears a dressing gown, jumper and socks to sleep in). She is home in the day a lot more than I am.

I don't think she has a medical condition but have asked her to go to her GP to be checked for hypothyroidism.

I'm finding her behaviour very selfish and am becoming quite cross at her unwillingness to compromise on this.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to do?

OP posts:
tor8181 · 16/02/2019 21:51

my house is early 30s usually but i live on and around a mountain and it gets very cold and dark here as there is nothing around us (only street here)

i have kids that need to be naked all the time due to sensory issues so ive got to keep the house warm

its a big 3 bedroom with big rooms and my heating is very good but its either on or off(i would love a thermostat)

its usually high 20s to early 30s and thats all hours of the day as we turn it on and off at will

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/02/2019 21:52

And ha that I've posted the exact opposite to you!

Handay · 16/02/2019 21:52

I don't see how this can be an aibu because everyone has different temperature preferences. 22.5 to 23.5 sounds fine to me. Others it will be too warm for (like the wanker guy at work who insists on opening the window in December) but no one is wrong really, you just need different things. Personally I'd rather be too hot than too cold because when I'm cold it is literally all I can think about and therefore my enjoyment of life is limited. Other people start creating about not being able to bear it if the temperature gets above 20. Everyone is different.

RomaineCalm · 16/02/2019 21:53

I feel the cold and I am also likely to wander around in a vest and PJ bottoms with no socks or slippers.

We have the heating on for a couple of hours (6am-8am) in the morning and then again in the evening (5pm-10pm) and that seems to be plenty to keep the house warm enough - even for me. Thermostat is generally set for 22/23 degrees but I have the radiators turned down in the bedrooms and they are noticeably cooler.

Scienceforthewin · 16/02/2019 21:53

Buy her a single electric blanket :) great invention.

Handay · 16/02/2019 21:54

LOL @ people doing star jumps to keep warm. Yeah, OP, just tell your partner to do star jumps, in her own house, to solve the problem of her being cold. Because that's a solution. Hmm

littlebillie · 16/02/2019 21:55

Warm in the day up to 19 in the evening and off at night. If you are in bed you don't need heating

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/02/2019 21:57

Sometimes people feel cold because they've been sitting in one place too long. I know I do. Getting up and doing some vigorous activity helps.

Not sure why being active for 30 seconds warrants a Hmm face considering OP hasn't mentioned anything the wife does do to stay warm other than putting the heating on and wearing a lot at night.

PriscillaLydiaSellon · 16/02/2019 22:00

Just reading your OP makes me feel ill, @Throwaway111 I would expire in that heat (and it surely is not good for your DC). My ideal would be about 17 degrees. My DC moan endlessly about me not having the heating on enough, so I have compromised on 18.5 degrees, with the radiator in my own bedroom switched off completely (I also keep my bedroom door shut during the day and when sleeping, to keep the heat out).

I am a small, skinny woman, so "should" feel the cold. XH was always trying to kill me by turning the heating up. Having control of the thermostat is one of the best things about single parenting. Grin

QueenieInFrance · 16/02/2019 22:00

I can't physically get cool
If you can’t get cool then you have NO IDEA how it feels to be freezing cold all the time, even when the temperature is so high.
As I explained it is NEVER as easy as putting layers on, which the OP’s wife is already doing. It’s not as if she is in a T-shirt complaining about being cold!
I have been known to be unable to warm up unless taking an extremely hot shower (despite multiple layers and heating on blast). And even then, getting cold again within minutes (as in my hands and nose and face are already cold to touch despite my legs still being red from the boiling shower)
I’ve been know to feel so cold that my feet felt icy, the same way than if they had been in ice (so you get that burning feeling from touching the ice iyswim). Which also meant my feet were VERY painful and stayed like this until I somehow managed to warm up. That was in the house at a ‘normal’ 20oC....

So whilst I appreciate a temperature too high gives you migraines
1- the OP doesn’t have any issues with migraines unlike you. He/she is just too hot
2- at that level of being cold, the feeling of cold the wife is experiencing is as debilitating as your headaches.

Would you want to inflict headaches to someone, knowing how bad it can be? I’m pretty sure. So why wouod you inflict similar discomfort to someone else? Confused

Handay · 16/02/2019 22:03

If my partner suggested I did star jumps rather than turn the thermostat up, I would be having words. Not nice words either.

And wearing layers doesn't compensate for feeling cold. Which is why people go to Spain for their holidays rather than go to Siberia with a big coat.

Grace212 · 16/02/2019 22:03

I live in a crazy over insulated newish build flat

so 22/23 is a normal temp except on the coldest winter days, it's just how the flat is. (yes, my heating bill is tiny).

I did live in a very cold flat before but got used to this very quickly and still often wear cosy clothes, not what I'd wear in the cold flat, but still...

so I don't think there's anything actually wrong with her, but I completely get that it's too hot for you. my ex used to say walking in here made him think he was going through menopause Grin

so I don't know if you could try to get to a compromise with her...I am staying with mum a lot and her house is freezing compared to my flat, I really felt it the first couple of weeks and then got used to it.

could you reduce by a degree and go from there?

QueenieInFrance · 16/02/2019 22:04

Diana probably because when you are that cold, warming up by moving requires more than just being active for 30seconds???

I certainly wouod need much more than 30s to warm up. More like, 15~30 mins of proper activity rather than just going up the stairs and come back down again.

PooFlower · 16/02/2019 22:05

I wonder if posters who say there heating is set to 13% are confusing room, so room thermostat temp with the temp setting on the boiler?
I like in a poorly insulated, single wall house. The temperature rarely drops below 13% even if we have been away with the heating switched of in Winter. It was one 11% when we had been away for 48 hours and it was -6 outside.

PriscillaLydiaSellon · 16/02/2019 22:05

@Pinkbells how do you manage to turn your Aga off every night? Mine (electric conversion) takes about 24 hours to cool down, and another 24 to heat up to full temperature...

QueenieInFrance · 16/02/2019 22:05

And wearing layers doesn't compensate for feeling cold. Which is why people go to Spain for their holidays rather than go to Siberia with a big coat.
GrinGrin

SquigglySquaw · 16/02/2019 22:05

I think it's really selfish to inflict that on the children, especially with a condition that is worsened with heat. Who does that to a child?! Shock

She should go to the doctor, can't be normal to still be cold in bed with the heating on and extra layers.

curlywurlywooo · 16/02/2019 22:09

We don’t even have heating in our house 😂 (old cottage) being cold is horrible BUT you can do things to keep warm... but trying to stay cool when it’s too hot is impossible. We use hot water bottles at night, wear big socks. We don’t strut about in a t shirt in winter, we put sensible clothes on (jumpers etc) I’ve even been known to wear a bobble hat indoors. Before DH moved in I wore jumpers gloves etc to bed! It’s actually recommended (I read it somewhere) to have a cool bedroom rather than a hot one and layer up, it’s better for us apparently!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/02/2019 22:10

What makes you think that any of what I said means that I'm happy to inflict physical pain on anyone? I pointed out that you'd jumped on the 'I think she's being selfish' without considering the other angle.

How do you manage the way you feel then, if you feel cold at 20 degrees?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/02/2019 22:10

I am always freezing. But I think you're in the right. For 3 reasons

There are 4 of you in the house. It's all about compromise. 3 of you are too hot

I don't know how old your kids are but when they are babies it's not safe for them to be in rooms of those temperatures

It is much easier to warm yourself up than cool yourself down. I am always cold. I sleep in pj's, a fleece hoodie, 2 thick duvets and a pillow on my head when it's cold as there is no point to me in heating the whole house just for me, and I eventually get warm anyway. I eat lots of spicy food and have lots of hot cups of ginger honey and lemon and that helps.

Different people like different temperatures but her need for warmth is being put first. It's not fair if you are all having a bad nights sleep. Could you not keep the rest of the house at a normal temperature and get a fan heater, hot water bottle and electric blanket for her?

Vixxxy · 16/02/2019 22:11

Ours is set at 21 and that suits all of us. Someone (I suspect teen DSD) keeps changing thermostat to 25/26 though which is horrendous..house takes ages to cool down too

SaturdayNext · 16/02/2019 22:14

I would find 23 OK during the day, but far too hot at night. I'm amazed your partner still needs the extra layers with the thermostat at that temperature.

AzureApps · 16/02/2019 22:17

Your partner is selfish

Belenus · 16/02/2019 22:17

My house is set to 17/18 during the day and 14 at night. My parents need theirs at around 22 - nothing to do with what sex you are, for whoever it was who said women feel the cold more!

Point is, she is cold, you and your children are too hot so it's a difficult one as clearly even with layers on she is too cold. Are the radiators individually controlled? Can the temp be turned down in the children's rooms? Or get a separate electric heater for the rooms she is in and have the thermostat set lower and more comfortable but just superheat where she is?

polkadotpixie · 16/02/2019 22:20

I'm a cold person so I would have to say YABU

I like it to be approx 25C downstairs and usually snuggle under a duvet any lower than that

I prefer it a bit cooler in bed though to be fair, around 19C

I'm not skinny, I don't have thyroid problems, I'm just always cold! The only time in my life I've been really hot was when I was pregnant last summer during the heatwave