AIBU to complain that a home temperature of 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is too hot

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AIBU by complaining that keeping our house temperature at 22.5 or 23 degrees celsius is uncomfortably hot?

We live in a newly renovated house that is well insulated and has a new heating system. It's controlled by 2 thermostats- one upstairs and one downstairs. My partner insists on setting the thermostats to at least 22.5 degrees and quite often puts it up to 23 or 23.5 degrees. At the time I'm writing this the actual temperature in the house is 23.5 degrees- confirmed by the thermostat and 2 monitors in the kids' rooms.

I find this temperature far too hot, particularly at night, when I find it too hot to sleep comfortably. Our kids also complain regularly about being too hot and are often covered in sweat at night. Our two year old has minor intermittent eczema that I think is made worse by having the house so hot.

We're fortunate that we can afford our heating bills so money is not really an issue but comfort is.

We've tried to discuss this and come to a compromise but have not been able to. We previously agreed to keep the thermostat at 22.5 downstairs and 22 upstairs but this failed because my partner repeatedly turned up the thermostat because she felt cold. My partner gets cross when windows are opened and says she just feels cold (and she does- she wears a dressing gown, jumper and socks to sleep in). She is home in the day a lot more than I am.

I don't think she has a medical condition but have asked her to go to her GP to be checked for hypothyroidism.

I'm finding her behaviour very selfish and am becoming quite cross at her unwillingness to compromise on this.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to do?

22-23oC is a nice temperature for sitting around in the evening although our bedrooms are a few degrees cooler. I can handle the house being down to about 18oC in the day if I'm active, moving around. I begin to notice the lounge feeling hot at 25-26oC.

If I'm too cold in the house, nothing other than warm air will stop the nasal drip, cold hands and feet. Not multiple jumpers. Not socks and gloves.

I would literally be sweating with the house that hot. I think it's unfair to make the children suffer when they have a medical condition made worse by the heat.

On the other hand it must be difficult for her as well. If she is genuinely cold still, it must be uncomfortable for as well. Wearing a dressing gown to bed when it's that warm in the house does sound a bit much. I would definitely be getting a health check with a GP. Sometimes though people do just feel the cold a lot more

I'd have a constant headache at those temperatures.

Our living room and kitchen are about that during the day but only because the Aga and central heating together make those two rooms quite warm. The rest of the house is much cooler, and both the Aga and heating go off at night. I would hate it being that sort of temperature 24 hours a day!

I dream of being that warm. Our house never heats up enough for me. I believe the technical term is 'being a bit nesh'.

She’s being v v v unreasonable. Not just because it’s too warm for you but the poor children are suffering! She’d the one liking it like that- it’s selfish! Sounds like she could do with a dr, could she have a heated blanket on her side of the bed? Or sleep in a sleeping bag?

I am a fellow permanently cold person and like my house to be around 22°- that is a comfortable temp for me and I would still be wearing 2 layers.
That said, if it's affecting your child's skin, I recommend turning off their bedroom radiator, your partner getting an electric blanket and you having separate duvets.

I agree with this - People who need 23c overnight or are still cold in a fleece at 25c need to see their doctor as this is not normal

• Electric blanket
• doctor

Does she need to put on weight? The only time I've ever known anyone feeling the cold so much is either elderly or anorexic.

Literally having the same argument with my dp right now.

He's always cold had the heating set at 22:5 I'm absolutely boiling so had to turn it off.
Now he's moaning he's freezing, I've no idea what to do he's always cold I'm always hot.

That sounds hideous, I’d be bunged up nose and headachy at that heat. To be honest most of the people I know who “feel the cold” would benefit from gaining a bit of weight and eating better.

I live in a draughty old house and it’s never higher than 18 or so in day. We turn rads off at night and have the window open.

She can use a heat pack or electric blanket to warm up. Selfish to make everyone else uncomfortable.

It wouldn't be too hot for me. Heating at night, thermals and winter duvet all year round.
I don't generate my own heat for some reason.
I turned my thermostat down to 19 the other night and woke up cold.

I wouldn't have a problem with that in the evening but why all night?

Surely (unless in an uninsulated house in the middle of winter) the heating goes off for sleep?

I genuinely didn't known anyone had the heating on in the night. If ours creeps up to 21 in the day I'm too hot and it never comes on at night. That's not normal and sounds like she's got a condition that needs diagnosing. Your heating bill must be extortionate!

No wonder everyone is uncomfortable! I turn the thermostat to 12 at night- which means no heating on at night unless exceptionally cold. Don't get me wrong- do not skimp in the day- I turn it to 20 as I get up in the morning and it stays on all day unless it reaches 20. Being too hot in bed gives me horrendous nightmares and my DH and DS are the same. We all wear v little in bed as well!

Our heating is constantly at 16, but I turn it up to 18 when the kids are due home from school and we usually have to turn it back down after an hour or so.

Lots of little changes can make a difference. Throws on the sofa/ seats so she can wrap up when sat down. Ensure all drafts are dealt with. Slipper boots rather than just covering the soles of the feet.

Definitely seperate duvets and a heated blanket for her to make the bed warm. DH and I have seperate mattresses as well as duvets. The mattresses are pushed together as a big bed - we both sleep better.

We have little heaters in some rooms of the house so we can heat them up without heating the whole house. We have a ceiling mounted infrared heater in one room - it's a really lovely heat. It heats you gently to your bones. It feels like sitting out on a summers day. My mum is almost never warm and she sat under it for a sort while and was a complete convert.

I feel ill just thinking about that temperature, particularly at night! Sweaty, fluey, headachey, grim. No one needs the heating on at night. If she's forever flinging the thermostat up, you should open all the windows and put fans on.

Definitely too hot. As others say, she should see the doctor, and in meantime, get a single duvet with a higher tog and layer up. It's not on to make you and your children suffer.

My SIL was born premature and feels the cold, and I understand this is because of the way her circulation system developed. There could be benign, but medical, reasons why your DP feels cold.

Btw, do you know how accurate your thermostat is? It will depend where it is in the house. I admit I'm sceptical of the poster who claims their house is at 25 degrees - I suspect their thermostat might be in a cool place? Because that is extremely, unusually hot.

I get why you are felling uncomfortable.
I also get why she wants the thermostat at that temperature. It’s not as if she hasn’t taken all the steps she couod to be warm (dressing gown and socks to go to bed for example)

I have a MAJOR ISSUE with you saying she is selfish?
Why on Earth is she being selfish? Only because she doesn’t bow down your wishes? What about you imposing on her the fact that she will be uncomfortable cold if you put the heating down? Is that not very selfish of you to impose that on her???

I have no idea what the solution is. But if you have approached the issue with the idea that she is just clearly selfish, I’m nit surprise you haven’t been able to reach a compromise tbh.

Some people do get cold

I had the heat on at 22 and the living room fire on at full blast and my friend was still sat in her down puffa coat, massive scarf, gloves and a double layer fleece/ faux fur blanket on her legs

I would say though that the temperature should be lowered at night and she has two duvets or something, it can be very hard when you are too hot to sleep and not good for the children if they aren't sleeping properly

To the posters suggesting to layer up etc...
The dw is already doing that. When you are so cold, adding another layer isn’t helping (speak from experience there).
However, it is totally possible to remove layers when you are too hot. Wear only a T-shirt, a bedsheet with no duvet at night etc....

The bottom line is that if you are starting form the idea that there is a set temperature that is ‘Ok’ and others that are too hot or too cold, then there is never going to be a solution.

FWIW, checking at the GP is a good idea but what you are you going to do if/when she comes back with nothing (which is very highly likely btw)?
Are you going to assume she makes it up and shouod just put up with the cold?

God that’s awful.

Our heating only kicks in overnight if it gets to freezing 😂

Aside from personal opinion which will always vary, it’s really quite unhealthy and drifting into dangerous for your children to sleep in heating that high overnight. Can you show her the evidence for heating to go off and her to have a hot water bottle in the interests of your children’s safety.

She’s being quite selfish to make 3 people bend to her preference in my opinion.

An electric blanket is your friend. A marvellous invention.

@QueenieInFrance sorry I agree, I think it's selfish. I get migraines when the heating is too high, I can't physically get cool but a cold person can always put more clothes on, do some star jumps, find other methods of staying warm like - electric blanket.

I find it really weird that despite the whole OP you have jumped on the fact that at the end it says OP is beginning to find it selfish. At no point does it suggest this is his/her first and only feeling or response.