To ask what your 'secret' thoughts...

[Smotheroffive]

....are? I have been watching Pure. It's got me thinking. For any not aware, its pure O, as in ocd, but without necessarily enacting compulsions (like repeatedly washing hands, opening/closing doors, routinely associated with OCD)
So, people have all sorts of fantasies they wouldn't want to act out IRL.
Also, think things that they wouldn't actually do, or want to see, like in Pure, seeing intrusive images of people naked, or erotically engaged.

Would IBU to ask yours?

My sister and I always lock car doors as passengers, as we both imagine throwing them open whilst the car is in motion.

When someone cycles past me on the canal I imagine pushing them in.

Right now I'm fantasizing about suffocating dp while he lies next to me in bed.

I also have horrible visions of terrible things happening to my dc. Them having accidents or being abducted and things that would happen to them if they were abducted. I almost always end up crying if I can't stop it the thoughts.

Yeah I absolutely hate myself every second of every day. When things get hard I actually think about being dead because it would be like going to sleep. Obviously mostly I'm fine but I think it's a leftover from my PND thoughts.

Have suffered from severe intrusive thoughts and pure O in particularly stressful times. They are so distressing.

Only got them when I was down on my knees tired with my dc as newborns. I had fleeting malevolent thoughts which scared me so much I thought I was developing pnd. I have never verbalised them, I'm too ashamed

If someone's face is close to mine I get the urge to give them a quick peck on the cheek I have no idea why but sometimes the feeling is overwhelming, it can be a waitress or a colleague, the worst is when someone is leaning over me. Does anyone else get this? It's not sexusl or attraction at all just an impulse Feel weird now I've written it out loud.

Yes Raffles right of passgae of new parenting I think. You never stop worrying about them either!

thecats that's me off the canal paths with my bike! I always wonder as I cycle past whether someone would do that. Mind you, I have also wondered about cycling into the canal.

I have had my door fly open driving! On a dual carriageway and the door was locked! pesky bloody kids

How cute origami prize for the cutest 'secret' thought!

YY falling down stairs

Ds who is difficult taking his own life

Also planning my response hearing people have died and planned what outfits to wear to their funerals.

I hate surprises and suspense so try to think and prepare for EVERYTHING bad even though I know nothing can prepare you.

Shagging my FIL. I'm not attracted to him and I don't even like him very much as a person I don't know why I have these thoughts.

Plus darker stuff that I could never admit to.

Oh and I sometimes think how easy it would be to get away with murder. But I never would...

Many years ago I was in the car with 2 colleagues going to a meeting in mid Wales. It was a route I’d done several times before on my own visiting a stakeholder. As we passed a particularly windswept, desolate location, I vocalized a previously private thought: “I always think this would be a good place to get rid of a body. There could already be bodies hidden around here and I bet no one would ever find them.” Needless to say, my colleagues went very quiet and shuffled uncomfortably in their seats. 😂 I was very young then. I’ve learned that DH is the only one who just takes that kind of stuff in his stride. (Disclaimer: I used to read a lot of crime fiction/thrillers in my 20s.)

Whenever I meet a new person, I always end up wondering if I could bring myself to eat them in a survival situation.

I suffer with PTSD. I have some awful, horrible intrusive thoughts. Things I would never ever do. Things I would never admit to.

I'm actually going through a really hard spell of anxiety at the moment and I'm just wondering what do you do to overcome this? It's not so much the anxiety it's the intrusive thoughts I mean they are stupid and irrational but they are bothering me.

anitagreen, among my many diagnoses, complex PTSD, chronic depression, acute anxiety disorder, ASD, ADHD, Dyspraxia I am also Bipolar ( I, know life is a bowl of cherries, right?) which I don't share with many people anymore.I don't have the manias as much anymore. I remember being high as a kite for an entire summer one time. It was like being on a coke bender (although I've never taken coke. HA!) but, that's how I imagine it though.
Anyhoo, I was on Saphris for a long time and it worked brilliantly for intrusive thoughts. I'm not really taking it anymore, just my usually Xanax, Trileptal and Lithium. I seriously have taken every godamn prescribed medication under the sun since I was 15 and Saphris is easily one of the best meds I've ever been on.

However, there is a caveat. And, it's a big one. It is a sublingual. Which means, if you don't know, that rather than taking it orally and swallowing it, you have to either put it under your tongue or inside your cheek to let it dissolve. So to say it fucking sucks is a fucking understatement. It seriously feels like you are chewing on aspirin. Not only that, but you can't eat or drink anything for 10 minutes before or after you take it. LOLO! I seriously have a love/hate relationship with the damn thing, but fortunately, I only had/have to take it at night before bed. It comes in "cherry" flavour, but that just means that your sucking on cherry flavoured aspirin. Wahoo!

Anyhoo, that drug though will seriously wipe out any intrusive thoughts you might have (and I've had some horrible ones that were quite paralyzing) Saphris should seriously win a godamn medal, it's that good. So, that's it. Sorry about the novel. Hope this helps though.

And, please, as this thread shows, Anita, you are not alone. You never have been. It's okay that you've had these thoughts, no matter how terrible. It is not a reflection of who you are as a person. It's just s shit hand that we've both been dealt. But you do what you have to do to get through it. You can (and will) survive this. You are a fucking fighter. A godamn heavyweight. You can do this. And, the fact that you've made it this far, shows that you have phenomenal strength. You have lived this long, beating what feels like insurmountable odds.

Fight. Fight. Fight
.
You can beat this.

You're a fucking champion. So, is everyone on this thread

And, you, and everyone here, has been a godamn champion their whole lives. You just didn't know it. But you are.

Keep fighting.

xx

DeadbutDelicious I hope you have good help to recover.

Did you read thread *anitagreen quite helpful perspective on intrusive thoughts when they get so scarey

HA! I said pretty much the same thing to my Dad once, when we taking a long cross country trip from Michigan when we were passing through Oklahoma.

He just said, you're really a strange kid, you know that

I was like, yeah, Pop, tell me something I don't know

I had pnd with my first and had constant intrusive thoughts about terrible things happening. You name it and I thought of it. And in great detail to the extent it would sometimes make me actually sob out loud in public. I once cried for an hour on a bench in a shopping centre because seeing my husbands shadow on the ground made me think 'this could be the last time I ever see his shadow moving towards me like this because he could drop dead later today or crash his car'
And I used to think about SIDs constantly but in so much detail that I felt like I'd been through it.. I graphically imagined myself at the funeral and how it would feel coming back to the empty house and seeing his toys there...
It was such a nightmare I couldn't stop it and I had this horrified feeling at the back of my mind like something really terrible HAD actually happened and I was living in a dream where it hadn't... that the intrusive thoughts might be the reality really.

Really horrific time.
I had to go on antidepressants for around 6 months and that helped enormously. I still get the odd intrusive thought occasionally but luckily nothing I cant distract myself from now days. And I started a thread before about mal adaptive daydreaming which I suffer from to an extent. But as mentioned on the thread it can sometimes be a helpful coping tool.. not like the intrusive thoughts during my depression.

My heart goes out to anyone who spends their life dealing with intrusive thoughts or OCD.

I have a son with pure O. He was has been in hospital with it. He self harms because of it. He hates it and it really fucks up his life. It's not a fantasy, it's a really fucking scary, damaging thought process.

What a relief it is to read these - I rarely talk about mine, which are quite frequent and horrifically graphic. It is like the pictures are playing somewhere at lower right back of my head, and go really fast but I don't miss a thing. Recurring are DGS's falling from windows/beds/stairs and the aftermath. Car crashes. DC's being arrested/dying/going to jail. Me dying - always fast and never painful - and the aftermath. Life after DH, and how happy I'd be yet I absolutely adore him and can't really imagine being in that place.

The mind is a powerful place. Sometimes I wish I had much less imagination though.

for the thread sufferers.

pancakeblanket, thanks very much for your kind words, it’s reassuring that there is hopefully light at the end of the tunnel.

There is a particular lane near me that links 2 busy footpaths ( the lane clearly once went both ways that are now footpath, the path is wide enough for horse and cart). The lane also links 2 roads that cross the 2 footpaths (if that makes sense) People stroll down the lane at lane stroll speed not bothering to move to the side for cars, they don't check the kids or move their dogs. I worry about driving into them and as they scatter off left and right of the windscreen there is a sound effect bling bling like in a Super mario Karts type computer game