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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DS to find a job on top of attending college?

251 replies

PoppingBubbles · 16/02/2019 07:07

I'm unsure if I am or not. DS hasn't said he won't, however is only taking a cursory glance at job websites each week.

He attends full time college, and does well there. I think he ought to have some kind of work too. He tells me that none of his college friends work (which has been confirmed by a couple when they come here)

I just think he ought to, even a Saturday job would be fine, though weekend or evening would work well too. It's not for any money into the household, I just think it would benefit him in many ways.

At the moment, I'm not pushing the matter, as unsure if IABU Confused

Am I expecting too much? Do your DC work as well as attend full time education?

OP posts:
AlecTrevelyan006 · 16/02/2019 17:27

There are fewer jobs for 16-18 year olds these days. Back in the day when I worked at Tesco on Saturday it was pretty much all students, but then shop used to close at 5.30pm and wasn't open on Sunday. Retail - where so many opportunities for youngsters used to exist - has changed completely in the past 20 years or so. Shift work, zero hours contracts, competition with other workers - it's a very different environment. Many pubs have disappeared. You can't even get a decent paper round.

There are certainly some advantages in working P/T while at sixth form / college but I don't think it should be 'expected'.

wonderingsoul · 16/02/2019 17:27

I worked 2 jobs whilst studying.. it's hard.

Even with one job and then studying in would find it hard to juggle.

So as a 18 year old I wouldn't push it, I might suggest something for pocket money but I wouldn't make a thing out if it if he didn't want to.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 16/02/2019 17:28

A new Spar opened up a couple of years ago at the end of my road - my daughter thought she might apply for a job there, but you had to be over 18 and be fully flexible with hours. Not much use for a 16 year old with set college hours.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/02/2019 17:29

Plenty of benefits. Learning to communicate with other adults that aren't their parents for starters. As I explained upthread, one of my DCs just blossomed from working an evening a week.

They could get that working during university summer holidays and in other ways. I think that working one evening a week would be fine but that kind of job is very hard to find. They usually want people to work at least two or at the weekend i.e. more hours than you can do in just one evening,

You can't always find a 'holiday' job just like that! One of my DCs did some prep work in the kitchens for a local pub for the Sunday lunches, 9-12 on a Sunday morning. She would have been on her laptop if not doing that. She couldn't say she wouldn't do it during term time!

You can just find a "holiday job" when at university though! They have three months to work and many students work full time during this period, Many jobs are seasonal.

EstrellaDamn · 16/02/2019 17:35

Just because jobs are hard to find doesn't make them, on principle, the wrong thing to do though.

My parents couldn't afford to keep us without us pitching in; they'd both worked two - even three - jobs over the years. 16 year olds have the time and energy for work.

Comefromaway · 16/02/2019 17:38

It’s a lot easier once they are 18 as they can get Bar work and there are less restrictions on hours.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/02/2019 17:40

My parents couldn't afford to keep us without us pitching in; they'd both worked two - even three - jobs over the years. 16 year olds have the time and energy for work.

I think we are talking about situations where parents don't need their 16 years olds to "pitch in" though. Some people seem to think they should work anyway. I don't except during holidays.

Zebedee88 · 16/02/2019 17:41

I had to work when I was in college. I was in college Monday to Friday, had to catch the 7.30am train and didn't get home till 5pm....and still worked.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 16/02/2019 17:42

I didn't have a choice really, moved out at 17 for uni and had to pay the bills! I don't think it stood in the way of my studies and when I finished uni I had the skills required to get a decent job. This job of course has nothing to do with my degree but that's a deprecate issue.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 16/02/2019 17:43

Separate issue

Roussette · 16/02/2019 17:45

It's just choice then Dungeon. Mine worked during term time and holidays. And in fact one of my DCs begged to do 3 nights a week at the pub and I wouldn't let her as I thought it was too much. Her work didn't suffer with what she did. Maybe I was just lucky with my lot.

kitkatsky · 16/02/2019 17:47

I don't think YABU by your own experiences. I think most parents here prob had a Saturday job in 6th form, but there aren't many jobs like this nowadays and there are complexities like kids of separated parents needing to spend time with other parent. That one was prob always an issue, but it feels more commonplace now and there is more PR/ court orders in my experience. Ideally I think they should work at least half a day at weekends from 16, but it's not as easy as it was for our generation imo

Roussette · 16/02/2019 17:50

I don't want to put the ages of my DCs but mine managed it? We're talking say 8-10 years ago. Has it changed that much?

Youngandfree · 16/02/2019 17:50

@EstrellaDamn yes I know I was just saying they are options for some, throughout uni I spent my weekends working in a restaurant, fri evening to Sunday lunch and then I got the bus back to the city where i went to university. I also worked in the same restaurant throughout the summer alongside the internship which was 9-5.

CSIblonde · 16/02/2019 17:52

I think it should be up to your son . I always had my babysitting 'cartel': by referral, 5 families. Double £ after midnight. I did odd days as well come Summer hidays. But my peers all preferred retail: crap pay, 8hr days on your feet, exploitative bosses. I know who was happier with their choice. Every teen seemed to do p/t back then, no parental pressure, just a choice for extra pin money

goldengummybear · 16/02/2019 18:38

At my son's (state) school it's unusual not have a job in Sixth Form. The ones who don't are doing loads of sport training or similar. He loves earning his own money.

deadliftgirl · 16/02/2019 18:41

I had a job while at college that was 2 days a week and I thought it really impacted on my studies. I felt most employers these days want you to be fully flexible for 8 hours etc over 7 days a week and at times I was expected to work 3 hour shifts (plus an hour to get to work and back) and it just was not worth it.

Alot of students work part time though while at college and uni.

EstrellaDamn · 16/02/2019 18:46

I did similar sorts of things @Youngandfree

I remember my first Economics lecture. The lecturer stood up and said that they discourage young people who also work to join their course as its very intense.

I was 22 and living in a flat. Of course I worked! Not every student comes from the kind of family that can let them have their studying years be without other obligations.

And I'm glad I did all those jobs. They were hard and fun, I made good friends, I had my independence, I learned about doing hard tasks with difficult customers and colleagues. The benefits are endless.

Plus I got my degree so it's not as if working and learning were mutually exclusive, in the end. It's such a blinkered view of the world.

goodwinter · 16/02/2019 19:01

All of my friends worked while at sixth form, usually for both weekend days. This was around 2009.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/02/2019 19:04

My 18 year old has worked since she was 15, she needs the money and can fit it in with studying. Got good GCSEs and is on track to do well with A levels so it hasn’t hindered her.

She has friends who have never worked, patents hand out their debit cards for meals out/drinks/gigs Shock

Yabbers · 16/02/2019 19:05

I worked every weekend from the age of 14. Didn't affect my ability to get decent grades.

Of course he should get a job. Puts him ahead of non working peers when it comes to getting a job.

blueskiesovertheforest · 16/02/2019 23:41

@ PoppingBubbles what course is he doing?

Most 3 days per week courses assume relevant work experience on the other 2 days.

A levels or other academic courses assume significant levels of study at home.

Which is it? The two are utterly different.

blueskiesovertheforest · 16/02/2019 23:42

The last post was to @PoppingBubbles

Dungeondragon15 · 17/02/2019 10:36

The fact that someone had a job and they don't think it effected their grades is not really relevant, particularly as they will never really know whether it had an effect. Also if you really did do a job on top of working hard at college and getting the best grades you could have, you must have worked seven days a week? Why would you expect your teenager to do that when you probably don't do it yourself? Why would you actively want their life to be a drudge?
The stuff about "life skills" etc is nonsense considering that they will have plenty of time to gain work experience during university holidays when they are not study at the same time.

Roxyxoxo · 17/02/2019 10:38

It will help to get a job at uni or after college by even working a few hours a week, it’s also a good way to learn about time management.