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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DS to find a job on top of attending college?

251 replies

PoppingBubbles · 16/02/2019 07:07

I'm unsure if I am or not. DS hasn't said he won't, however is only taking a cursory glance at job websites each week.

He attends full time college, and does well there. I think he ought to have some kind of work too. He tells me that none of his college friends work (which has been confirmed by a couple when they come here)

I just think he ought to, even a Saturday job would be fine, though weekend or evening would work well too. It's not for any money into the household, I just think it would benefit him in many ways.

At the moment, I'm not pushing the matter, as unsure if IABU Confused

Am I expecting too much? Do your DC work as well as attend full time education?

OP posts:
Frazzledstar1 · 17/02/2019 20:08

I don’t think this is unreasonable at all, me and most of my friends had weekend jobs when in college/sixth form. If I wanted any form of social life I needed to work. My mum wasn’t about to fund cinema trips, meals out, nights out partying, the latest, shoe/bag/whatever, so that was down to me. And I enjoyed it to be honest.

genius1308 · 17/02/2019 20:09

I started a pt job at 14 while still at school. All day Saturday and 2 evenings after school (also ft during the school holidays). I continued to do the same all the way through college. It didnt impact on my grades and i loved having my own money, my family didn't have much expendable income (we never went without necessities but there wasn't extra for fashionable clothes/make up/nights out). I still look back with fondness at that first job, made some great friends and some fabulous memories. Also did babysitting once a week (if that counts?)

birdsandroses · 17/02/2019 20:30

Back in the dark ages when I was doing my A levels, late 80’s, I worked on a Saturday as did many of my friends. I gave it up in the March of my upper sixth to concentrate on my exams.

Mymysmum · 17/02/2019 21:40

I do think parents now are getting slightly wet. I had a Saturday job from the age of 16. From 17 onwards, I worked two weekend shifts at a restaurant. It did me no harm and my grades did not suffer. If anything, it made me focus during the time I had instead of procrastinating like some of my friends did. I think a job is fine and actually will be better for him. It will give him transferable skills for his future career. You know your son best. Good luck!

jenkel · 17/02/2019 23:18

My dd is at college 3 days a week and 1 day unpaid placement. She has assignments that need to be completed every 2 weeks and seems to be quite a lot of work, her college day varies from 9-3 or 9-4.30. 3 evenings a week are taken up with dance lessons. She does occasional babysitting and has just started a job that will purely be holiday times, assisting in running holiday club activities. I personally think this is more than enough, she will be 17 in the summer hols.

BackforGood · 17/02/2019 23:34

Of course YANBU.
DiI read right that he is actually only in college 3 days a week, and does no (or little) homework ? Only your OP says FT ?

Either way, my dc have all worked in the 6th form. My youngest is in Yr12 now and does at least one shift a week as a lifeguard. she also babysits and has an occasional 'ad hoc' job helping someone else when they need her. She also does some full day 'babysits' in school holidays.
I personally believe the benefits to them FAR outweigh any possible lowering of grades. I see no correlation (amongst their friends) between grades and if they have jobs or not. Some dc are naturally brighter, some dc are more academically inclined, some are more motivated to study, some are better at exams. It would be very unusual for there not to be a 4 - 8 hours spell somewhere in the week where a young person couldn't do some paid work without it affecting their grades if they were motivated to.

However, I don't think there is any 'should' about it. I think it does them good, but the motivation needs to come from within them. At this age, usually that is financial.

PrismGuile · 18/02/2019 00:07

I had a part time job from 14yo (2009) until I finished my MA (2 when I was 16/17) and it never harmed my grades.

keffie12 · 18/02/2019 07:59

He can get a job part time! They don't do full-time college and you have confirmed that. Ì worked around school though granted there wasn't the laws in place that there are now as I did alot of hours.

All of mine did a paper round when they were young. My eldest worked through college and uni part time as well as our daughter too

There is no excuse. Ì presume your keeping him. Cut back on what he gets and just give him the basics. For example I presume you have to give him money for going out etc. Stop it or at least cut right back on it. He needs to learn.

Another idea I have heard is give him his child benefit. Then he can budget his going out and luxuries etc with no more hand outs from you and you just buy the basics such as food. He will soon learn then

spicygirl26 · 18/02/2019 08:01

Going back 15 years now but when I was a full time sixth form and then university student (doing teacher training so pretty intense especially when on placement), I had a weekend job at a shop and most of my friends worked in shops and bars on the weekend.

FloofyDoof · 18/02/2019 09:41

Both of my DC had part time jobs at college. They had 3 days per week at college (on a full time course, they are 18 and 20 now), and worked about 12-18 hours per week on top plus extra in the holidays if they wanted it, one in a clothes shop, and the other in a coffee shop.

It didn't interfere with coursework, and both got decent qualifications but it topped up their spending money, as I wasn't able to give them anywhere near the kind of spending money that a lot of their friends had. Without earning some money for themselves they would have missed out on lots of social things that I wouldn't have been ableto cover for them. I think it was good for them. Both got their jobs by walking around town with a little stack of CVs and asking in all the shops and restaurants if they had any part time vacancies.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 18/02/2019 10:19

I think it depends on the child. I would expect them to be doing at least 9-5 hours whether in college or at home doing assignments or on placements. If they're doing this then ho don't force them to do more unless they want the extra cash for luxuries. I wouldn't expect anyone else to take on another job if they were working full time.

If they do 3 short days in college and take no work home and don't do anything else (e.g. learning something, doing volunteering, teaching themself something etc) then it's a good idea to do extra. I don't think it's a good idea for them to get used to sitting around playing computer games for 4 days a week.

MrsPeel · 18/02/2019 13:42

I think being in education is enough work in itself - there is a reason why some Oxbridge colleges make it a rule that their undergraduates are not allowed to take a part time job while studying.

DoveOfPiss · 18/02/2019 20:18

My DD is in year 12 and has just got a job. She works 8 hours a week (2 X 4 hours Saturday and Sunday) but couldn't start before that as she didn't have her national insurance number. She is at 6th form 5 days a week doing 4 A levels, also plays rugby twice a week plus matches, goes to the gym and does dance classes once a week.
She was kind of forced into a corner as her dad refused to buy her food in his weekly shop (she's vegan) and unless she spent her pocket money from me on food then she would have been hungry at his house.

I worked from when I was 13 (paper round) and continued through working in the same shop until I was 17 when I got a full-time job. I'm at uni now (mature student) and can't work as I'm a single parent and my course is very full-time plus placements. Most of my cohort can't get jobs due to the restricted availability and variable hours of placements and those who have are really struggling.

I would say your DS could get a job now if he's not being worked very hard, as it will stand him in good stead for the future, then he could always change hours or give it up if it proves too much when he's in higher education.

Comefromaway · 18/02/2019 22:18

Kind of a derail but it’s a myth that you can’t start work if you don’t have a NI number. Under 16’s can work without one (subject to child employment legislation) & under RTI payroll software generates a temporary number if you tick the no NI number box.

Tonsilss · 18/02/2019 23:54

Oxbridge students have very short terms (8 weeks) and get a LOT of work. Not the same for other universities, though some give more work than others.

trixiebelden77 · 19/02/2019 00:41

Most people I went to medical school with had part time jobs. Amongst my friends, all of us who got honours had worked. Many had also had high school jobs.

IME it is actually the norm amongst high-achieving students.

Itssosunnyout · 19/02/2019 06:27

It would be much more valuable for his growth to 4 hours or so of volunteering per week.

Having a job will be too much.

I did it and i lost interest in college and didn't put the effort in as I wanted to do more hours to go out with my friends

ooooohbetty · 19/02/2019 06:46

YANBU. Do you give him enough money to fund a social life and buy the things he wants? If you do cut it right down. He needs to learn that if you want a social life and to buy things you need to work for it. He should absolutely have a job. My children worked when in 6th form and all the way through University but the difference was they couldn't wait to do it so they had money to spend.

larrygrylls · 19/02/2019 06:52

I think working in term time is a bad idea, unless the money is really necessary.

To do well post GCSE, especially if you are targeting top unis, you do need to put the hours in outside the classroom. And teenagers do deserve ‘a life’ too.

The holidays, on the other hand, especially the long summer hol, should at least partially be spent working. However, that does depend on the availability of that type of job. Personally I feel the value of an ordinary job (pub/newsagent etc) far outweighs work experience or unpaid internships at flashy companies, which only build unreasonable expectations of what real work is like.

DrWhy · 19/02/2019 07:53

I had a Saturday job in a shop from 15 until I went to uni and summer work in a variety of places, mainly a local factory. I wasn’t allowed to work term time at uni but continued holiday work, initially at the same factory near my parents and then cataloging work for one of the lecturers.
It was a huge benefit to me, the jobs gave me almost all the experiences to use in interviews for ‘give me an example of when you have successfully resolved a conflict’ type questions. The factory was also the first place where I met people who weren’t academically successful themselves but were pleased and proud of me for doing well. I was working there when I went to get my GCSE results and I was scared to admit them because I thought I’d be bullied as I had been at school, instead people were delighted for me - it made a huge impression and gave me a real confidence boost that the real world would be so much better than school.
All that said, I didn’t do a lot of extra curricular stuff once I gave up swimming in my GCSE years - if I had been doing a team sport, DofE, music etc. Then that would probably have provided the material for interview questions and filled my time. The money was a nice bonus too as my parents didn’t have enough to just fund whatever I wanted to do.

bullyingadvice2017 · 19/02/2019 07:56

Absolutely I would be expecting a college student to have a evening and or weekend job. Not to take board off them but to give them their own money and the responsibility

MancaroniCheese · 19/02/2019 08:14

Everyone I knew at school had some kind of part time job. The DSDs had part time jobs in sixth form and have found other part time jobs at Uni. DD can't wait to be 16 so she can get a part time job.

Seems fairly normal to me.

Alsonification · 19/02/2019 08:23

My dd is in university doing approx 30 hours a week. She comes home every weekend & works in a local hotel as a waitress. She doesn’t always get work on saturdays & Sunday’s as it depends on how busy they are but she’ll always have at least one day and usually 2.
Ds is 16 & is in transition year in school. As part of it he had to do work experience in different places. He’s just finished a week in a local supermarket & theyve told him if he ever wants a part time job he can come back to them. He’s probably going to contact them for the summer.

TriciaH87 · 19/02/2019 08:41

I can't say from mum perspective as my boys are 8 and 12 however i can on a personal level. At 13 i had a paper round, 15 i worked Saturdays as well in a cafe in a seaside town. Left school moved 130 miles with mum and went to college it took me a few months to settle in with the big move but once i had i got a job working 7.5 hours over weekend still got good grades on a full time course that involved 6 weeks fulltime hours in a work placement out of every 12 and have never not had a job since. So personally its absolutely doable and if you work hard your grades are not affected.

Original poster
PoppingBubbles · 20/02/2019 13:25

Ah, have just managed to get back on here to check replies.
Can see I am most certainly not being unreasonable Grin

I will send him off to get himself a weekend job now. Any tips on where he is best to look?

OP posts: