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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DS to find a job on top of attending college?

251 replies

PoppingBubbles · 16/02/2019 07:07

I'm unsure if I am or not. DS hasn't said he won't, however is only taking a cursory glance at job websites each week.

He attends full time college, and does well there. I think he ought to have some kind of work too. He tells me that none of his college friends work (which has been confirmed by a couple when they come here)

I just think he ought to, even a Saturday job would be fine, though weekend or evening would work well too. It's not for any money into the household, I just think it would benefit him in many ways.

At the moment, I'm not pushing the matter, as unsure if IABU Confused

Am I expecting too much? Do your DC work as well as attend full time education?

OP posts:
elessar · 16/02/2019 07:46

To add to the above, I didn't have any part time job whilst I was at university (although I could have done), but I worked full time for 2-3 months during each summer break instead.

immortalmarble · 16/02/2019 07:48

My DD did but to be honest retrospectively it affected her grades. She did reasonably well and she didn’t need top grades for the course she wanted to do, but if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t encourage it.

Meadowland · 16/02/2019 07:52

My DCs had part time jobs as soon as they were old enough. In that way they gained a good work ethic which is so important for confidence, self esteem, social skills and, as elessar says, future employment prospects. They are now happy, well rounded people who enjoy work.

Spidey66 · 16/02/2019 07:53

I don't have kids but as a teen always worked pt. Paper round, babysitting, waitressing, sales assistant in Woolies. Tbh I think it's part of education-time management, money management, learning how to work with different people, taking orders etc. If I did have kids I would certainly encourage it.

Uptheapplesandpears · 16/02/2019 07:54

If they're in college 5 days a week and also have work sent home then no it's not optimum. Sure, loads of us did it, but people invariably confuse doable with desirable on this subject. If he has 4 days where he's not doing anything and no work home, then I'd agree it would be beneficial to be doing something else with those days too.

However, that's not to say paid work would necessarily be the best choice either. If you as a household are able to keep supporting him, I'd consider whether voluntary work might be better for his long term prospects. What's the course and what are his plans?

user1493413286 · 16/02/2019 07:56

Surely a god motivator is the money? I got to the point where my parents would obviously still pay for all my living costs while I was at college but if I wanted extra clothes or money to go out for lunch with my friends, go to the cinema etc they said I needed to earn my own money.
Most college courses or sixth form timetables aren’t full time and allow time in the week to get course work and essays done and study time for exams.
It develops those skills that you don’t get from education and was a motivator for me to do well at college so I could get a job that earned more

ineedtostopgooglingsymptoms · 16/02/2019 07:57

I’ve worked consistently since I was 15 (28 now). I worked in a pub at 15 as a waitress & pot washer then McDonald’s when I was doing my A Levels. I then worked at Subway throughout uni Blush

It benefited me so much as I made new friends, met my now husband and I’ve never had issue finding work whilst my friends who graduated from uni without ever having so much of a Saturday job really struggled.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 16/02/2019 07:57

Of course should, DD worked four hours Saturday and Sunday at river island whilst at college and before she got that job six hours Saturday in a fish and chip restaurant. DS worked six hours at a local jewellers before getting a job at Tesco and working 8 there, four one evening and four on a Saturday afternoon.

He needs to stop looking aimlessly at websites for Saturday jobs and start asking in local shops or food establishments. Non chain cafes and chippies are the best place to ask as they have shorter hours and pay less, but it’s a good first job to get on with a well known company which may see him through college and possibly university too if that’s his ultimate aim.

Yogagirl123 · 16/02/2019 07:59

Having the same issue with my DS, he is full time at college, he leaves in the summer.

Still no job! But he’s just not doing anything about getting one, despite DH & I mentioning it and making suggestions. There is always a reason why he doesn’t want to work there!

To be fair with him it’s a confidence issue, rather than laziness. He is very polite, great timekeeper, but he is also shy, which doesn’t help.

Feeling your pain OP, it’s a very frustrating and expensive situation!

Stopyourhavering64 · 16/02/2019 08:01

My dd has had a part time job since 16, throughout college ( had 1 day off as well as weekend) and during holidays whilst at University. She loves the independence it gives her , can buy her own clothes, has developed a good work ethic and has saved money to go to festivals and go travelling .
She graduates this year and is on track for at least a 2:1

Whisky2014 · 16/02/2019 08:01

I was going to say yabu since its a full time course but you say its over 3 days. What are the hours if this? He still has 4 days free so yeh having a job 2 days a week seems ok.

MadameJosephine · 16/02/2019 08:04

It depends what he’s using his spare time for and upon your financial situation. I had a part time job from 16, through 6th form and uni but i had no choice as my parents were on benefits and I needed to be earning but i definitely think it adversely affected my grades. I had an agreement with my DS that if he was working hard to keep his grades up then I would support him financially. He got 4 A*s at A level and is at one of the best Universities in the country and headed for a first.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 16/02/2019 08:04

I am one who didn't force my dcs to work whilst studying. One chose to, one chose not to. The one who chose not to, did work whilst home from uni during holidays. The uni course was not actually one that worked well with paid work - I don't think any of DC's uni mates were able to work as they had a lot of contact hours as well as lab times for their course.
Having said all that, both DCs knew that although we were happy to pay their normal expenses -food, toiletries etc, we were not in a position to pay for cars, expensive clothes etc so if they wanted 'extras', they would have to work.
FWIW, both DCs have a good work ethic and are both doing very well in their chosen careers.

RoseMartha · 16/02/2019 08:07

I would encourage him to get a small job if possible yes.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/02/2019 08:09

I don’t think there’s any right or wrong to this. Putting his side forward.- College is tiring. He’s got decades and decades ahead of him he’ll have to work, there is no rush if money isn’t tight right now.

It’s not important in the greater scheme of things if he doesn’t work as a teenager. I didn’t, but have a good work ethic, my own teens didn’t and doing well in their early 20’s.

Just because he doesn’t work whilst at college doesn’t make him lazy or not ambitious in general.

Personally I’d lay off him.

JaceLancs · 16/02/2019 08:09

Both my DC had part time jobs from 16 until they left university
Was really helpful for CV and references
They both have a really good work ethic and it was very good for confidence and improving people skills
Both learnt to drive and bought cars at 17, also used money for holidays, festivals, going out, gadgets etc

LittleCandle · 16/02/2019 08:09

DD2 went to university, studying a difficult joint degree and worked a minimum of 20 hours per week. Of course your DS should be looking for work.

PregnantSea · 16/02/2019 08:10

I worked 18 hours a week around 4 A levels, as well as learning to drive and playing in a band. I left with an A in every subject and a good bit of savings for university. However I will say that it was bloody hard work juggling everything, and in hindsight I think I suffered from lack of sleep and stress. I also didn't have a great social life, but there was other stuff going on as well so it's hard to say if that was really down to my busy schedule.

I think it depends on the teen though - some really are throwing everything they've got into their studies and really can't spare the time, whereas I think others would benefit from the experience.

One question OP - if your son doesn't have a job then what does he do for money? Presumably he has mobile phone to pay for and wants to go out and do things with his friends sometimes? Save up for a car? Buy a special someone a valentines present? I can't imagine a child at A level age having zero money in their pocket.

Tonsilss · 16/02/2019 08:14

I agree that doing a couple of evening shifts, or half a day at the weekend, would be a good idea. At that age he should be earning his pocket money.

waffilyversati1e · 16/02/2019 08:14

my teenager made 0 effort and thusly left school with 0 decent GCSEs. He went to college and then got kicked out for absence and a shitty attitude. He insisted on having a job while at college and he got sacked from that for not turning up. He is now coasting from friends house to friends house not doing much of anything (everyone else's fault of course)

Honestly, if he went to college and applied himself I would be so over the moon that I would probably pay him myself to save him the distraction of a part time job as well. Sad

Comefromaway · 16/02/2019 08:19

Dd is studying a mix of Alevels and a performing arts diploma. The hours are long. Some days there are dance classes stRting at 8am and the day ends at 6pm.

She does have a job but just a few hours on a Saturday morning helping out at kids drama classes. She couldn’t cope with much more.

Everything else we’ve seen advertised wants 18 year olds or more flexibility on hours.

TearingUpMyHeart · 16/02/2019 08:19

Do you yourself set that kind of example by working two jobs? I am a bit lazy and prefer life to work, I don't see any intrinsic value in a work ethic, so I just have the one full time job. In all honesty, I could work evenings and weekends - instead I mostly mooch around, watch tv, sometimes meet up with friends.
I give my kids their child benefit as pocket money. My job to feed them etc. So if they want to work as well they can. If they don't, up to them.

Comefromaway · 16/02/2019 08:22

Hmm - tearing, that’s maybe why dd has a good work ethic. When she was younger she saw me working 3 days a week in an office job then evenings and saturdays running kids classes.

Dh is full time teacher but also does private lessons at the weekend.

user1487194234 · 16/02/2019 08:22

I think they have all their lives to work,,I have happy to support my lot while they focus on their studies

AuntieCJ · 16/02/2019 08:23

YANBU. I had Saturday jobs from the age of 15 and still passed A levels and went to university.

He'll need to get a job if he goes to university so he may as well start earning now. Lazy sod.