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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DS to find a job on top of attending college?

251 replies

PoppingBubbles · 16/02/2019 07:07

I'm unsure if I am or not. DS hasn't said he won't, however is only taking a cursory glance at job websites each week.

He attends full time college, and does well there. I think he ought to have some kind of work too. He tells me that none of his college friends work (which has been confirmed by a couple when they come here)

I just think he ought to, even a Saturday job would be fine, though weekend or evening would work well too. It's not for any money into the household, I just think it would benefit him in many ways.

At the moment, I'm not pushing the matter, as unsure if IABU Confused

Am I expecting too much? Do your DC work as well as attend full time education?

OP posts:
CaptainBrickbeard · 16/02/2019 09:30

Lazypuppy I know work is a necessity and we need money. But I learned early on that getting that money would be miserable. Now as a secondary school teacher, I would strongly advise against any of our Y11 students working evenings or trying to fit in 12 hours of work a week. GCSEs are extremely rigorous now and it would definitely be damaging to them.

I remember feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and bleak at the thought of getting up at 7am on weekends and the first day of the holidays to be bored out of my mind at work.

I realise that money has to be earned but balance is very important. For all the people who got a work ethic from their part time jobs, there are people like me who just learned that work is drudgery!

Parky04 · 16/02/2019 09:30

My DS17 is currently doing A Levels and works for 6 hours on a Sunday in a garden centre. He will also do extra shifts during school holidays. He likes the extra money. But I wouldn't expect him to work and he wouldn't get any extra money from me.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 16/02/2019 09:32

I worked when I was in sixth form. It didn't do me any particular harm (although was definitely a hassle when it came to exams) but didn't do me any good either. I wouldn't make my DC work if we didn't need the money. I wouldn't work on top of studying full time unless it was necessary financially. Once at uni he'll need to work during the long holiday anyway.

ChakiraChakra · 16/02/2019 09:33

Having a part time job while at college helps in so many ways. Having disposable income, understanding the world of work first hand, developing soft skills like communication, self regulation, customer service, discipline, and it makes him much more attractive to future employers, either part time (eg at uni) or for his first "proper" job at the end of his education. I'd consider having a small part time job so important that it IS part of his education. One or two evenings waiting on and or one day at the weekend is fine.

Roussette · 16/02/2019 09:35

Plenty of time to build up those examples for interviews. Or you could just lie, like everyone else does. It's pretty easy to invent a couple of part time jobs from when you were 16 along with some relevant examples of skills. Teaches lifeskills in itself, in fact

Lying is a lifeskill? I am hoping what you said was tongue in cheek... My DCs wouldn't have dreamed of making up part time jobs they never had and interviewers can see through that straight off

Roussette · 16/02/2019 09:41

One of my DCs was a a bit awkward, mumbled, found it hard to look people in the eye through shyness. The best thing she ever did was being a runaround in a pub. People talked to her. She had to answer she had to look at them, she couldn't mumble something whilst looking at her feet.
It honestly gave her a huge amount of confidence in dealing with people which set her in good stead for the future, for a career etc.

Tonsilss · 16/02/2019 10:22

Teach your children to lie to employers? Next step: gross misconduct dismissal and no reference. Or incompetence dismissal because they won't have the skills they said they had.

OftenHangry · 16/02/2019 10:26

I know what you mean, by the job being beneficial not just from financial side.

Since he is doing just 3 days at college, he could easily get a part time job for 2 days and still have 2 days free.
YANBU

TearingUpMyHeart · 16/02/2019 10:28

Ah yes, the amazing skills only a saturday job age 16 teaches

Of course it was tongue in cheek, but seriously, like anyone cares what you did for your saturday job a few years down the line! If they like extra money or can't amuse themselves, why not work? If not bothered or are happy studying then chilling, why a job as well? (Volunteering would be more interesting in terms of experience imo)

At my saturday jobs I just suffered sexual harassment. I forgot that! Maybe that's another reason why I am less enamoured of the shitty pay saturday job

Babyroobs · 16/02/2019 10:33

Both my elder ds's have done part time jobs whilst at college or sixth form. Both cleaned at their old school for 2 hours a day on weekdays. My ds2 still does this. there is one day a week where I do need to drive to college to pick him up so that he can get to his job on time. He can earn in the region of £200 a month which is useful to him.

BarbedBloom · 16/02/2019 10:33

We are a long time working so I wouldn’t force my child to get a job on top of full time education if they didn’t want to. I would want them to focus on their studies. But I also wouldn’t be funding loads of outings or stuff on top of usual basics. Also I would want them to have a couple of days a week free to do as they choose as I think a worklife balance is really important.

A friend of mine had a son in full time education M-F and also expected him to work both weekend days and evenings, not because she needed the money, but because she thought it was good for him. She only worked three days a week herself, so I did think that was a bit cheeky

Roussette · 16/02/2019 10:37

I just encouraged mine, not made them. And apart from one job one child had, they really enjoyed it.

MakeTheM0stofEveryDay · 16/02/2019 10:37

I started my first part time job at 16 after exams. I worked one evening, all day Saturday and in the holidays, when I was a student. It's not just about the money, it's about meeting other people, socialising, work ethic, saving, responsibility, respect, independance etc

VioletCharlotte · 16/02/2019 10:42

I'm not sure where I stand on this. It depends on the child I think. My DS2 didn't do very well at school and is at sixth form doing maths and English gcse retakes and a btec. Consequently he has a very full timetable. He has tried a few jobs but found it too much. He's a difficult child though, and my priority is keeping him in college, so I've not pushed him to get a job. I pay him to do all the cleaning at home so he has a bit of money.

DS1 worked when he was at sixth form, but I found that 16 and 17 year olds often get treated very badly by employers.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if they want to get a job then great. But don't push it if they don't.

HoraceCope · 16/02/2019 10:44

Absolutely he should have a job,but if he doesnt want to, are you subsidising him more than you ought?

amrscot · 16/02/2019 10:44

I did college then worked a night shift afterwards a few times a week. Also worked weekends.

Got no financial help from parents so I had no choice but to work

MitziK · 16/02/2019 10:49

Most places strongly recommend against having a job now - BUT - the people who do tend to be able to get something that they can carry on through University, for example, shop or bar work - which is almost always useful in filling the gaps, larger bills, more shopping/going out or in the lull before getting a permanent job after graduation.

It won't hurt him to try a bit harder, but don't hold it against him if he doesn't find something, as there are loads of people now competing for hours.

TearingUpMyHeart · 16/02/2019 11:07

Yes ...It's the parents who themselves only work 37 hours, or indeed much less, who expect their kids to do more who are the cheeky ones imo! There's always a few like that. Like the ones who see their kids as cash cows and want half the wage for 'housekeeping' but are essentially propping up their own lifestyle on the back of their kids wage

MedSchoolRat · 16/02/2019 11:08

Just to echo the chorus.. part of my job involves interviewing teenagers. if I asked them what they gained from PT work or work-experience: they usually mention that they became confident talking to strangers. People my age take that skill for granted, but it's a big deal for youth, especially modern youth.

When I was young, to find out anything about anything (opening hours, stock, ticket availability, prices, selling baby hamsters, application deadlines etc.) you had to ring up strangers. Even getting a phone number meant talking to a stranger (directory enquiries). Modern youth rarely do this so they much more rarely talk to strangers or know how to be flexible in such conversations, how to negotiate a good (often customer service or client) outcome. PT jobs are a huge help to gain those skills. The kids say so themselves!

Even if they don't need to gain those skills, the job can lead to a positive reference for getting the (better) next placement or job. Very important for kids who hated school or jobs that aren't just about being brainy.

Ariela · 16/02/2019 11:09

My daughter used to earn enough in mucking out/riding for people to keep her self going with car, phone, clothes, nights out with friends when in 6th form. It was only an extension of what she was doing with her horse, so minimal extra effort/time.

A long time ago, my younger brother & sister were quite entrepreneurial. She used to sew all sorts of crafty gifts - really good stuff as would be sold on Etsy today, and they both used to collect golf balls from the golf course, clean and polish them up and sell them secondhand by the box (they collected empty boxes for free from the golf course!). They also started a car wash business, which they extended once driving to valeting private jets which was extremely lucrative - one of their car customers was a pilot. They earned more in tip for 1 weekend day's work than their friends earned in a month working in Woolies!

safariboot · 16/02/2019 11:13

The course being 3 days a week should make it easier to sort some work out. That said DS needs to watch out for managers demanding he misses class to do shifts at short notice.

(When I was at 6th form college I worked in the college's own library, so no issues there.)

Nearly all jobhunting and applying is online nowadays. Though some shops will advertise in store so it's worth a look.

Youmadorwhat · 16/02/2019 11:32

In Ireland it is very much the expectation that students have a weekend job, most travel home every weekend to work and see family. Everyone I know and knew in college did. All except one girl who did medicine and one who did law. But another girl I know who did law worked. I have a cousin who is doing nursing at the moment and works in a care home at the weekends. 8-2 shift on a Saturday and Sunday.

NChangeForNoReason · 16/02/2019 11:35

UANBU

My 16yo (lower 6th) is getting seasonal work which will be weekends from March until July then every day over summer holidays.

She wants festival tickets, clothes and a car - there's no chance I'm funding it all so she can earn it like the rest of us!!

pootleposeyperkin · 16/02/2019 11:37

My ds is year 13 doing A levels and does a couple of shifts a week in a restaurant as did I at that age. Virtually all his mates have PT jobs. He has his own money and spends it as he wishes.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/02/2019 11:37

I think it depends a lot on the subjects he is doing and his extracurricular activities. As someone who works in higher education though, it can be frustrating that some parents seem to expect their children to be able to work at the same time as doing their degree though. You just can't do it for some courses without it having a negative effect on grades. The argument that it will help get a job in the future doesn't make sense considering they can get a job during the summer anyway.