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Original poster

To be angry that I was called a home wrecker, and that this is weird?

177 replies

TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 19:05

So a lot of people on here will know my story about my husband leaving me and keeping me hung on for months while he went straight into a new relationship with a woman a few weeks after Leaving me and she's pregnant and then he asked for me back. Anyway there a little back story

So he's not with her now, he asked for me back. Which is a cheek after he left me and saw me begging and crying when he left and he left me to bring up our 5 children

So this woman messaged my daughter from her daughters phone ( yes he introduced my kids to her a month after leaving me and allowed them to be friends and lied to me about who she really was and said it's his friend. Anyway the message read 'hi xxxxxx can you tell your mum to msg my mum on xxxxxxxxx as she has something important to tell her'
My daughter was confused because they don't know about this unborn baby or that she was actually his gf and not his friend so was confused. And I'm angry she used my daughter to get to me! This happened this morning. I didn't message her back as I don't want to be in the drama., although I am curious as to why she wants to message me.

I asked him why she thinks he has the right to do this and he said he doesn't know and she probably wants drama and that he can't understand why she would want to talk to me because she said she hates me and that she's called me a home wrecker. He said he told her she has no right to say that about me but I'm angry that this woman thinks I'm a home wrecker when I was the one who was left with 5 kids after a 14 year marriage. I don't want to be a part of their drama yet she's using my daughter. I didn't want to block that kid from talking to my daughter because the kids are innocent but I have had to block her from my daughters phone now.

OP posts:
Winchestermom35 · 15/02/2019 20:49

I don’t think she said that. I think your dh is trying to pull you into the drama.
I wonder what he’s said to her about you....

Well done for staying out of it op.

Please don’t take him back.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 15/02/2019 20:53

She probably didn’t say any of those things at all. Your ex is a lying piece of crap.

He may have given her an STD or similar for all you know! Shock

Personally I wouldn’t assume she is crazy off the bat you know nothing about her.
And she is going to give birth to your children’s sibling so it’s good to maintain a decent relationship.

Serialweightwatcher · 15/02/2019 20:56

I'd want to know what she wanted and then I'd tell her to f off and not use her kids as go-betweens and inform her that she's the home wrecker (unless he made that up because he does sound like a fool)

Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 21:00

Hmm you all could be right
If I could guarantee she wouldn't go telling him i messaged her back then I would but I know she will go telling him and it would put me back in that abusive circle I was in as he will do anything to make me pay for that

OP posts:
Haffiana · 15/02/2019 21:01

I am failing to understand why you are talking to him about anything other than your children LET ALONE believing anything he says to you.

Haffiana · 15/02/2019 21:03

FFS just walk away from it all. Shake the shit off your shoes and go and live a different life.

TextbookFannies · 15/02/2019 21:04

Sorry but you’re being an absolute mug.

He’s lied to you.
He’s probably lied to her.
He’s still lying to you because he doesn’t want you two comparing notes.

He is telling you whatever he needs to to make sure she is the enemy not him.
He is placing himself in the role of your team mate by indignantly telling you the terrible things she is supposed to have said (except that he completely made them up. The fact “home wrecker” makes no logical sense is your flashing neon clue that it’s bullshit).

If you honestly think what he’s saying “might be true” and you’ll just “never know” then there’s no hope for you.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/02/2019 21:05

Agree with others not to believe anything your ex tells you she's said.

I'd have sent her a message saying you are willing to talk to her as your kids will be related but she then keeps kids out of it. That you aren't engaging in drama.

She may well have something to tell you of importance - but then I'm nosy Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 15/02/2019 21:11

He's a liar. He lied to you, he lied to her. You can't believe a single thing he says. He may have lied (again) and made the 'homewrecker' comment simply to keep the two of you from comparing notes and realizing what a piece of shit he actually is!

I understand you not wanting to get involved in their 'drama'. I also agree that she should not have used your (or her) DD to get in touch with you. And I think you are correct in blocking her number.

As far as what she wants, that's up to you. I have to admit I'd be curious as to what she wants to say. She may simply want to call you names, she may want to commiserate or build a bridge for your children's sakes. Or it may be that she has something to say that you should hear (as others have suggested, that they are still together).

dragonsfire · 15/02/2019 21:11

Erm any chance he is lying and manipulating you just like he has the whole situation?

How can you trust anything that comes out of her mouth?

On another note this woman is pregnant with your children’s half sibling so you need to direct your anger at your husband and come to terms that in the future your children may want a relationship with their half sibling.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/02/2019 21:12

it would put me back in that abusive circle I was in as he will do anything to make me pay for that

Like what? If you aren't back together what can he do to you?

C0untDucku1a · 15/02/2019 21:16

He is lying. Dont talk to him.

Id be curious to know what she wanted. I imagine to tell you everything he tells you is lies. But you should know that already.

Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 21:16

@AcrossthePond55 he will be awkward and not stick to times to have kids and just do Things to make my life harder

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 21:23

Yes it's more than likely all lies. He probably slagged me off to her and he's slagging her off to me as well. If I'm honest to you all, I haven't got over this whole situation and all this shit that keeps happening is adding to me not getting over it. There is just never a break from it and when the baby is born it will continue. I know it's their half sibling and they will have to meet and know each other, it will be hard but to be honest I don't want to see the baby, my kids can with their dad but I don't want to know. It still hurts me that he replaced me with her. That I'm the first 3 months he left me he was shagging her getting her pregnant whilst I was looking after her kids.
And I guess all these things about me being a home wrecker and all that just make me feel worse
And he said she doesn't want me anywhere near that baby of hers which is fine by me.
She was angry that I hadn't told my kids about the baby yet but he told her he will respect my decision on me telling our kids when the Time is right. My kids life was messed up, it has been horrible so I'll tell them when I know everything is Stable to do so.
It's affecting my daily life now thinking constantly about being rejected and that my marriage is over. I don't think it's healthy and I am trying to move on.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/02/2019 21:44

TakeTwo

Honestly sweetie- he is a lying twat.

I promise you he told her his marriage was dead and the you were a ball-breaking bitch in order toget her into bed.

Now he's doing his best to get you onside again, and to prevent the two of you communicating.

Can you trust her to tell the truth? - who knows?

Can you trust him? - can you bollox!

If I were you I'd kick him into touch, possibly get in touch with her (depending how I felt) and see what was going on - and hopefully form a Wall of Womanhood against Wankers and both of you keep him at arms' length.

dragonsfire · 15/02/2019 22:21

I think he is definitely lying if the other woman was truly vindictive she would have text your daughter telling her about the baby etc. She didn’t she just asked (in a bad way) for a conversation probably because she wants to hear from the horses mouth so to speak.

You have no idea what he told her, she might have thought you have been split up a lot longer than she thought.

He is manipulating the situation and you.

I really would consider contacting the woman, saying that it needs to be on your terms and your timings.

Please stop talking to your husband about anything but your children!

gamerwidow · 15/02/2019 22:29

And he said she doesn't want me anywhere near that baby of hers which is fine by me.
She was angry that I hadn't told my kids about the baby yet but he told her he will respect my decision on me telling our kids when the Time is right
She probably hasn't said anything or the sort he is shit stirring so that he can look like the big man defending you to his unreasonable ex.

Seriously she isn't the one you need to be angry with here. You should be furious with your ex for being an manipulative shit no being heart broken over rejection. You haven't been rejected you've had a lucky escape.

IDoN0tCare · 15/02/2019 22:34

And he said she doesn't want me anywhere near that baby of hers Did he actually call it HER baby? It’s his baby too and, while I think she’s a silly fucker, I’m worried that he’s going to try to fuck up her life as well as yours. He sounds like a right nasty bastard.

Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 23:11

Thanks everyone
I'm starting to see that he's probably making a load of shit up. She calls the baby 'her baby' apparently
He wants to be in the babies life and help but she said she won't put him on the birth certificate because he's still married to me and doesn't the baby to have same surname as me, which i understand. She says one minute he can see the child and the next blocks me on everything and says he's having nothing to do with the baby.
He's horrible and treated us both so badly but he does genuinely want to be in the baby's life. But she tells him he has to 'prove her baby will not come last' before putting him in the certificate. But that's his business just as long as all the kids are treated as equal ( her baby and my kids)
Wouldn't want any of our children to come last

OP posts:
Original poster
TakeTwoOfThat · 15/02/2019 23:12

Blocks him on everything

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 15/02/2019 23:18

If she is still pregnant then surely it is incredibly normal to refer to the baby in conversation as "her" baby - it is inside her body, after all!

macblank · 15/02/2019 23:21

How do you know she called you a home wrecker? What cos the twat said so.. fuck off. You falling for that.

He don't want her to know how he treated her. He don't want two strong women beating down on him.. selfish prick.

Yes I am a man, but I do not accepted his wasted space. He is playing you 2 against each other, and at the moment your falling for it... Win for him!

Piss him off and contact her... He done to her, what he has done to you. It's what he does. It's what all cheats do... They blame you. It's your fault I strayed because... BOLLOX, stand up tall and move on.

Speak to the woman... Give her one chance... Just like you would've wanted after he left you in the lurch.

The others are right, you're blaming the wrong person. She is innocent, until you know n can prove otherwise.... You said he went with her after you? I doubt that, very much... He prob lied to her and said you'd cheated and that's why he left.

LovingLola · 15/02/2019 23:24

My sympathies are with all the children who have to live with the consequences of this shit storm.

EL2019 · 15/02/2019 23:27

Is he paying you maintenance through CSA? You may want to get your claim for your five children in first.

SD1978 · 15/02/2019 23:28

I don't understand why it would matter if he knew you'd messaged back- you're taking his word she is being rude about you. Her daughter has your daughters number, and has asked you to contact her. The message wasn't rude or abusive. You're more worried about what he thinks, or says, than the woman he's also abandoned, you seem very invested in what he wants and thinks, and less so in anyone else's feelings

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