Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

First date - should the man pay?

396 replies

Newbuild · 15/02/2019 13:59

Haven’t been on a first date in a long time but when I did I always offered to split it 50/50 and happy to pay for myself but actually I don’t think I’ve ever been on one where he hasn’t insisted and eventually paid.
Watching first dates (the programme) and she completely writes her date off because he didn’t offer to pay for their meal. So wondered what was ‘normal’... do you expect the bloke to pay or go Dutch? Would you judge him if he didn’t offer?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:10

And in my view, any man who didn't care about equality, is a piece of shit, and not someone I'd spend thirty seconds with, never mind let them buy me dinner, have a relationship with a god forbid have a child with.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 16:18

I don’t understand and how this is even a question. Bill comes, both get wallets out. No need for man to insist on splitting or awkward conversation.

If you’re not getting your wallet out, you’re expecting the man to pay for you.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:21

Men who want to split the bill aren't doing it out of equality, they're doing it because they're stingy

You've misssed the point, it's not about what the man wants to do. It's about what we as women want to do, that we are in control, and we call it.

NameChangeNugget · 16/02/2019 16:26

Well said Bluntness

Some comments straight from 1954 on this thread Hmm

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:29

Men who want to split the bill aren't doing it out of equality, they're doing it because they're stingy!*

I simply don't understand this. It indicates you think it's their decision. Either they want to pay or they want to split it, but they call it. That's as some sort of inferior little woman you get no say in thr matter, that you need to do as he says,

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:39

Do bore off with the '1950's mindset' bullshit.

You sound ridiculous.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 16:41

Do bore off with the '1950's mindset' bullshit.

It is a 1950s mindset to expect to be provided for by a man. To go out together, both eat and sit and wait for him to step up when the bill arrives because you’re a woman and you don’t pay on first dates. It’s an embarrassment to women.

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:42

@Bluntness100

And in my view, any man who didn't care about equality, is a piece of shit, and not someone I'd spend thirty seconds with, never mind let them buy me dinner, have a relationship with a god forbid have a child with.

You're utterly deluded if you think that a man gives a flying fuck about 'equality' JUST BECAUSE he makes you pay for yourself on a first date. Grin

PMSL. You really believe your own drivel dontcha? Grin

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:47

@PurpleDaisies

You don't like women having different opinions to you, DO you? Same with a few certain others on here. Wink You seem VERY angry about all this. Why is that?

Is it because men never offer to pay for YOU? Don't be bitter. We can't all pick good 'uns! Grin

As I said, I have always obviously had much better men asking me out than you and a few others on here. Grin

You knock yourselves out dating men who take a pocket calculator on the first date, to make sure they don't pay a PENNY more than they have to!

You are welcome to this kind of man. Probably deserve it tbh.

poppymatilda · 16/02/2019 16:48

I'd always split it. If he insisted on paying and wouldn't let me share the bill I assume he was a bit old fashioned and therefore probably not my type. Makes me sound horribly millennial but that's just how it is! 😂

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:50

You're utterly deluded if you think that a man gives a flying fuck about 'equality' JUST BECAUSE he makes you pay for yourself on a first date

Again, you're missing rhe point, no man should be "making" s woman pay. This indicates you think a woman would only pay if she was made to. The point is women pay because that's what they want. They want to pay and they will. They are in control.

And not one person said a man cares about equality because he "makes you pay" what was said, was the woman wanted to pay, because SHE cares about equality. She isn't sitting there waiting for thr man to decide, she doesn't want him to pay, she wishes to pay her way.

I think we all get you don't though.

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:51

The dates I've had with 50/50 men...well they haven't turned into relationships as they've shown their true colours early on. And as pp's have said. Men who want to split the bill aren't doing it out of equality, they're doing it because they're stingy!

Yeah exactly! What I find baffling is how SOME women on here seem incredibly angry and upset that some women like a man to pay on the first date. Why so angry? Very odd. Confused

Obviously bitter that men don't pay for them.

NEWSFLASH; Other women are allowed different opinions ya know!

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:52

As I said, I have always obviously had much better men asking me out than you and a few others on here

What an immature attack, if you wish to have a sensible discussion have one, but attacking a poster and boasting you have great men asking you out is quite frankly embarrassing.

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:52

@Bluntness100

Deluded. That's what you are.

Shame. Sad

Yogagirl123 · 16/02/2019 16:53

I am old fashioned, DH usually paid when we were dating, but that was 30 years ago! OMG that makes me sound so old!

WinterfellWench · 16/02/2019 16:55

@Bluntness100

What an immature attack, if you wish to have a sensible discussion have one, but attacking a poster and boasting you have great men asking you out is quite frankly embarrassing.

Why are you angry and defensive?

And I don't see ANYTHING sensible about what YOU have said. OR @purpledaisies for that matter. All you are doing is attacking and berating and mocking ANY woman who doesn't think like you.

Narrow minded, and rude, and makes you sound bitter.

So just bore off with your having a go at me! Take a look in the mirror!

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 16:57

Deluded. That's what you are

You do understand that when you resort to personal attacks, you lose the argument right? It tells us you lack the intellectual ability to form a cohesive argument back so have no option but to resort to insulting people who don't agree with you,

ilovesooty · 16/02/2019 16:59

I can only see one poster getting angry, shouting and using a lot of capital letters for emphasis.
It's the one accusing others of being angry.

I don't think I've ever dated anyone so intellectually challenged they needed a pocket calculator Grin

Que0 · 16/02/2019 17:05

It seems so shallow and petty to equate paying for yourself with equality. Hmm. I know I’m “equal” to any man, but I don’t think I’m the “same” in every way and nor do so want to be. It’s about being secure enough in yourself, as a woman. I prefer a man who’s a gentleman because it’s about attraction, at the end of the day. I’m bored to the back teeth by men who don’t make a certain kind of effort. That’s just me - I find it a turn off really. If you are obsessive about paying 50/50 and str the type to start foaming at the mouth of a man opens a door for you or whatever, then go for it - no doubt you’ll attract and end up with a man who doesn’t see the need to do anything like this. That’s fine for some on here clearly, but frankly it’s not the kind of relationship dynamic I would want. All I can say, is I’ve been married 17 years to a “non- bill splitting type” and it wouldn’t occur to him that we’re not equal because that would just be nonsense.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 17:11

It seems so shallow and petty to equate paying for yourself with equality

You are not equal to a man if you are expecting him to pay because he has a penis. That is not petty or shallow. It is a fact.

Paddington68 · 16/02/2019 17:13

Is the woman putting out?

Asta19 · 16/02/2019 17:13

Ok, here is an example of “making” someone pay. I met a guy in a bar for drinks. He bought the first round, he drank quickly. Before I had even finished my drink he said “your round”. I had fully intended to offer to buy the next drink but I hadn’t finished my first one! I certainly didn’t need to be told “your round”. That was just downright rude.

Another bar meeting, man waits for me to put my hand in my pocket first. Ok fine. Only turned out their debit card machine was broken. So he bought the two drinks as he had cash. I then spied a shop with a cash point nearby and said I’d go get money for the second round. He says “ok then I’ll trust you not to run off, haha Haha” yeah very funny!

Oh and both men wanted to come back to mine that night! (Obviously I said no!) So all this bollocks about if a man pays he expects sex is just that, bollocks. All bloody men seem to expect sex on the first date now irrespective of who pays!

The above two are examples of why I stopped bothering with OLD some time ago. They were dicks. I’m worth more than that.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 17:19

No one would disput those men were dicks. But again you miss the point, your focus is on thr man wanting you to pay, tellling you to pay, it is not on the woman wanting pay when the time comes.

Yes those men were rude dicks. There is no doubt about it. But again this is not about what men want and do, it's about what we as women want and do.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 17:20

That was just downright rude.
Agreed.

He says “ok then I’ll trust you not to run off, haha Haha
Also rude.

Neither are relevant to whether men should be expected to pay for first dates.

19lottie82 · 16/02/2019 17:22

If a man asked me on a date, I would expect him to offer. If I didn’t want to see him again I would insist on going Dutch. If I did want to see him again then I would accept but make sure I paid the next time, or for drinks after the meal.