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Original poster

First date - should the man pay?

396 replies

Newbuild · 15/02/2019 13:59

Haven’t been on a first date in a long time but when I did I always offered to split it 50/50 and happy to pay for myself but actually I don’t think I’ve ever been on one where he hasn’t insisted and eventually paid.
Watching first dates (the programme) and she completely writes her date off because he didn’t offer to pay for their meal. So wondered what was ‘normal’... do you expect the bloke to pay or go Dutch? Would you judge him if he didn’t offer?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 06:09

That's fuckery where I come from

I don't even understand what that means,

And yes, being equal means paying your way, and not expecting a man to "treat" you to dinner, to pay for your company, simply by way of gender.

JenniferJareau · 16/02/2019 06:16

If I didn't click with him on the date I'd go halves as I know I wouldn't be seeing him again.

If I liked him I'd offer half but would be put off if he didn't pay for the whole meal.

If he got his calculator out to split the bill exactly, I'd pay my share and never see him again. Tightness is a complete turn off for me.

Sureyouwill · 16/02/2019 06:16

Well honey, if you ain't picking up the bill, I ain't meeting you.

marcopront · 16/02/2019 06:19

Well honey, if you ain't picking up the bill, I ain't meeting you.

So you don't want equality.
Having a penis means if you want to spend time with someone means you have to pay?

Why can't a man think if she wants to spend time with me, she can pay?

Sureyouwill · 16/02/2019 06:40

He can't think it if he likes, but he won't be meeting me!

marcopront · 16/02/2019 06:59

@Sureyouwill
What makes you so special men have to pay to spend time with you?

Sureyouwill · 16/02/2019 07:04

You'd have to meet me to find out. Wink

Oceanbliss · 16/02/2019 07:07

For me I believe that the person who invited the other on a date pays and organizes it. If it all goes well and both would like to date more then they can decide if they would like to take turns organizing and paying for dates. No reason why equality can't be achieved by both women and men asking people out on dates, organizing the date and paying for the full date. If money is an issue organize a date that is cheaper with more effort. (Call me old fashioned but I love a good picnic by the beach or lake or something) I think what differentiates a date from two or more people catching up socially is that one is treating someone to a night out or daytime activity because you are attracted to them, want to get to know them better, or in an intimate relationship with the person; the other is about people who enjoy each others company getting together socially. Splitting the bill on a date seems impersonal to me.

MamaDane · 16/02/2019 08:10

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
Grin

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 08:34

I would probably be more impressed with a man who was generous and offered to pay, than one who told me we were splitting the bill.

Your date shouldn’t need to “tell you” you’re splitting the bill. Bill arrives. Both people get wallets out. Bill split (either in half or fairly if there’s s big difference) and both pay. Happy days!

Asta19 · 16/02/2019 09:09

It’s been said before, MN is not a hive mind. I don’t know why people find it so distasteful when some of us say yes actually we would be more impressed by a man who paid. We are allowed to feel that way. The same way some men would want to split the bill, some wouldn’t. I won’t be told what I “should” be doing as a woman in 2019! I am my own person. And no i’m not convinced that women do have it better nowadays. Women have been able to have careers for many years now. Only now women can’t do anything right. If they choose to be a SAHM, they’re considered to be “sponging” off another person, worse still if they become a single parent (often through no fault of their own). Yet if they work then they aren’t being a good mother. A lot of women are forced to work when they would have liked at least a few years at home with the kids, because of financial reasons. A lot of men will cherry pick the parts of equality that suit them, and just behave like assholes. So yes, I preferred dating in the 80’s and 90’s. And yes I think life was better then, in many ways. I am allowed to hold that opinion.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 09:13

A lot of men will cherry pick the parts of equality that suit them, and just behave like assholes

On this thread there are plenty of women who are cherry picking the parts of equality that benefit them...

beanaseireann · 16/02/2019 09:15

If somebody asks me on a date I'd expect them to pay.
I'd pay the next time ( if there was a second date).
Hypothetical for me as I've been married for years.

TitsAndTomatoes · 16/02/2019 09:53

I would dutch on a first date.
On our first date, my now DH paid. It was only a few drinks at a pub on a Saturday afternoon and i wanted to pay my share (i didnt drink alcohol) but he insisted and just paid.
It wasnt until about 8/9 months into our relationship that he actually backed down and let me atleast pay half. He used to see it as his job Hmm and that as he was taking me out, he should pay.
I hated that lol.
But, everytime he paid there was no sex-pectation. We didnt have sex till we'd been together about 6 months.
Fast forward 12 years and i wish it was his job to pay so i dont have to Grin

ilovesooty · 16/02/2019 10:12

I'm still mystified as to why a man is regarded as tight if he accepts an offer to split the bill.
@Sureyouwill do you come from the American deep South?

formerbabe · 16/02/2019 10:16

The thing is about bill splitting....invariably, the men who don't pay the whole bill aren't thinking about equality, they're thinking about the money they'll save.

Butteredghost · 16/02/2019 10:23

I think if you are attractive, the man will offer to pay. I'm unattractive so I always pay on first dates.

Thats why I laugh when I hear men complaining about they are always expected to pay on dates. Surely they should just be happy they are out with a nice looking women. They could always choose to date less conventionally attractive women if they don't like paying.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2019 10:24

The thing is about bill splitting....invariably, the men who don't pay the whole bill aren't thinking about equality, they're thinking about the money they'll save.

You know this how?

formerbabe · 16/02/2019 10:26

You know this how?

Very few men genuinely give a fuck about equality. If you don't think that's true, I suggest you open your eyes.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2019 10:38

The thing is about bill splitting....invariably, the men who don't pay the whole bill aren't thinking about equality, they're thinking about the money they'll save

Unlike the women who don't want to put their hands in their pockets eh?

Very few men genuinely give a fuck about equality

You must know some shitty men, the ones I know, married their equals, and treat their partners as such, and would be enraged if any man treated their partners or daughters as inferior due to their gender. And they raise their daughters to expect equality.

Arnoldthecat · 16/02/2019 10:40

I'm male,,its dutch all the way for me. Why should it be any different? Once in an established relationship then take turns or occasionally i pay all as a treat.. sound fair ?

formerbabe · 16/02/2019 10:44

occasionally i pay all as a treat

Ooohhh, I bet she can barely contain her excitement at this fantastic 'treat'

formerbabe · 16/02/2019 10:52

You must know some shitty men, the ones I know, married their equals, and treat their partners as such, and would be enraged if any man treated their partners or daughters as inferior due to their gender. And they raise their daughters to expect equality

You are having a laugh if you think we're living in some feminist utopia. Look at all the threads on here where men expect their wives to work full time yet also do all the housework and child related care. Why do they want their wives to work too? It's certainly not because of equality because if it was, they'd be doing 50% of the housework too.

Vixxxy · 16/02/2019 11:06

Whoever asks the other out on a date should pay I think, regardless of sex.

Que0 · 16/02/2019 11:51

I would expect the man to pay, at least for the first few dates, but having said this, I would at least offer. I wouldn’t mind paying at all, but it would push him towards the “friend zone” to be absolutely honest. That’s just how I feel and these things don’t have to be logical. But I’m not someone who ever did internet dating, so maybe this is why. I think if you meet lots of randoms informally - almost a pre-date in a way - then I wouldn’t really want them paying for me, especially if half of them were weird.