First date - should the man pay?

[Newbuild]

Haven’t been on a first date in a long time but when I did I always offered to split it 50/50 and happy to pay for myself but actually I don’t think I’ve ever been on one where he hasn’t insisted and eventually paid.
Watching first dates (the programme) and she completely writes her date off because he didn’t offer to pay for their meal. So wondered what was ‘normal’... do you expect the bloke to pay or go Dutch? Would you judge him if he didn’t offer?

Ignore my previous post. Quored wring thing

Well I don't want to pay and I won't @Bluntness100 . How's that for equality!

I understand your point, but think it just depends on the way you see equality Bluntness.

I’ve learnt on this very forum that there are many different types of feminism! So that’s a difficult question to say yes or no to!

What I do believe in is choices for women. So for example, I don’t agree with putting a woman down because she chooses to work or because she chooses to be a sahm. To me both of those choices are equally valid and a woman shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for either one.

I believe that yes over the course of time a couple should be equal financially. I just don’t feel the need to stamp that on the first date! I believe that jobs around the house should be shared equally but in whatever way it works for that couple. For some that might be the more “traditional” roles, for others not.

But I don’t believe men and women are the same, nor should they be. To me equality in a relationship is where each person is strong in their own ways, for the benefit of both parties. It’s not everything absolutely equal all of the time.

Yes I do agree on things like men and women being paid the same to do the same job. I don’t in any way think men are superior to women. But I do think they are different.

I've never accepted a man paying - whether it's a date or just a drink in a bar, unless you're buying rounds. I just don't like the idea of being beholden to anyone. Some women seem to see it as their right to have the date paid for by the man and some men seem to think they've bought a whole lot more than what they've actually paid for. I think a 50/50 split is the way to go.

And I actually agree with everything you say Asta. apart from that one thing, that a man should pay on a first date, it is so far adrift from every other point you make.

Actually, someone stated that we shouldn't expect men to respect us for it either.
The impression I get is that men DO actually respect you more for it. You value yourself enough to expect a certain level of chivalry.
And they tend to not like women demanding to be equal in all things. From my friends, they see the women as domineering and a bit butch.

Yes, I do think it's an indicator of things to come if a guy asks you out and then wants you to fork out for it. No honey, you asked ME out.

There's subtlety in it too. If a man says, would you like to meet for coffee, I would expect to pay for my own coffee.
If a man says 'Can I take you out to dinner Friday', I would not expect to pay for it.

And even if it's dinner and the man is paying, unless you're a complete hairy feminist, it's highly likely that you've already forked out for tanning products, makeup, a nice dress, shoes, nails, hair etc. So to then have to pay for the bloody thing on top of all that would be a No from me.

But I guess that’s the thing, my views have been formulated over my lifetime and as I say, I can only live my life based on my own experiences. And, generally speaking, the men who’ve paid on the first date have treated me better overall. As I said, I do get my purse out ready. And if a man does accept 50/50 payment it wouldn’t be a deal breaker by any means. But if he then says “it’s ok I’ll get it” I’m not going to have the to and fro argument! But then the same is true if I go out with female friends. We will often treat each other and if one offers the other says thanks.

Oh you poor people!

How stressful is modern day dating. I’m sooo thankful I’m not in the dating pool.

I think this current problem is due to the fact that many of these examples are due to online dating, which amounts to blind dates.

There is no spark, it is really an interview situation so really can’t be compared to a first date. Maybe you should all be honest about this, meet go Dutch and then if there is a meeting of minds and loins take it from there.

My dating days were back in the ‘70’s, school, students, first jobs etc. None of my dates were rich! We went Dutch as a matter of course.

However, I will say we met our dates on the dance floor or in bars or in work. Face to face, so different to today.

A bullshit radar was developed very early in life. THIs Is An ESSENTIAL TOOL IN DATING!

I think online dating builds an unreasonable expectation for many women. They feel they have already committed to something when they make the date without having met the person and picked up signals.

I do think dating etiquette needs to be discussed and laid bare.

I do find this thread eye opening and very interesting.

Why exactly should a man pay? Not a good way to start off an equal relationship.

hairy feminist

you've already forked out for tanning products, makeup, a nice dress, shoes, nails, hair etc.

Well if you're going to be ridiculous and suggest women only spend money on those things for dates then you may as well say the mans bough a new suit, tie, shoes, shaving products, hair cuts.

It boils down to a very simple statement:

Man pays as he has bollocks, women don't so they get bought for.

Sounds fair to me.

Well I’m not sure why you’re reducing everything to bollocks?

Yup! We get bought for.

So say for e.g. , I'm a waitress on minimum wage, my date is a banker. I'm 25, he's 38. Do you really think I should go halvers? Hell no. If I did I wouldn't be meeting him! Simple as that.

This place never seems to amaze me:
Woman decides to stay at home to do family 'admin' and calls her husband's money 'family money' = equality
Man pays on first date = 1950s.

Many men show how they'll treat you early on. If he can't pay on a date, I won't be surprised at his inability to give later on.

I have NEVER dated a man who wanted me to 'contribute' to the bill on a date. Actually, once - and he went swiftly to the friendzone.

I'm with @WinterfellWench and @Asta19
To each their own, I guess.

He’a a waiter on minimum wage, I’m a banker. Do you really think he should pay for the whole date? Lots on this thread think so.

I'd offer twice then let him pay. Assuming he insists. I would like to think on a first date he would want to pay. Not to say I wouldn't be happy going halves but I think it says a lot.

Take enough money to cover your half, if they insist paying then you get the drinks or the next meal.

If he was a waiter and I was a banker I wouldn't be dating him.

Lucky escape for him, if that's your attitude.

Formerbabe spake..

occasionally i pay all as a treat

"Ooohhh, I bet she can barely contain her excitement at this fantastic 'treat'"

I understand your cynicism however myself and my partner treat eachother. There is no implication on my part of control,ownership or subjugation of a woman. I do not need any woman nor do i beg,plead or ingratiate myself with anyone be it for a date,a shag or whatever. I work,earn my own money and look after myself.

formerbabe
Men like equality when it suits them...ie saving half the cost of a Margherita pizza and a bottle of house white. Not so much when it means having to pull their weight with housework.

Some men,not all men . As an example, i earn my own money. I do not live off any woman. In our home i share housework,cooking,laundry,gardening,diy,decorating,. We take turns. If partner is out or working etc and im in,i cook. If i see something that needs doing, i do it,,eg wash dishes,empty washing machine,drier,put out/take in bins,wash cars,repair cars etc.

We the male species are not all fat lazy slobs who sit there flicking a playstation whilst making the wee housewife wipe our backsides.

In addition i occasionally babysit.childmind for a friend so they can have a break as newish parents.