Boarding school for 7yr olds.

[Patchworkpatty]

This is not a TAAT but follows on from one earlier today where I appear out of step with the majority posting there. So want to ask the AIBU vipers opinions.

While discussing the other thread it lead me to do some internet investigation about the age of children in boarding schools in this country - and was horrified that there are many prep schools that offer 'full boarding' (not weekly and home weekends) from the age of 7 ! I am genuinely shocked and sad that such young children are sent away from home. These places appear really desirable to those parents desperate to ensure entry into 'the better public schools' .

How is this different from putting your 7 yr old in care ? IMHOthe only difference is that you pay for it and there are more activities. Surely it's not right to do this to such young children . I really thought that had stopped in the 1960s .!

A relative works in a very posh boarding school, most board full time. The rate of anorexia, self harm, and depression is very high.

I should have said the reason I was send to boarding school was because both parents had mental health issues and I had previously sent into foster care so DF had his reasons and didn't want us to be taken away again but as a parent now I still think it is better to try and work things through as a family. Another factor is that DF had gone to boarding school so it was what he knew. I've forgiven him for the decisions he made and have worked hard to overcome my insecurities but l still struggle. I should add we weren't rich and DF managed to get a trust fund to pay our fees but that was another source of shame..we were the poor kids amongst the wealthy. I don't think there were any as young as 7 but I can't remember

spring

What makes you think that boarding is any worse for problems with social media.
We have found the complete opposite, as we are given information and attend regular meetings about social media.
The internet is off at night and afaik the parents I know are aware every time their child posts something.
There is less of a tendency too, texting is more apparent, and old fashioned knocking on someone's door or if opposite sex meeting in a common room.
At my dd school fb is the main tool and this is for networking and advertising /business/ career rather than social

Springwalk - very few boarding schools are full boarding now, in most, almost all the pupils go home to their families every weekend. So 6 weeks without seeing your children isn't the norm at all in boarding schools, its rarely more than a few days.

Also, if my child was being sick or missing meals they'd le me know straight away. Chilren are also told about the dangers of self harm and eating disorders and told to speak to staff in confidence if they notice something with a friend. There again the incident I heard about was dealt with straight away, as was obvious to friends sharing a room.
Another case I know of from statw school, the parents or school had no idea, the girl hid it well, as is easy to do if you come home from school and skulk in a bedroom.

I've worked in a boarding school that took weekly borders from five (iirc, it was a long time ago!)

The tinyies used to get quite upset and home sick. I remember hugging one tiny girl who was sobbing her heart out for mummy. Horrible and I'd never chose it for my own kids.

My DD goes to a prep school that takes boarders from the age of 7. Bar a couple of children with parents in the forces or living overseas, all the boarders below 11 flexi-board, with most only doing 1-2 nights a week. Trust me, it has more in common with a sleepover than a care home!

TheBossofMe That does not tally with the statistics which someone posted on thread.

claire - which comment doesn't tally?

Also, if my child was ... missing meals they'd le me know straight away

If you think that’s an effective strategy for guarding against eating disorders I’d say you’re very naive.

However I do think that some personality types would be ok on boarding school after about the age of 15 or so. And that sometimes there are positives that outweigh negatives.

But, the day to day care is not equivalent to that given by loving, engaged parents at home. How could it be?

TheBossOfMe Someone posted stats about the percentage of children in boarding school who are full boarding. It said in senior school the majority are full boarding.

Claire - sorry, missed that! Not sure what the source was, but the latest ISC report says that 73% of ISC boarding schools have less than 50% of pupils boarding, and only 3% are exclusively full boarding - and then some headline stats:

13% of pupils at ISC schools board. At sixth form this proportion more than doubles to over one third of all pupils. For junior pupils this proportion is significantly lower, with only 2% of pupils boarding.

In addition to boarding being far more prevalent at sixth form than at junior level, sixth form pupils are far more likely to board on a full-time basis: 91% of sixth form boarding pupils are full boarders, 6% are weekly boarders and 3% are exi boarders. In contrast, fewer than half of junior boarding pupils board full time"

So I think the two sets of figures do line up - which does make me wonder where all these FT boarding juniors are (unless they are mainly the older prep pupils in Y7 and Y8, where I accept there are a lot of FT boarders).

Maybe it's just because I'm in the SE, but I've probably visited about 20 boarding schools this year as we prepare for senior entry, and I've only come across about 1 or 2 where FT boarding (as opposed to flex or weekly) is the norm. It certainly looks from the ISC report as if there is a huge geo variation in boarding - some regions are as low as 5% of all pupils, with some over 20% (have excluded London for obvious reasons)

Boarding isn't for all children. My DD will weekly board in senior school, coming home every weekend. But she's built up to that through Flexi-boarding, which she loves. And we're choosing schools which are close enough that she can switch to being a Flexi or day pupil if weekly boarding doesn't suit. Just in case!

@whereisthepostman ds2 is now 22 and has stayed in the area where he was at school. He has lots of deaf & hearing friends.

TheBossOfMe You are quoting from ISC stats. But most independent schools as you outline do not offer boarding facilities. The original stats quoted were about those children who do board. And they said that the majority who board in senior school fully board, and in junior just under half fully board.
The point is that on mumsnet nearly everyone says their kids flexi board, so only staying 1 or 2 nights a week. From this you would think this is the most common way kids board, but the stats quoted on the thread say that most kids who board, do fully board.

claire - I suspect a lot of them are overseas pupils. There are vast numbers of foreign students at some boarding schools. Which might explain why on MN you don't find those parents.

I just had a look at the FB list at my daughter's school. Of the full-boarders (about 100 in a school of about 350), 63 of them are either foreign students, forces children or have parents who live overseas. Bear in mind that FB at her school, as with many schools, still only means that you have to be at school for 1 in 3 weekends, the other two being exeats or optional floating exeats.

I'd hate DD to FB. But for some parents its their only choice.

No it is not their only choice unless home is so bad they are better off at boarding school.
Parents change jobs, move or make other big changes to their lives all the time for the benefit of their children.

You're rather assuming boarding school isn't for the benefit of the children. For many overseas families, they do it as a way for their children to learn English, get into English schools, and they come from countries where the cultural norm is not for the children to live with their parents anyway (hence the large number of Chinese children).

And bully for the parents who are able to easily walk away from jobs and walk into others rather than move overseas. It's not always that easy - in my industry, it most certainly isn't that easy at all.

Laurie

I'm not suggesting it does, I was just talking about the contact we have, and could have used a different example.
There seems to be no more problems with eating disorders at my dd school than the state schools our sons attended. Far fewer teenage pregnancies too, in fact haven't heard of one since she started. unfortunately there were 3 girls left in year 11 at one of their schools

The point is that on mumsnet nearly everyone says their kids flexi board, so only staying 1 or 2 nights a week. From this you would think this is the most common way kids board, but the stats quoted on the thread say that most kids who board, do fully board.

Well most English children probably do flexi-board and the balance of the full time boarders largely taken up with Chinese and Russian children who obviously can't flexi-board.

No it is not their only choice unless home is so bad they are better off at boarding school.
Parents change jobs, move or make other big changes to their lives all the time for the benefit of their children.

You mean women make the changes. Can't say I know of many men that have e.g. given up work to become a trailing spouse so the mother can keep her high-flying foreign career.

You basically don't like the idea that some mothers don't fulfill the idealizes caring role you have allocated to them.

The stats can be skewed as well.
E.g, my dd is officially a weekly boarder. There are many times she'll call and isn't coming home that particular week.
There are other day students who might stay a couple of nights a week for various activities, they won't be listed as boarders.
I think you can be more sure of overseas boarders but then there are times they might not be full boarding, if a parent comes over and buys/rents a flat. This has just happened with a friend of dd, she now flexi boards too.

ISC research into the schools market can be quite dodgy. I would be more inclined to trust national statistics than ISC.

Maybe one of the differences in emotional response to the concept of boarding as a whole is related to the amount of time you actually get to spend with your child. I live in the SE and, in common with many SE residents, commute a long way to work, rarely getting home before about 7.30/8pm on a good day, more like 8.30 on an average day. DD isn't finished with extracurriculars (sport, music, drama etc) until 7pm on 2 days, and not until 8.30pm on 3 days. So by the time she's home (school is about 20 mins away), if she's not boarding, its generally just a question of a fast supper, bath time, quick go over any work e.g. vocab learning for the next day, and then bed. Which leaves no real time for anything beyond very functional conversation. So the fact that she has opted to board on the days when she finishes very late doesn't really mean a lot less time with us.

I do appreciate that if your child could be home with you by 5 pm, and you would miss out on several hours of quality time with them, then it would feel like more of a loss. But that's not the reality for 1000s of homes.

Maria - where do you find those? I could only find the ISC stuff online - probably looking in the wrong place!

Sukochicha I completely agree.