To think this is really shitty of this lad.

[HarrySnotter]

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

I am another for sending the message to his mother.
It is beyond embarrassing, and it is better your friend addresses his revolting behaviour now.
I don’t envy her tbh but I would damn well want to know if this was my dc.

Personally, I would tell my son to reply
'hey..to be honest, me and my mates were thinking the same :-) ...laters.'

And then block the f(*&er.

If I were that snobby little twats mum, I would give him hell for that.

I've not read it all so i hope i don't xpost, but i'd message the mum in the lines of "hey, talking to DS, it seems like Ben is not as keen to hang about anymore. Check on your side that everything's ok/the reasons why, but let's not fret about it! I still look forward to seeing you next time though!"

_You're also friends with the mother, no point of being passive aggressive and alienating somebody you enjoy the company of.
_The kids are 15 and like you say OP, friendships come and go at any point in life, let's not be dramatic over it
_it pushes the other mum to speak with Ben, because the way her son said it is pure nasty and I think she could be grateful to hear about it. But then Ben can't blame your son for ratting him out since you didn't display the exact content of the message.

Having been educated in both the private and public sector I can tell people that this isn't a private school issue it's a not being an arse issue.

In private schools you'll get the nasty snobby over privileged, whose parents are to busy to parent them & buy them instead.
In the public schools you get the nasty under privileged kid whose parents can't be bothered to parent them.
Both will turn into arses for different reasons but still the same result... nothing to do with money everything to do with parenting.
Having been on both sides I hate the snobbery and then reverse snobbery that occurs it's just jealousy, wish people would grow up 🤷‍♀️

Tell his mum. Kids can get skewiff values at this age and if shes lovely at least she knows to keep an eye on it and set him right.

if i were privately educating my son and he sent that text i would absolutely want to know.

what ever the school is teaching its not humility is it?

id be livid. id be wondering if i was wasting my money.

i think you did right op. it was needless and crass to text that put down.

Close private schools - buying privilege, promoting snobbery, encouraging elitism

I agree it’s shitty and snobby, it will probably come back to bite him on the arse st some point when hid great new friends drop him or leave him out and he’s got no fall back
But how would your son feel if Bens mum says something to her son and he gets cheesed off will it not just cause more of an embarrassment I’d say just forget him it’s his loss clearly

The private schoolboy is learning: "unconscious superiority & unwarranted entitlement"
In this "meritocracy" he'll probably end up as a Tory MP - braying with the others

OP you handled it well. For those saying they'd let it go, no wonder there are so many entitled little shits around and bullying is out of control. Well done Ben's mum too for saying she will get on to it.

I'm afraid that's teenager's for you. They are very self centred and unaware. I would leave it and just look after your own DS.

I had a similar problem with my niece and my daughter who'd been close since forever. Eventually I expect them to get on again and as long as you stay friends with Ben's mum that may happen for your boys, but meddling won't do any good.

Are you sure the boy sent that himself? I have two teenage boys, and I know that if a teen gets hold of someone else's phone they think it's hilarious to send pranky messages from it. My stepsons love to get their mum's phone and send each other messages (as if from her) saying how disappointed she is in them. Of course, they all know it's fake, so it's ok. But that sounds like one of his new "mates" from school might have gotten hold of his phone and sent this. The boy himself would surely know better than to drop a bomb like that. I would send it to the mum and ask her if her son really sent it because it doesn't sound like the Ben you know to be so pointlessly mean. If he didn't send it then problem solved. Or at least your son's problem is solved. Poor Ben has assholes for friends and a very disappointed mum.

How much is that kid going to look back on that and cringe?

It’s a tough one. Your son has reacted perfectly, so well done you.

However if the lads haven’t seen each other in such a long time, it’s equally understandable the friendship may have ended. He’s a 15 year old whose with other private school kids and wouldn’t be surprised if this is being egged in by them a little. It’s not right but happens all the time.

I think it was one of his friends. It's a terrible thing but they do things like this.

YANBU. However I don't think you should go running to his mum and forwarding the message. Its not like they're 5 and she can for want of a better word 'force' her ds to be friends with yours.

I think she already knew and was feeling awkward etc

To me it smacks of a kid that doesn't quite fit in at private and is anxious to be seen to be fully in the system without understanding that you don't walk all over folk (and this is what thi sis) to move up as when you com down they will be the ones higher up on the ladder next time. Get your son to learn from thi show you treat people whether you perceive them to be your equal or not, that would be something great to take from this.

I'd leave it to your son to do what he wants and not get involved. 'Telling his mate's mummy' won't help anything as far as he's concerned. It depends whether he's actually upset at losing this lad's friendship, or just at the snobby way his 'friend' ended it - although having said that, his options are really the same, which is to rise above it. This kid is a snobby little twat hanging out with other snobby little twats. Leave them to it! (As an aside I went to a private school and would have given anything to not wear a uniform that meant I got jeered at whenever I went into town. I would rather have gone to a state school, but even so, at my school there definitely wasn't an 'oh we're better than state school kids' attitude. I really find that kind of snobbery a bit weird - who cares if someone's parents are not so well off as yours? Doesn't mean you're clever, funnier, or in any way more interesting.)

I that, is why I never want to send my children to private school.

What a brat.. your son is well rid x

I would forward it to Ben's mum too.

I think though that beyond that you probably just have to leave it and accept that the friendship has fizzled out.

I’m wondering what reaction I would get if I posted loads of mostly incorrect stereotypes of State School pupils on here.

I think you have done the right thing letting your friend know, I would want the opportunity to speak to my son about such an attitude. I’d also want to guide him how he could have worded it differently.

They’ve been friends for a long time, long term friendships are not always constant. I’ve had my best friend since we were 6. 30 odd years later we are still best friends but we went to different secondary schools and have not made contact with each other when our lives have got busy. It is possible to dip in and out of each other’s lives and have other friendships and relationships without ever acknowledging it.

That is a very odd text. I also thought that someone else must have sent it. There’s more here than meets the eye, methinks.

I can't believe everyone suggesting the message should be sent to the boy's mum.

It is shit, but we have all been teenagers. Let them make their own mistakes without their mums muscling in. They can sort it between them, or move on. I would not dream of interfering.