Why do MIL and FIL demand 'alone time' with a baby?

[SilverBirchTree]

Since DS was born over a year ago, my MIL and FIL have been obsessed with having 'alone' time with him. Spending time with their son and myself as well is no good, apparently.

It started from when DS was a newborn, MIL constantly walking off with him in her arms, or shooing me off to go have a sleep or a haircut even when I said I was not tired etc.

As he has gotten older they have gotten more demanding about their 'alone time', and are now throwing an enormous tantrum (literally screaming and crying and my FIL even dropped himself onto the floor in anguish twice. I wish I was exaggerating) because we wont allow them to babysit DS all day while we are at work. Apparently we are denying them their 'rights' as grandparents.

I've seen other threads about the same thing- grandparents demanding or expecting sleep overs, being able to take the baby out of the house without asking, MIL walking out of the maternity ward with the baby...

My question is Why? Why do they need to be alone with a baby? What are they planning to do that they don't want to do in front of us?

StillMe1 What I would really want is for my own DCs who are mothers of the DGC to actually spend time with me rather than just flashing through my life as they drop off or pick up. I would like to be "visited" and chat about all sorts of things over a cuppa and cake with the DGC playing about with each other.

I feel guilty about doing this to my own parents. As a single mum, any offer of them looking after my 3 youngest DC is jumped at immediately. I do sometimes think it would be nice if we could all spend time together rather than me rushing off to see friends or go to uni in half terms... One day. I'll speak to my DM about it when she has them again next week. Thanks for making me think about it.
BTW OP I think your PIL are batshit as well and wouldn't leave my child with them.

OP, pls message me, Not had time to read more than 2 pages but that was enough. Narcissistic personality disorder. It's very prevalent in life. Or chk any Facebook group with narcissists, you will see the light .... I did with my mum a year ago and everything u say about throwing themselves on the floor is my mum, she jumped up and down in front of me like a leaping leprechaun when I got ready to feed my baby .....

OP, I remember your prev post. Well done on getting the nanny - your in-laws are batshit crazy!

Stay strong and with the tantrums they are throwing, that would give me more rise to say no to solo trips, let alone the safety issues you mentioned before.

Stay strong - you are doing well and glad your DH is confronting the difficult truths.

My dp parents ask to have our children weekly for 2 days since our 1st born mil would have her alot as a baby from the moment she was born mil was there

literally screaming and crying and my FIL even dropped himself onto the floor in anguish twice.

I think I would piss myself laughing there and then if I saw a grown up do that 😂🤣😂

No way would I give in to somebody who tried to manipulate me like that. Highly embarrassing behaviour and I wouldn’t trust my child with them at all.

I have biblical visions of a grown man renting his garments.

Demanding alone time is just weird. my parents or ILs never did. They did have them alone but that was to babysit or have them overnight. As they got older they would take them out to the park alone etc but that was to help us out not to feed some desire. They have had their children, I really dislike this notion of reliving parenthood, it sounds very selfish.

“Demanding alone time is just weird”
Demanding it is obviously completely unacceptable. Wanting and hoping for it is perfectly fine.

They sound completely unstable and I would never leave a child with them but that aside, there is absolutely nothing wrong with grandparents and grandchildren having “alone time”!!

Some of my best memories of my grandparents are staying with them over the weekend and listening to their stories and looking at old photos together. I bonded a lot more with them then than I ever did when I had my parents over and I saw a whole different side of my grandparents which made me respect and love them even more.

Even now I stay with my grandmother every time I visit my family in Turkey, even if Im going to see her at other family events the rest of the trip.

“Demanding alone time is just weird”
Demanding it is obviously completely unacceptable. Wanting and hoping for it is perfectly fine.

Yes, and you are probably much more likely to get it if you don't demand it.

I would find their wish for 'alone time' less unsettling if they sounded more stable and responsible. I think a lot of people do feel self-conscious about interracting with children in a silly and fun way, if they're being observed (as they would see it), and it's nice to have one to one time with those you love. However........they sound quite unhinged. Wouldn't be surprised if they are consumed by jealously over the contact that op's parents have with the dgc. Sounds like it's their own fault that that is the case, though, and I would hesitate to give them any unsupervised care.

My MIL is obsessed with having alone time with DS1. I’m sure it’s so she can roll back the clock and pretend to be his mum

DS1 looks just like DH, so that’s part of the issue. When he was 2, he actually thought his name was the same as DH, because she keeps calling him by DH’s name!!! His nursery key worker actually took me aside one day to ask why DS1 had started calling himself by a different name

As a dgm I just don't get this tbh! As a baby I had dgs for days at a time at their request, at nearly 3 an afternoon is plenty!
They obviously have some weird notion about playing dm's and df's with your dc!
Can't imagine asking to have him alone.
I have told ds when dgs is old enough to sleep over if he wants to he can. Needs be his choice imo.