Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take blame for dp’s speeding

277 replies

Wrinklyturtle · 13/02/2019 21:09

So basically had a letter through today. The car is in my name and a while back I received a letter for speeding in another part of the country - I gave it to DP to sort as I knew, as did he, that it was him driving. He sorts all the bills, car stuff etc. usually.

Fast forward to today and I’ve received a summons to attend a speed awareness course. I rang and told him in rather miffed tone that I’d received it and he’d better sort it out as it was him driving. His response was basically “oh you know it’s much better for you to take it, I can’t because of work”. I am a sahm.
He has done this before and I took points on my licence for him.

It’s more his attitude than anything it’s like “my time is much more important than yours - you are sat at home all day”. No apology or anything, it’s just expected that il suck it up.

He also chastised me for calling him at work and shouting down the phone (I didn’t shout I raised my voice cos I was miffed at his response). He said I sound like a banshee shouting down the phone in the office.
Does anyone else just take shit like this for the sake of the family?

OP posts:
Rockmysocks · 14/02/2019 05:30

You're mad to even consider it. He's doing a right number on you and saying you sounded like a banshee is just to bully you into a 'just do as you're told, don't make a fuss, do it quietly without bothering me'.

GnomeDePlume · 14/02/2019 05:36

AlexaAmbidextra I think what MakingMammaries posted is relevant as what they posted demonstrates that there was a process available to correctly identify the driver if the OP and her DP had genuinely been in doubt as to who was driving.

Instead the OP and her DP have treated this as a tedious bit of admin.

As a result the OP and her DP have stepped into a world of criminality. This is not a minor offence, as @jalapenos the magistrate pointed out up thread the consequences are potentially going to be severe to sort this mess out. If they dont sort this mess out the consequences could be even more severe.

The courts do not like the piss being taken.

Ce7913 · 14/02/2019 05:44

rosesn

"...I've taken my dh's speeding points and I know of others who have done the same thing and nothing happened. I know it's illegal but he was going to be banned and it would of been really hard on the family if he was banned..."

So you committed a crime for your husband, because the extreme hardship to you/your children if your husband were banned from driving didn't matter enough to him to motivate him not to speed? And/or committed multiple other traffic offences, given that he was at the point where he would have lost his licence after the most recent traffic offence to which you refer?

"...I also know a lot of people who have been banned for 6 months and even 8 year and driven everyday of their ban and didn't get caught!..."

Sounds like you keep delightful company.

Santaclarita · 14/02/2019 06:08

So you're an idiot who can't be bothered to fill out a form addressed to you and gave it to your husband who is stupid enough to not realise the difference between 30 and 35. On more than one occasion.

With that kind of combined idiocy its a wonder you haven't been caught before. It will serve you both right if you are and maybe teach you how to use your damn brains. And maybe teach your moron of a husband he isn't above the law and can't speed every where.

bellinisurge · 14/02/2019 06:15

People go to prison for this. He should take his punishment like an adult.

clairedelalune · 14/02/2019 06:33

I don't think it unusual that one person in married couple takes responsibility for dealing with all the paperwork in a house; I know plenty of couples where everything official looking is opened and dealt with by one of them, because in a marriage / partnership you are surely supposed to be trusting of the other person.
However, OP what you are proposing is illegal, not to mention highly immoral, with significant consequences if caught and you don't know what evidence they have.
First find out what he has already done about this. If he ignored the original, fine, complete the form telling them he wss driving. If he replied contact and say mistake made, location hadnt originally registered with you, 2nd look you have realised him.
From his reaction to your phone call etc and his attitude to you and the situation I would be packing my bags anyway, but then again l have a very low threshold for living with crap (one of the reasons I have chosen to remain partnerless).
Whatever you do, don't pevert the course of justice.

MarieG10 · 14/02/2019 07:03

What he has done is attempting to pervert the course of justice. If you now do nothing you are aiding and abetting him. Extremely serious offence. In addition to you both potentially getting a prison sentence (and these are routinely given) you both have a conviction. Try getting a job after that!

Get it sorted now!

FinallyHere · 14/02/2019 07:08

Another vote for reading up on Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce, both ended up in jail

My advice would be to not shop him for filling in the form , since it is your responsibility. You could contact them now to say that you assumed you were the driver, didn't check and just returned the form.

Now the invitation to the course has popped up, you mentioned it to him and you have together realised he was driving.

Ask them what to do.

If you can't find a phone number go to a police station. They will help and yes it really is as serious as that. You need to take this step yourself, so you get another chance to fill in the original form saying who was the driver.

All the best.

FinallyHere · 14/02/2019 07:13

If he ignored the original,

You have to actively ask for the course, the default is pleading not guilty and going to court. He must have returned the form asking to do the speed awareness course.

sashh · 14/02/2019 07:15

Do not do this.

You can go to prison and so can he.

He just doesn't care about you does he? His work is more important than you going to prison.

They usually have pictures of the car so unless you look like is twin he will be found out.

bellinisurge · 14/02/2019 07:25

As with so many legal situations, it's the cover up, not the crime itself, that will get you into DEEP shit.

LoniceraJaponica · 14/02/2019 07:31

I am struggling to understand why anyone thinks that committing a crime that is easily found out and would result in a prison sentence is OK.

JacquesHammer · 14/02/2019 07:33

Is there a signature required on the original form? If so has he forged your signature?!

OddCat · 14/02/2019 07:35

He is the one speeding so he needs to do the speed awareness course. If he was sentenced for murder , for example, would you serve his time in prison? Of course not .

You will make this worse and get into deep shit if you try to fiddle this.

TheRhythmlessMan · 14/02/2019 07:47

Everyone can I just ask... although I've never done this and I know it's illegal etc, I'm just curious : how do they tell if you've pretended it's someone else driving? Do they have a crystal clear photo of you? I see how they might tell between male/female drivers but how do they actually know it's you?do they compare it to the photo on your drivers license?

ABingThing · 14/02/2019 07:49

@TinklyLittleLaugh your post reminded me that, when I was the young driver in your scenario, DM filled in the form by return post to ensure they knew I was driving and not her, before issuing an almighty bollocking that night. No pfbitis there, but in fairness it got the lesson home very effectively - I still feel chastened 20 years later Blush

Autumnchill · 14/02/2019 07:50

For those asking how can she be offered a speed awareness course if she already has points, it can and does happen.

I'm a Fleet Manager and deal with notice of intended prosecutions and have several drivers that have points then take a course as the different Police authorities don't talk! I used to have a driver that had done courses in North Yorkshire, Cumbria and Humberside.

I've also been made aware of an ex-employee paying £1000 to a colleague to take his points.

OP you're in a difficult position but you really need to start doing your own paperwork and take a look at his controlling behaviour and I would seriously consider ringing and playing the 'OMG I really screwed up and realised I had the dates wrong' card. Carrying on down the road you're on, if discovered will carry a much larger penalty.

Autumnchill · 14/02/2019 07:53

@TheRhythmlessMan yes the photos are very clear

SeeYouLaterUserData · 14/02/2019 08:01

In some other countries you get sent the photo of driver in car at point of offence, along with the notice.

No risk of corrupting justice there and must save them a few bob in prison admin costs.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 14/02/2019 08:09

I won’t add to what others have said about the stupidity and criminality of going to the speed awareness course.

Some of your statements stand out though OP.
DP shouting down the phone at you like a banshee.
DP doing your post
DP believing his time is more important than yours.

None of the above are normal within a loving partnership. Your DP doesn’t respect you. Is this behaviour you want to model to your children?

The relationships board here has good advice and wise posters who have been where you are OP. Perhaps take a look Flowers

AnneElliott · 14/02/2019 08:13

Don't do it op. Both of you could end up in prison.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/02/2019 08:21

You could contact them now to say that you assumed you were the driver, didn't check and just returned the form

That possibly seems like the most appropriate response. You need to stop taking points for him NOW and he needs to go on the speed awareness course for everyone's sake, because it sounds like he bloody needs it.

I assume that his Very Important Job gives him at least the statutory minimum 28 days annual leave? He can one of his days leave to go on the course.

Every time I see someone blatantly speeding on camera-ed motorway sections, I wonder how they get away with it and seem oblivious. As well as the man who was recently convicted of using a signal jammer, I expect that a good few of them are foisting their numerous points onto their wives, mothers, colleagues etc Angry.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 14/02/2019 08:25

Rosesn

You need to seriously raise your standards and start mixing with some higher quality human beings. If you don’t, then everybody will assume you condone their behaviour and you’re just as bad as them. That won’t help you in life.

rainbowbash · 14/02/2019 08:37

OP, do you actually real letters that are addressed to you? DP got caught speeding in my car - the letter made it very clear that the registered keeper has to return it

Didn't you sign the form or put DH also your signature down. Given your absolutely naive responses to this thread (telling them you cannot remember who drove among other things), I have no doubt that you will take his points. I hope you get found out because your behaviour enabled people to keep speeding when they shouldn't be driving after all!

You are no better than your DH!

Fattymcfaterson · 14/02/2019 09:20

Just phone them and say you made a mistake filling out the form, no need for all this drama.

Also most places do speed awareness courses on a Saturday 😁