Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 11 12

Original poster

To take blame for dp’s speeding

277 replies

Wrinklyturtle · 13/02/2019 21:09

So basically had a letter through today. The car is in my name and a while back I received a letter for speeding in another part of the country - I gave it to DP to sort as I knew, as did he, that it was him driving. He sorts all the bills, car stuff etc. usually.

Fast forward to today and I’ve received a summons to attend a speed awareness course. I rang and told him in rather miffed tone that I’d received it and he’d better sort it out as it was him driving. His response was basically “oh you know it’s much better for you to take it, I can’t because of work”. I am a sahm.
He has done this before and I took points on my licence for him.

It’s more his attitude than anything it’s like “my time is much more important than yours - you are sat at home all day”. No apology or anything, it’s just expected that il suck it up.

He also chastised me for calling him at work and shouting down the phone (I didn’t shout I raised my voice cos I was miffed at his response). He said I sound like a banshee shouting down the phone in the office.
Does anyone else just take shit like this for the sake of the family?

OP posts:

diddl · 13/02/2019 22:22

Also of course Op-he needs to do the course as he is the habitual speeder.

AlpacaLypse · 13/02/2019 22:22

*If he even had any points... he did have 3 about eight years ago. They've expired now.

Skittlesss · 13/02/2019 22:24

I would call them up and explain what you have told us. You have to put you and your children first. He sounds like a controlling arsehole. It’s not normal for someone to hand over such a letter to their husband for them to “sort”. It was written to you, therefore you should have responded. Whether you chose to hand it over because you couldn’t be bothered to or because he controls everything is another matter. I suspect, from what you’ve said, he keeps you on a tight leash.

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 22:24

It's a criminal offence. You could end up in prison.

Fairenuff · 13/02/2019 22:24

Did he forge your signature on the form?

Handprints2018 · 13/02/2019 22:25

Call them up, tell them your husband was driving. He sounds arrogant and unpleasant.

JudgeRindersMinder · 13/02/2019 22:29

*You’re all right that I should’ve filled it in myself. I thought he would just pay the fine or whatever.

I think I’m going to tell him he needs to contact them and say we’ve made a mistake - that it could’ve been him or me driving and we’re not sure?*

Fucking hell can’t you take responsibility for a bit of paperwork?The original letter came to YOU, but you didn’t take responsibility, and that’s what’s landed you in this mess! If the driver can’t be identified, then the keeper of the car takes the rap, so it’s a win/win for your husband isn’t it🙄

GabsAlot · 13/02/2019 22:31

you k now its illegal but he might lose his license?

tell him to stop fucking sppeding then!

youre both going to lie now and risk prison over this-really

Sakura7 · 13/02/2019 22:34

OP why is the car registered in your name if you hardly ever drive it? Was this also your husband's idea?

RedHelenB · 13/02/2019 22:34

As the letter same to you , you should have sent it back confirming who was the driver of the car.

Auslander · 13/02/2019 22:35

OP. Listen carefully to what you're being told here. Your husband is treating you like an idiot in expecting you to do this. Does he care so little for you and the kids that he would be happy to see you go to prison? Come on, surely even you must see this.

@Rosesn. I can't tell you how delighted I am to know that there are complete nobbers driving on the roads with no licence or insurance. You do know that not having a licence for any reason invalidates insurance I presume.
If only I'd have known that I can drive my car without the expense of pesky bits of paper. Everyday is a school day hey.

MiniMum97 · 13/02/2019 22:38

I would get done legal advice before doing anything. You or he has filled in a legal document incorrectly saying you were driving. That is a criminal offence and usually ignorance is not a defence.

Bryjam · 13/02/2019 22:39

You do know that not having a licence for any reason invalidates insurance I presume.

No. No it does not. When you take out insurance it is against the car. Then you add the drivers. If one loses a license you need to notify insurance but it is not an automatic 'invalidation' of the policy.

Lolkittens5 · 13/02/2019 22:41

@Bryjam that’s not true.

It’s always against the policy holder not the car.

BrokenWing · 13/02/2019 22:45

We're you going to take the points and let him pay the fine again and are just pissed off because you need to do the course instead?

The letter required your signature why did you give it to him?

I think I’m going to tell him he needs to contact them and say we’ve made a mistake - that it could’ve been him or me driving and we’re not sure?

There is no "we", they won't be interested taking to him, you are the legal owner of the car and you (as far as they know) have taken responsibility for speeding. It is your legal responsibility alone to confirm who was driving your car. It is you that will need to call them and tell them it wasn't you driving, the forms are clear and not easy to "make a mistake" . He really has dropped you in the shit. I would be beyond fumming.

Your, because it is you that needs to do something now, options are to 1) phone them and tell them your dp lied on the forms and let him take the consequences for speeding and illegally filling in the forms, or 2) risk being caught conspiring with him to illegally take his speeding offence/course.

Not much of a choice he's left you!

Bryjam · 13/02/2019 22:45

Ok what I was trying to say was the policy is not 'invalid' just because one of the named drivers gets a ban. The policyholder takes insurance out against the car, not themselves. They are insured to drive the car, as are other names drivers.

Knittedfairies · 13/02/2019 22:46

He wouldn't be driving my car ever again.

Lolkittens5 · 13/02/2019 22:48

@Bryjam

Ahh ok, yeah as long as the insurance is adjusted it’s not necessarily invalidated or uninsurable.

MitziK · 13/02/2019 22:50

Taking a slightly different direction here,

Wouldn't fraudulently filling in a form incriminating his partner to the extent that she could lose her licence or being faced with a custodial sentence fall under the category of Coercive Control? All he has to do is speed a few times (which he obviously does) and name the OP and she's unable to drive/get insurance/can't take a job that requires driving. Or knock somebody over and kill them, but blames her so she goes to prison.

Skittlesss · 13/02/2019 22:54

Mitzi, I’m not sure. I think so, but it needs to be more than just this one form to prove the offence. That’s why I suggested she call them and tell them what she’s told us... but then she needs to be prepared for the “fall out”. Not an easy choice and I think legal advice is the best way forward.

Al2O3 · 13/02/2019 22:55

You won't be a SAHM when you are picking up litter wearing a Community Service jacket on the verges of the A34 this summer.

Skittlesss · 13/02/2019 22:56

The coercive control offence... not the driving.

AgentJohnson · 13/02/2019 22:56

This is ridiculous. Your H is a dishonest twat and you still keep expecting him to be different. You accepting points on your license on his behalf in the past l, set a precedent and that is you should assume responsibility for his poor behaviour and dishonesty.

There’s no we, he forged your signature. Either start accepting the reality of his lazy and dishonest behaviour and act accordingly or wait around for the next time when he throws you under the bus.

If you don’t want to be treated like a doormat, then you first need to stop acting like one.

Interceptor999 · 13/02/2019 22:57

It's against the law to do what he suggested, let him take the rap for it and stand up for yourself.

Kummerspeck · 13/02/2019 23:01

I think I’m going to tell him he needs to contact them and say we’ve made a mistake - that it could’ve been him or me driving and we’re not sure?
You are lying again if you say you can't remember who was driving.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 ··· 11 12