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Original poster

To take blame for dp’s speeding

277 replies

Wrinklyturtle · 13/02/2019 21:09

So basically had a letter through today. The car is in my name and a while back I received a letter for speeding in another part of the country - I gave it to DP to sort as I knew, as did he, that it was him driving. He sorts all the bills, car stuff etc. usually.

Fast forward to today and I’ve received a summons to attend a speed awareness course. I rang and told him in rather miffed tone that I’d received it and he’d better sort it out as it was him driving. His response was basically “oh you know it’s much better for you to take it, I can’t because of work”. I am a sahm.
He has done this before and I took points on my licence for him.

It’s more his attitude than anything it’s like “my time is much more important than yours - you are sat at home all day”. No apology or anything, it’s just expected that il suck it up.

He also chastised me for calling him at work and shouting down the phone (I didn’t shout I raised my voice cos I was miffed at his response). He said I sound like a banshee shouting down the phone in the office.
Does anyone else just take shit like this for the sake of the family?

OP posts:
TriciaH87 · 14/02/2019 13:28

Phone them yourself and tell them he was driving. Tell them to blow up the image to confirm it. You should never have took points the first time now he thinks he can do it again. If he does it few more times you could find your self without a licence as for his work he should of thought about it before he was speeding. I suggest you do not allow him to drive your car again if he cannot take responsibility.

Belenus · 14/02/2019 13:29

What all of these holier-than-thou people, including yourself, don’t seem to realize is that you are all one step away from one or other major moral dilemma.

We all encounter moral dilemmas every day, of some sort or another. I can guarantee to you that i never have and never will condone somebody's illegal driving. The OP's DH is risking people's lives.

And the rate of road deaths in France is almost twice that of the UK. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_traffic-related_death_rate That's despite the population being less dense and therefore there being more room on the roads.

You can accuse others of pearl clutching all you like but it's turning a blind eye to things like this that makes roads so dangerous.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 13:31

Phone them yourself and tell them he was driving. Tell them to blow up the image to confirm it.

That's admitting a criminal offence on the OPs part.

SaturdayNext · 14/02/2019 13:33

For info, from the Leics Police website:

‘We have got a speeding ticket for our car but we cannot remember who was driving?

What's the relevance of that, Makingmammaries? OP knows exactly who was driving.

FinallyHere · 14/02/2019 13:38

For OP's partner to do the speeding course, they need to go back to the form confirming who was driving at that time. I think it would be possible to do this, at a police station if there were no other contacts available.

It would be possible to explain or rather admit that you had filled out the form in error

If you go with the explanation that he filled it in and forged the signature, then you both will get done, you because it's your responsibility and him because he must have forged your signature.

It would be a nonsense to suggest he does the course instead of you , you need to turn up with your driving licence and ID

Anyone concerned about photographic evidence: The evidence certainly is available if needed. It is only inspected or provided if you plead not guilty and go to court. The process of speeding fines is largely automated for anyone pleading guilty.

@Wrinklyturtle This may just be the tip of a rather unpleasant ice berg for you. Whatever you decide about the course , I would encourage you to have a look at the freedom programme. https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

SaturdayNext · 14/02/2019 13:39

If it’s fine in one Western European country, why is it such a massive moral issue in another?

The French no doubt have their own reasons for their laws. But it's not difficult to work out why we view it as a moral issue here. Firstly, speeding is potentially very dangerous, and if it is possible for drivers to slide out of responsibility there will be little or no deterrent. It's particularly serious if a dangerous driver is left on the road in circumstances where his points total would otherwise rightly result in disqualification.

Secondly, what we are talking about here is also perjury, which certainly isn't condoned in France, and the moral issues there are, I would have thought, obvious.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 13:41

The OP has passed the point at which they can escape any penalty for their actions. They either continue with the charade and hope the SAC administration process doesn't spot a mismatch with any evidence from the original offence, or they admit they did not complete the original form (one offence) and allowed their DP to return it with false information (another offence).

Given the regularity with which this must happen, and the reports of people being convicted of it, I'd be wondering if the SAC trainers have any part in looking out for dodgy behaviour on the course ?

Bryjam · 14/02/2019 13:41

That's admitting a criminal offence on the OPs part

Not really. All OP has to do is confirm she did not send the form back, and she was not driving.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 13:43

Not really. All OP has to do is confirm she did not send the form back, and she was not driving.

The thing is by failing to return the form, they have committed an offence. It must be completed by the RK. To not do so is in itself an offence.

llangennith · 14/02/2019 13:43

Agree with the general sentiment on this thread but one thing I'd like to add is that if you allow your DH to open all your mail, consider yourself so stupid and worthless that he has to deal with 'everything', then you are a doormat.

Bryjam · 14/02/2019 13:45

The thing is by failing to return the form, they have committed an offence. It must be completed by the RK. To not do so is in itself an offence.

We are all capable of realising OP can say she did not fill it in because she did not see it though?

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 13:48

We are all capable of realising OP can say she did not fill it in because she did not see it though?

What a tangled web ...

In that case the DP is going down, and it will be the OPs role to give evidence against them. Someone has to pay.

Bryjam · 14/02/2019 13:50

In that case the DP is going down, and it will be the OPs role to give evidence against them.

Indeed

Someone has to pay.

Well since it was him who caused it, seems fair for him to be the person to 'pay'

Ultimately not being a passive doormat for the DH in the first place would have avoided this ridiculous situation. But I wouldn't go any further protecting such a twat.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 13:56

Ultimately not being a passive doormat for the DH in the first place would have avoided this ridiculous situation. But I wouldn't go any further protecting such a twat.

No argument there.

derxa · 14/02/2019 14:00

I've done two speed awareness courses. I don't think you're eligible for them if you've had previous penalty points.

sashh · 14/02/2019 14:26

As a means of putting things into perspective for the pearl-clutches, it does however have some relevance.

No it doesn't. Here it is a BIG DEAL and the OP could end up in prison, it happens, it happened last week.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/fiona-onasanya-prison-sentence-labour-party-peterborough-a8757731.html

makingmammaries · 14/02/2019 14:41

Exceeding the speed limit is a contributory factor in, wait for it, 5 per cent of UK accidents, according to the RAC. Whereas not looking properly, which applies to quite a few people on this thread, is the leading cause. But hey, just keep on telling the OP to get her DP sent down. I’m sure that would be the best solution for her family.

makingmammaries · 14/02/2019 14:42

The OP hasn’t signed anything, and can anyone prove that she knew she was not driving?

FinallyHere · 14/02/2019 14:46

@derxa

I've done two speed awareness courses. I don't think you're eligible for them if you've had previous penalty points.

Drivers are only offered the option to attend a speed awareness course if their licence is current and clean of unelapsed penalty points.

Penalty points are considered elapsed after three years, though they stay in the licence for a further year. Once they have elapsed, you are eligible for another speed awareness course.

Anyone can check anyone's licence if they have the relevant identifiers https://www.gov.uk/view-driving-licence

dartitus · 14/02/2019 14:55

Just to let you know the drivers awareness course is the most boring thing ever, make him go as punishment for trying to swing the points on to you - he really won’t speed again!

Ellie56 · 14/02/2019 15:39

The drivers awareness course certainly makes you think. The knob who carries on speeding should be the one going, not you.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/02/2019 15:42

makingmammaries

I actually agree that a slightly speeding driver who is watching the road properly is properly safer than someone who is complying with the speed limit and not watching properly, perhaps because they are fixated on their speedo, but that doesn't change the fact that, in the UK, there is a fairly strict system of speed control, with cameras everywhere that the authorities use to catch drivers who break the speed limit.

It is also illegal to take points for other drivers, and this is dealt with very harshly, with prison sentences for those convicted.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 15:51

Exceeding the speed limit is a contributory factor in, wait for it, 5 per cent of UK accidents

The actuaries at my last employers were emphatic that speeding is marker for more dangerous driving behaviour. Hence it's impact on premiums.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 15:56

The OP hasn’t signed anything, and can anyone prove that she knew she was not driving?

Irrelevant in UK law - as Registered Keeper the onus is them to respond truthfully when the NIP is received. I believe French law is different, but not being a lawyer in either, or indeed any jurisdiction, I wouldn't charge for advice Grin

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/02/2019 16:00

The OP hasn’t signed anything, and can anyone prove that she knew she was not driving

They might be able to prove she was somewhere else at the time, for example using her mobile phone or bank records.

My eyes were opened to the efforts that the police and insurance companies will go to for evidence in motoring offences after I witnessed an accident, where it turned out that one of the parties had lied about his address and occupation.

You might think 'well how would they know' but it seems that they can, and will find out.