First date with lovely man.... but then I got this?

[wolfgirl11]

Hi all
I've been on a few online dating sites for a couple of years on and off. Last week I met someone I really clicked with. Spent 6 hours together -big connection (& lots of booze)
Messaging lots since & both commenting how good it was. Then last night he sent this;
'And I know I've only just met you but you're THE most amazing person. I meet a lot of people. You're special. Very'
I suggested that considering we only met once that's a pretty big thing to say.
He said 'I have a big heart'
I'm thinking big red flag. What would you think if you received that after one date?

Not a red flag but I'd worry about being put up on a pedestal that could really hurt to fall down from.

Are you dating my ex? He did the same thing to me when we met back in October and was very clear that he thought I was special and that the relationship was going somewhere important. He continued like this for 3 months and then started to cool off.

Two weeks ago he ended the relationship by text, telling me that 'he couldn't give me what I was looking for'.

Of course, your guy may be an absolute darling and you may have a long and happy life together. I would say go for a second date and see where it leads to, but be a little bit wary of 'love bombing', as other posters have said.

hes put quite definitive statements there.... and my honest reaction to 'you're special' would be ' who gave you the right to decide that and why do you assume that it's a compliment to me that YOU think I'm special?'

Oh gosh, yes! That's actually what's a bit off about this. I had a hard time putting my finger on it. I once met a guy who kept telling me "you're such an intelligent girl". It sounded so fucking patronising and it's not just the content of the comment, it was also that he made himself judge and jury over who could be considered intelligent. This is a bit like that. (Unless he's just not very good at expressing himself, which is of course another possibility!)

Definitely need a second date

The thing is, a lot of the people who feel the need to make statements like "I have a big heart" actually turn out not to be so. Think of people you know who are truly kind, who really do have big hearts. Have they ever announced that..?

I think you're right to be cautious. If you want to see how it goes, fine, but definitely watch out for needy or possessive behaviours, and above everything else, don't be afraid to cut it off if something feels not right, you feel scared of him, or there are major warning signs. It is scarily similar to something I've been through "I wear my heart on my sleeve" etc. PLEASE TRUST YOUR GUT!!

I am SO up and down .... but need to keep reminding myself that I've only been on one date! This time last week we hadn't even met!
The big thing for me is I haven't clicked with anyone in years in the way that we did on our date and we chatted until 2am.
When I got those texts mid-week I was a bit like FFS! Don't ruin things !!!!!
He presented as quite humble and a brilliant listener in person.
In those texts he sounds like a dick!

You don't have to marry him next week, try another date and see what happens. Have you got any other hopefuls lined up or is it just him at the moment? Maybe have a date with another for comparison .

you're such an intelligent girl
Ew, @RoboticSealpup ! That one comment tells you so much!

I wouldn't read too much into it. My dh and I started talking on the phone before we met.... I thought he was amazing even then.

On our first date he was so proud of his thighs he got me to squeeze one... still makes me chuckle now. He told me he loved me after our 3rd date.... must admit I told him i wasn't ready to respond in kind. My heart said yes, my head said that I had been hurt before so be wary.... roll on 5 years, married with 19 month old and thinking about number 2.

Be on your guard but don't dismiss him. I hope you have a nice 2nd date. If you are not ready to talk about things going that far then be honest with him. If he is any kind of man and likes you as much as he says then he will respect your feelings and go a bit slower.

Am I missing something? I don't understand how his texts make him sound like a bit of a dick at all

I said this right at the start of the thread, but I'll say it again. For me, your response to his original message is the odd and overly-intense one. He's just given an enthusiastic but fairly generic compliment after a date that you admit went well, and your rather serious response sounds more as if he'd declared his love after meeting you once.

To me, that explains the lame 'I have a big heart' -- he's a bit taken aback by your reply, trying to take things back to a more normal level by saying he's an affectionate kind of person, and make it plain he's not about to propose on date two!

Met someone from online, he also seemed quite keen and full on . 20 years later - still together.

I have a big heart would worry me

Indeed, a.k.a. idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy, can be very serious.

. Nurse here who thought exactly the same thing!

oh ffs not grin not gin!

Yes same here. Met dh at a party we spent every day together from that day 23 years ago!

After your post today OP I've decided you're over thinking this and a bit of a drama queen. No guy stands a chance really! He's best off out!

So are you going out with him tonight? Try not to over analyse. If you haven’t clicked with someone like this in a while then try to go in there as if you’re meeting a good friend rather than having all your defences up. Good luck.

@PrickWhittington
Gin isn't the best treatment for an enlarged heart, surely?

It would be off-putting, yes. Cliched shite! “Big heart” - bleugh!

But perhaps not off putting enough to refuse a second date. Would drink much less and make it much shorter!

I think I’m on the weirdo side here. He should just like an ex I had who was into all that negging stuff and making someone think you like them then pulling back, then mild insulting, then complimenting but always being generally weird. To me I would take that text as a bit patrionising.

@LuckyLou7

Possibly not, but it could stop people worrying about it

He didn't just come out with the "big heart" he had to find a response to the op.
The first text on its own was just a bit keen but not obviously worrying. The second text was a bit odder but wouldn't have been sent if the op hadn't responded the way she did.

How was the 2nd date op?

Hopw the second date went well OP!