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Original poster

First date with lovely man.... but then I got this?

174 replies

wolfgirl11 · 13/02/2019 09:12

Hi all
I've been on a few online dating sites for a couple of years on and off. Last week I met someone I really clicked with. Spent 6 hours together -big connection (& lots of booze)
Messaging lots since & both commenting how good it was. Then last night he sent this;
'And I know I've only just met you but you're THE most amazing person. I meet a lot of people. You're special. Very'
I suggested that considering we only met once that's a pretty big thing to say.
He said 'I have a big heart'
I'm thinking big red flag. What would you think if you received that after one date?

OP posts:
Friedspamfritters · 13/02/2019 11:10

He sounds to be enthusiastic, but then so do you in your description of him. I don't think he necessarily sounds any more full on than you do. I would interpret this as saying he felt you really clicked which you seem to agree with.

JellyBaby666 · 13/02/2019 11:14

I'd see him again, less booze, and see what happens. Nothing to lose!

My DP and I clicked on our first date, and I knew by the second he was the one. However, I can appreciate that I'm only saying that because it worked out!

Catamaran1 · 13/02/2019 11:18

I don't see the problem. He's sounding as keen as you do

Catamaran1 · 13/02/2019 11:20

Your reply might put him off as he might feel a bit put down by you after saying he was keen.

tenredthings · 13/02/2019 11:23

Maybe he'd just drunk a lot of booze again before sending it. I'd be more worried about his drinking !

Mmmmbrekkie · 13/02/2019 11:24

Not a red flag

But totally and utterly unappealing

joystir59 · 13/02/2019 11:29

My wife of 7 years proposed by text before we even went on a date. For her it was love at first sight. I took longer to catch up, but we knew each other as colleagues for about a year before

PBo83 · 13/02/2019 11:29

I'd be more worried about his drinking !

Based on the assumption that, because he came across enthusiastic in his message, he must have been drunk?

OP said they both had a lot to drink on the first date (nothing wrong with that at all) but to suddenly conclude that he may have a drinking problem is nonsense.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 13/02/2019 11:30

I agree with the posters saying you should give him another chance. A few more dates at least. Some men ARE very affectionate and a bit full-on.

I mean, we see so many women complaining that their man is distant, not touchy-feely, doesn't compliment them, etc etc, then when a man IS a bit 'tactile' they still complain.

Men just can't win can they?!

Mmmmbrekkie · 13/02/2019 11:32

My wife of 7 years proposed by text before we even went on a date. For her it was love at first sight. I took longer to catch up, but we knew each other as colleagues for about a year before

I mean, this does sound a little odd tbh

PBo83 · 13/02/2019 11:32

Men just can't win can they?!

We can with the right woman, I was the over-enthusiastic one and, luckily for me, my now-wife loved it. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones :)

nothinglikeadame · 13/02/2019 11:41

I was going to offer some advice, but I've been distracted by all the OTT relationship bragging in this thread .

Damntheman · 13/02/2019 11:41

My husband was like this :) Said I love you after two days, we got engaged after essentially two dates (we were in different countries at the time, I moved shortly after we got engaged) and 3 weeks together. It's been over 12 years now and we'll be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary this summer. It's not always a big red flag.

If it makes you uneasy then take it slow, if he's not okay with that then he's not right for you.

CantstandmLMs · 13/02/2019 11:41

My ex was very full on like this from the start. A big red flag early on was when he said someone along the lines of "when I fall in love I REALLY fall in love" despite saying I was THE one...should of realised then that he just liked the start of a relationship really shouldn't i? 3 years later he had found somebody else 🙄

ButtMuncher · 13/02/2019 11:44

I'd say it was sweet, but be wary of love bombing. What's his dating history like? Does he have a string of short to moderate relationships? Or a long term marriage with kids? That usually picks apart whether they are used to saying what you want to hear. He's not explicitly said he loves you, or that you're the one etc - just that your special. Which of course, after one long date, particularly if you've had a course of crap ones, can feel like a revelation when you click.

That said, my DH had one long relationship, seemed to be stable and love bombed the shit out of me. And we're now splitting up.

championquartz · 13/02/2019 11:45

Ah I hate this men can't do right stuff. We all know that's not true, and they are given lots of slack and there's quite a chasm between no words and all the words.

This man IS ott. That's not to say he's not lovely etc etc but it is OTT to profess undying love when you can't possibly know someone. And yes, it may work out and it might work but he cannot possibly know this after one drunken date.

What I dislike most about this man's text is the 'you're special. Very'
I find it uncomfortable.

But as I said in a previous post, have a sober date and see. Your gut will tell you.

NameChanger22 · 13/02/2019 11:50

He might be alright. He'd annoy me, but some people like that kind of thing.

NunoGoncalves · 13/02/2019 11:51

Ah I hate this men can't do right stuff

Yeah and gender is really irrelevant here anyway. If the genders were reversed, people would be saying the same thing. A woman texting this to a man after ONE date would also be seen as OTT.

LuckyLou7 · 13/02/2019 11:58

My immediate reaction was that he is love-bombing you. He doesn't know the real you, not after 6 drunken hours. He's not necessarily a narcissist or a predator but the fact you found the text creepy rather than charming says a lot. Listen to your gut instinct and tread carefully.

gotanysalmonsortedhahahahaha · 13/02/2019 12:01

Well my dh was like this from day one .25 yrs together..give him a chance.your obviously alert for anything untoward,so give him another chance x

lerrimknowyouretheyir · 13/02/2019 12:03

Have you responded?

letsdolunch321 · 13/02/2019 12:06

Arrange another date and see how it goes.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 13/02/2019 12:17

My husband told me he loved me on our first date. I dumped him. I'd had enough of men who declared endless love at the drop of a hat and then turned out to be tossers. A week later I changed my mind and we got married 6 months after that. We've been married 25 years.

So it might be fine, but you will probably find out more quickly if you ask him to back off/slow down a bit and see how he reacts to that.

Usernamed · 13/02/2019 12:24

I don't think you are misreading this - it does seem a bit needy or over the top after one date. It sounds like 'love bombing'. Look at some videos on YouTube about Narcissists love bombing in the early stages of a relationship.

I wouldn't necessarily rule him out based on this, but it would make me wary. Try not responding to him immediately by text - wait half a day or respond the next day (we are not all attached to our phones). Also, if you meet again, leave gaps between meet-ups - say once a week. This is not unreasonable and quite healthy. See how he copes with that (if you are interested in him).

An intense person who wants to rush things or has low-self esteem may show their true colours if made to wait a little - see if he becomes more needy/annoyed. A well-balanced person would just assume you are a normal, busy person and not think anything of it.

ginpink · 13/02/2019 12:30

I think your being harsh. From what you've said it just sounds like he really likes you.

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