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Original poster

First date with lovely man.... but then I got this?

174 replies

wolfgirl11 · 13/02/2019 09:12

Hi all
I've been on a few online dating sites for a couple of years on and off. Last week I met someone I really clicked with. Spent 6 hours together -big connection (& lots of booze)
Messaging lots since & both commenting how good it was. Then last night he sent this;
'And I know I've only just met you but you're THE most amazing person. I meet a lot of people. You're special. Very'
I suggested that considering we only met once that's a pretty big thing to say.
He said 'I have a big heart'
I'm thinking big red flag. What would you think if you received that after one date?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 13/02/2019 09:59

I was a bit shocked and a tad concerned at how quickly DH told me he ‘could be falling in love with me’ I think it was 3rd date, we were both pissed.
We’ve been married for over20 years so I’m glad I didn’t run for the hills.

Dvg · 13/02/2019 09:59

i think it depends me and my now husband told eachother we were completely in love with eachother after like 4 days of online dating and webcamming/ talking :D .... we now live together an have 2 children, been dating 4 years so not completely crazy.

I just felt like he was the one i was waiting for, i did have my doubts but when we met in real life it was magical and i knew that we just had that connection for real

EatingElephantsIsCF · 13/02/2019 10:00

Go on another date. Do not drink so much . Texting is difficult . Sometimes do not get the right tone.

Margot33 · 13/02/2019 10:00

I think it's okay. Text messages can be misunderstood in terms of the tone and intentions. Just give him a few more dates and see how you feel.

ID81241 · 13/02/2019 10:01

What's wrong with someone expressing how they feel? That's what I found really refreshing about my husband who said I love you then tried to pretend he hadn't said it on our second date. He doesn't play any games and is just really straightforward- 5 years later still the same.

I think on its own this isn't a red flag. It could be a potential one in combination with other things which you'll only find out if you give him a chance.

ravenmum · 13/02/2019 10:04

I'd just feel pleased about the first message, myself; I'd interpret it just as "We really clicked". "I have a big heart" would be far too schmalzy for my liking but if we'd got on in person I'd wait and see what else he had up his sleeve.

championquartz · 13/02/2019 10:06

It would make me feel extremely uncomfortable. But you can see how it goes. I think I'd see him again. On a sober date with my eyes wide open.

LittlePaintBox · 13/02/2019 10:10

This happened to my sister once - who did a lot of online dating for a while. He was going to move to her town, wanted to meet her family etc.

Then she saw he'd flagged himself as 'looking' on the site where they'd met - now THAT was a red flag!

SpanielEars070 · 13/02/2019 10:10

Meet him again, but stay sober so your radar is working properly.

NunoGoncalves · 13/02/2019 10:10

It's very OTT, but you did say you had a really strong connection and lots of alcohol, so I think it would be a bit mean to instantly end things based solely on that! If it was me I'd see him again and see how it goes. But if he continued like that, I'd end it before it got too serious.

Belenus · 13/02/2019 10:16

Sounds very sweet to me. Men can't win. If he had played it cool and not texted you back you would probably be saying he was a bastard but (quietly) running after him but he texts you a nice reply and you have this reaction. Apparently nice guys finish last...

There are so many, many responses in between no reply, and multiple over the top replies. There's no need to create a false dichotomy and then claim men can't win. I'm currently dating someone who, after the first date, just said "that was fun, I'd like to meet up again, would you?" I know these situations can be difficult, but there is a way of sounding enthusiastic without sounding as if you might be love-bombing.

OP I would go on a second date, stay sober, see how it goes.

winniestone37 · 13/02/2019 10:17

I think you need to relax. My other half was a total wally, messaged too much, was full on, intense and a bit embarrassing. we muddled on through and he relaxed. 12 years later and we love eachother passionately. It hasn't always been plain sailing but we've grown together and support eachother. I suspect that reaction is more to do with a reluctance to commit/ let yourself be treated well. I think you should explore that. Hey he might be bonkers but the truth is you can't tell from that text. Drink less, meet again and accept someone can be different to you and might not be a loon.

PBo83 · 13/02/2019 10:19

I think you need to relax. My other half was a total wally, messaged too much, was full on, intense and a bit embarrassing

Sounds like me when I first met my wife! :)

finn1020 · 13/02/2019 10:22

I don’t think that’s a big deal or red flag. Some people are a bit different in texts than f2f. However it sounds a bit full on for me, and It’s a bit of an over the top thing to say when you’ve just had one drunken evening in conversation, but that doesn’t mean he actually IS full on as I find people get caught up in the moment early on, and what they project isn’t always how they are because, people can almost be a bigger version of themselves than they really are ... yeah I’m not explaining this well I know. Basically you don’t know what he’s like yet and he doesn’t know you.

You could give it time, a few weeks, a few months. BUT if you are thinking big red flag - it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks if you’re not comfortable with it - don’t see him again.

Myheartbelongsto · 13/02/2019 10:24

When I met my boyfriend we were stuck together for days. He's the most amazing man and I wish I could clone him. Go with your gut op

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 13/02/2019 10:29

Maybe big heart is a euphemism?

RussellSprout · 13/02/2019 10:36

I don't think the intense too soon thing is definitely always a red flag. I met OP at a party, the following weekend we spent the whole together and by the end of it had decided he was moving up to live near me.

2 kids and 10 years later we're still going strong.

So, he could just be getting excited as he's really fallen for you. But yeah, things are fragile in the early days so don't believe the hype too soon.

LimitIsUp · 13/02/2019 10:40

Its a bit OTT. Arrange one more date and see how it goes?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/02/2019 10:41

Bit OTT but I wouldnt write someone off if you otherwise had a good time and a connection. Just be on guard for signs of neediness ....good luck OP

HollowTalk · 13/02/2019 10:45

I'd go on a number of different types of dates which don't involve alcohol and see how you both feel then.

MRex · 13/02/2019 10:49

I'd probably reply that he needs to watch his cholesterol levels in that case, so he must order the salad when he takes me to dinner.

Relax and take things slowly. On our first date (second meeting as we meet in a club) we were quite drunk 7 hours in and I told him not to call me for another date unless he was serious about a long term relationship. I've no idea what possessed me -no I do, it was strawberry daiquiris-, but anyway it was all fine and I'm not that much of a lunatic.

SerenDippitty · 13/02/2019 10:52

I wouldn't write him off just yet but OTOH quite a few women in abusive relationships were initially swept off their feet by a romantic charmer. So be wary.

greybluegeometry · 13/02/2019 11:02

Are you dating Trump?

Grin

Now I totally can't read his text without hearing it is Trump's voice!

Well observed Utterlyunimaginativeusername

NannyRed · 13/02/2019 11:02

I’m going to disagree with the majority and say don’t worry about this too much. My husband of five years said almost the same to me when we first met.

Obviously be aware, he could end up being clingy, weird or controlling but for now take it one step at a time and see where things go. You obviously got on really well first time of meeting, don’t be too hasty to blow him out for one poorly worded/time message.

SauvignonMum · 13/02/2019 11:06

I think it's so sweet, so honest.

Isn't it better than people who play those childish games, e.g. not texting back for 24 hours 🙄

Anyway, he admitted that you'd only just met, so at least he was acknowledging that it might be a little premature

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