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Original poster

First date with lovely man.... but then I got this?

174 replies

wolfgirl11 · 13/02/2019 09:12

Hi all
I've been on a few online dating sites for a couple of years on and off. Last week I met someone I really clicked with. Spent 6 hours together -big connection (& lots of booze)
Messaging lots since & both commenting how good it was. Then last night he sent this;
'And I know I've only just met you but you're THE most amazing person. I meet a lot of people. You're special. Very'
I suggested that considering we only met once that's a pretty big thing to say.
He said 'I have a big heart'
I'm thinking big red flag. What would you think if you received that after one date?

OP posts:
talktoo · 13/02/2019 09:30

Moved in The first week we met, engaged within the first month. 3 Dc and 26 years later... sometimes it is just like that. Look at the whole picture. See how it goes.

Crazyfrog007 · 13/02/2019 09:31

Oh ffs. Damned if they do. Damned if they don't.

My other half did something similar after our first date- sent a rather gushing text about how fab he thought I was (why, thank you!)

Still together 5.5 years later and he really is lovely. And still thinks I'm fab too.

Give the guy a chance.

blueshoes · 13/02/2019 09:32

Some people are more gushing than others. Keep under review and enjoy the ride.

Do you have concerns about your twatdar?

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 13/02/2019 09:33

I think getting the right tone on texts isn't always easy and things get mixed up in translation.
I have a friend who's first date with a guy resulted in him telling her she was going to be his wife. She went home and cried.
Now they have been for married 15 years.
Not necessarily your story...but it could be. Keep an open mind.

Bouchie · 13/02/2019 09:34

My Dad proposed to my Mum after 2 weeks. They are still happily married 49 years later.

bluetheskyis · 13/02/2019 09:34

DW and I said I love you on the weekend we met! 18!years ago... i’d Say give him a chance? Sounds like you’ve connected and he’s being sweet/flirty/ excited??

HowlsMovingBungalow · 13/02/2019 09:34

I'd have sober date next time and take it from there.

bluetheskyis · 13/02/2019 09:35

I’ll second those saying have a more sober meet up next time!

PBo83 · 13/02/2019 09:36

You said in your post that you had a great connection and that you clicked. He is basically saying exactly that back to you. It seems a bit intense but maybe he's just wearing his heart on his sleeve.

The "I've got a big heart" bit is a little strange but blokes have a tendency to say weird stuff (that they think, wrongly, women will like) when they think they've found a connection with someone.

Definitely don't ditch him because of this, I'm guessing he's just keen. Go on a second date and see how it pans out.

CookPassBabtridge · 13/02/2019 09:37

I don't think it's a red flag, he's just being honest and doing the opposite of playing it cool/playing games. You got on so well so I would definitely go on more dates to see if the feeling lasts.

winsinbin · 13/02/2019 09:39

I agree with the pink paper napkin (a phrase I am going to steal and pretend I invented - sorry KC225). He could be an over dramatic nut job with a girl in every port but OTOH he just might be ‘the one’. See him again and listen to your gut.

WonderTweek · 13/02/2019 09:40

I thought it sounded quite sweet. If someone tried to play it cool I would think they're not interested because I'm not good with subtle clues. 😂 Nothing wrong with being enthusiastic if it is genuine. I'd give him a chance and see him again and see how it goes.

My husband was full on from day 1 and even then I was like "uhhhh does this guy like me?" because low self esteem and just being dim. But we pretty much moved in after two weeks, and 11 years and 1 child later we're still happy as pigs in poo. 😊

JennieLee · 13/02/2019 09:41

Well you don't really know each other after a date when you're both on your best behaviour - even if booze is involved.

So I'd want a sober next date. And I'd want to make it clear that though I'd enjoyed myself - and had a good evening - that as far as I'm concerned these things are better taken gradually.

And if he can't agree to that and respect that, it's a red flag. If I he says, of course - whatever works for you is fine by me, then you go ahead...

Gruzinkerbell1 · 13/02/2019 09:41

I think you're reading too much into it. It was a compliment.

JacquesHammer · 13/02/2019 09:41

There’s so many levels between “red flag” and “playing it cool”.

What happened to “had a great time tonight”.

But yeah, very intense. If the night was particularly boozy, I might give him another chance sober.

Lweji · 13/02/2019 09:46

Indeed, a.k.a. idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy, can be very serious.

Has he been in America (continent)? It could be Chagas' Disease. Wink

More seriously, I'd consider it pink too.

See how he treats you and that doesn't put you on a pedestal while slagging off everyone else.

deadliftgirl · 13/02/2019 09:46

My husband told me he loved me after 1 date! At the time I saw this as a red flag like you have here in your current situation. However, my husband is foreign and I soon realised thats just his culture and he wasn't trying to freak me out. We are happily married now and I just laugh about it.

Just because he said this does not mean you need to say something back, he might just be happy to meet someone he can connect with. I would not read to much into it as you seem happy with this man so far. Just take it slow and do not ditch him because a good man told you are amazing.

Procrastination4 · 13/02/2019 09:50

Thank goodness texting wasn’t a thing when I was dating-it’s too easy to send messages open to different interpretations. Give him a chance-you said he was lovely and that you clicked. The face to face interaction is FAR more meaningful and true than texting will ever be. Look at the number of people who get on great while texting, only to be disappointed when they go out on a date.
For what it’s worth, I knew my husband was the one for me after six weeks. We got married eighteen months after meeting and will have been married for 30years this summer. Give him a chance!

Bluelady · 13/02/2019 09:51

It's not a red flag. How refreshing that someone is actually prepared to lay themselves on the line.

AnoukSpirit · 13/02/2019 09:51

For all the posters on here telling us how their partner of 75 years was just like this from the first five minutes there will be just as many women who ended up being raped and abused by a love bombing man.

"It worked out great for us" or "it destroyed my life" from a random sample of over-invested strangers is not the best decision making model. But I think this would be:

So I'd want a sober next date. And I'd want to make it clear that though I'd enjoyed myself - and had a good evening - that as far as I'm concerned these things are better taken gradually.

And if he can't agree to that and respect that, it's a red flag. If I he says, of course - whatever works for you is fine by me, then you go ahead...

MargoLovebutter · 13/02/2019 09:53

I online date and I would see this as a very rosy pink napkin.

I can see that there are lots of people who've had good experiences along these lines, which is great, but my experience last year would suggest otherwise.

I dated a man for 5 or so months & he did exactly this. Expressed very strong feelings for me very early on - when he clearly didn't know me. You cannot think someone is that special after one date of 6 hours - you just can't. It is a fantasy of them that you think is special. Now for some people that fantasy comes good and they stay together - as we can see in all the positive posts here, but for others the fantasy does not come good and there are bad motivations at play.

This guy love-bombed the hell out of me, telling me he was big-hearted and wore it on his sleeve etc, but underneath he was severely dysfunctional and not a good person. It took me longer than I would have liked to discover this because I was so distracted and enjoyed the love-bombing so much.

Keep your wits about you OP. Have a second date, ask some challenging questions and see how things go. REMEMBER words mean nothing if they are not backed up by the right actions.

MancaroniCheese · 13/02/2019 09:55

I guess he used 'big heart' in banter-esque response to your 'big thing to say' and better than him saying "I have a big dick'" Hmm which is what some blokes may have said.

Give it another go and see how it pans out. After our first date DP said he was de-regestering from all dating sites as he wanted to give it a real go between us (he did de-reg, I checked Grin)

stayathomer · 13/02/2019 09:56

Aside from whether it's worrying or not, I'd say if it worries you you're not on the same page and is bow out

Wild123 · 13/02/2019 09:57

Yes me and my DP were very like this when we first got together. I told him i was going to marry him on our second date. Although our feelings were intense we took things slow and gave eachother space. 2.5 year later we are engaged and planning to marry next year.

I wouldn't see it as an immediate red flag but keep and open mind and take things slow and at a pace you are happy with. If he respects that have more fun getting to know eachother and date.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 13/02/2019 09:57

Are you dating Trump?

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