AIBU: Teenage friend put on the sex offenders list for 'pantsing' someone at school

[Neonata]

Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed. The boy then escalated this and the friend has now been isolated for a day, then excluded for a day and also put on the sex offenders list!!

AIBU to think this is a massive over reaction by the school?? He is a lovely boy who is usually really well behaved and generally high achieving academically.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

hazell42 not there aren't. Very few underage boys get done for have sex with their underage girlfriends. Unless the girlfriend is very young. Or they have taken photos and shown their mates, or assaulted their girlfriends.

And no one is on it for mooning. It's doesn't happen

I know several young men who were sexting with their girlfriends of the same age

This isn't Minority Report, a random copper doesn't swoop in the second the text is sent. A complaint has to be lodged and a charge made. If a 15yo boy is sending round naked pictures of his girlfriend (which is more likely what they'd actually be doing) too right he should be on the register

Mooberry Neonata
“I dread to think what sort of judgement my DS's friend may go on to experience if he does indeed stay on a sex offenders register for doing what he did. ”

The reason we are all so frustrated is that we keep telling you: it is not possible to have been put on the SOR without police involvement and in the extrmely short timeframe you are talking about.

He is not on the SOR.

Unless he has been convicted at court he is not in the sex offenders register.

You are playing Chinese whispers. The information is wrong.

I think this is a case of Chinese whispers. The most likely explanation was one someone suggested a few pages up - that the LEA keeps a centralised list of potentially sexually motivated incidents, and this list is what the OP’s son’s friend is on. If such a list exists, it is much more likely to be used internally to track incident levels and isolate any persistent problems with particular pupils or schools. It’s not something that would be publicly available or shared with employers in the future.

OP - I think you can rest easy in your bed about such a list ruining this boy’s life. If it genuinely was a prank that went badly wrong, maybe this will scare some sense into him and he’ll think twice in future before doing something so stupid.

Also, you’re making a fool of yourself by using terms like ‘braying mob’ and claiming everyone is being ‘nasty’ to you. All that’s happened is that people have disagreed with you and are getting frustrated at your failure to listen to obvious reason. And if you’re really concerned about people being ‘nasty’, think how nasty it will be for the poor lad who will spend the rest of his schooldays being known as ‘that kid who got pantsed and everyone saw his cock’. Had you shown even the most basic level of sympathy for him, you might not have got the reception you’ve had.

All this concern for the perpetrators, @mcmooberry - but none for the victims - people like my son.

Such fragile children, I wonder what kind of adults they will become.
A childhood without teasing sounds frankly miserable.
Never having to stand up for yourself and shrug something minor off, sad really really sad.

A childhood without teasing sounds frankly miserable

In that case @budgetneeded I'll ask you what others have failed to answer - if a colleague pulled your trousers and knickers down in front of the staff in your workplace presumably you'd be pleased?

I for one am pleased we treat kids better these days and don't have the expectation that misery on school is inevitable

I’m not sure having your genitals exposed counts as ‘teasing’.

WTAF, @budgetneeded?? A childhood without being teased is miserable - what a load of utter crap.

I was teased - bullied - from age 10 until I went to Sixth Form college, and it gave me no pleasure whatsoever - quite the contrary, in fact. I was having suicidal thoughts by the time I was 14! I suppose you think I was too bloody fragile - you’d agree with my mum that it was all my fault.

Dear God, I hope no child who depends on you for support is ever the victim of bullying - they will get no help at all!

To be honest, your post sounds more like the sort of thing a bully, or former bully, would,say to justify their actions, than anything that anyone with any decency would say.

i was teased, I knew it was unpleasant, therefore I didn’t tease or I made sure the teasing was in the right spirit.
I’ve had my bra strap undone, sanitary pads taped to my chair all those goofy things.
It part of growing up.
It’s learning how to eventually navigate the adult world.

budgetneeded you're the person that is sad, bet you were the bully who never experienced teasing otherwise you wouldn't be posting that crap.
Hope someone pulls down your knickers and exposes your genitals to all and sundry then you'll know how it feels and maybe you'd get called snowflake if you're very lucky

Yeah right. My work colleagues are always undoing my underwear and sticking embarrassing things to my chair

@budgetneeded so if someone exposed your genitals to the entire office/workplace you'd laugh it off as 'goofy', no?

I've asked a few people this question why is no one answering?

Picking up on the OP describing how nice and gentle the boy who committed this humiliating deed is - this is how bullies operate. They are manipulative and nice to everyone else except the person they are picking on.

No matter how nice they seem, if someone can commit such a horrible act it says a lot about them.

Because it would reveal their double standards, I suspect, @GunpowderGelatine.

I’ve had my bra strap undone, sanitary pads taped to my chair all those goofy things.
It part of growing up.
It’s learning how to eventually navigate the adult world.

Nobody does this in the adult world.

And no adult with any decency minimises bullying, as @budgetneeded has.

Neonata:
The ‘braying mob’ are reacting to the fact (FACT) that you have:
-Worried far more about the boy who did this than the boy it was done to

• not given any interpretation of this event than to call it a ‘prank’ with a jokey name
• made no reference to why it might have been escalated
• gone on about the loveliness and kindness of the boy who did it, despite the fact that this is irrelevant to the action (teen boys of all personalities do appalling things)
• Taken no motive whatsoever of well informed posters telling you this boy is not, at the time he spoke to your Ds, on the SOR
• taken on board only comments by people who have said the act was minimal and agree with you
• act like a victim (why post in AIBU!) of braying mob while showing no empathy or concern for victim if ‘prank’

There is no ‘braying mob’ , just people not agreeing that YANBU.

YABVVU

What you all fail to recognise is that these are children. They make mistakes. Over step the mark. Do inappropriate things. Don't understand the consequences.

It is very wrong to pull pants down. The child has learned and I hope severely reprimanded. But he can do this and be genuinely a good person.

I have the utmost sympathy for the victim don't get me wrong. But this is NOT the same as a so or the same thing being done in an office.

Teenagers don't always think through the consequences of their actions.

Could it actually be a safeguarding list and they got crossed wires?

its part of growing up
It’s learning how to eventually navigate the adult world

No it really isn't, bullying and being humiliated is not part of growing up and it certainly isn't how you "learn to be an adult." To think that shows how screwed up you must be.

So a young man pulls down the pants of another young man as a joke, exposing him.
Its sad that you're minimising this incident OP. It was CLEARLY embarrassing and humiliating for him.

You seem more concerned at the 'over'reaction to your sons friend, rather than showing concern for the victim. I hope the young lad who was on the tail end of this horrid joke is okay.

I think you must understand this could have been your boy, and imagine if he came home upset to hell that this had happened to him. I dont think you'd be so flippant.

Dont take your sons word for it. He's minimising because the perpetrator was his friend. Dont fall for it OP.