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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU: Teenage friend put on the sex offenders list for 'pantsing' someone at school

369 replies

Neonata · 11/02/2019 22:55

Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed. The boy then escalated this and the friend has now been isolated for a day, then excluded for a day and also put on the sex offenders list!!

AIBU to think this is a massive over reaction by the school?? He is a lovely boy who is usually really well behaved and generally high achieving academically.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 12/02/2019 17:12

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I do! But I’m a counsellor which I do think effects the way my brain works. I don’t see people as good / bad or black / white. I’ve made mistakes in my life and I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I still think I’m a good person 🤷🏻‍♀️.

My son is 12 too and on the one hand it makes my blood boil to think of this and on the other I can see a boy getting carried away and making a massive mistake and regretting it / not meaning it. A spur of the moment act of madness. I’m so sorry for your son, awful.

TeddybearBaby · 12/02/2019 17:14

@Boysandbuses I’m not him so have no idea what his intentions are / were.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 17:15

I do! But I’m a counsellor which I do think effects the way my brain works. I don’t see people as good / bad or black / white. I’ve made mistakes in my life and I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I still think I’m a good person

No it doesn't make your Brain different.

What was this boys intention. His intention was to cause embarssment. So therefore he did mean to hurt someone.

I would hope, being a counsellor you would understand that.

PortiaCastis · 12/02/2019 17:16

If a girls knickers were pulled down all hell would break loose so why do some folk think it's ok and funny to pull a boy's pants down, how would you like it....answer is no you wouldnt

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 17:18

I’m not him so have no idea what his intentions are / were.

Explains situation where the person who did this could have genuinely thought he wasn't causing harm and upset.

You don't need to be him

Original poster
Neonata · 12/02/2019 17:37

Walk away @TeddybearBaby, I've gathered a
braying mob!

OP posts:
Grumpelstilskin · 12/02/2019 17:37

Good grief! Now we have a self-professed counsellor minimising serious bullying and sexual harrassement.

TeddybearBaby · 12/02/2019 17:40

@Neonata 😂. Good god now I’m minimising sexual harassment. I’m walking away 👍🏼

LagunaBubbles · 12/02/2019 17:42

Well if being disgusted at bullying behaviour and the support you seem to have for him OP makes me part of a "baying mob" so be it. You on the other hand disgust me.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 17:43

Walk away@TeddybearBaby, I've gathered abraying mob!

No you have a group of people that recognise that

1, You or your son or both are talking bullshit and no one is on the sex offenders register or list or whatever you change it to next

2, that humiliating someone is not the act of a kind and thoughtful person

3, that what this boy did, was designed to humiliate another person

LagunaBubbles · 12/02/2019 17:43

And yes if a girl had her knickers pulled down and her genitals exposed to fellow teenagers then I think some people would see it different.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 17:44

TeddybearBaby Yes you are.

As a victim of rape and sexual assault, I hope no victims turns to you for help.

Grumpelstilskin · 12/02/2019 17:45

Lovely! A supposed counsellor with the emotional intelligence of a gnat. Please familiarise yourself with the definition of sexual harrassement and find a job better suited for you. Something that does not involve anyone vulnerable.

FenceFirst · 12/02/2019 17:49

I do! But I’m a counsellor which I do think effects the way my brain works

I seriously doubt a person who doesn't know the difference between effect and affect is any kind of counsellor Hmm.

Pinchycrab · 12/02/2019 17:52

When I was in primary school a girl in my class pulled my skirt down in the playground, showing my knickers. I just pulled it up and don't think i even told anyone. I was pretty shocked though. It was very random, I wasn't being bullied or anything, think she was just larking about. Not saying this is the same though!

HiHoToffee · 12/02/2019 17:54

Was your ds one of the baying mob in the changing room who thought his friends act was hilarious?

Deathgrip · 12/02/2019 18:05

I’m sure he is a very kind and intelligent boy.

And that poor Brock Turner was such a good swimmer. It’s just not fair is it?

🙄

mcmooberry · 12/02/2019 18:41

I can't get over the responses on here, a bit of silliness went too far, the intention was never to have the boy expose his genitals (which I agree is dreadful) and it has now been made into something it never was. Hope the OP's friend's son has a resilient personality and plenty of real life support, I really do.
My ex's school friend who killed himself post the mooning incident did something totally out of character and to suggest he was a sex pest in the making is absurd, I think the fact that he couldn't live with the shame of it indicates how he felt about it.

Boysandbuses · 12/02/2019 18:45

the intention was never to have the boy expose his genitals (which I agree is dreadful) and it has now been made into something it never was

Are you the boy? We're you there? The ops son isn't a untrustworthy source given he is wrong about the SOR.

And I am sorry. I don't believe for one second that someone was placed on the SOR for a one off incident of showing his arse.

Change a are it was worse than he said, the girls were clearly underage, or he has exposed himself before .

GunpowderGelatine · 12/02/2019 18:47

No one is placed on the sex offenders register for mooning. Hell, even actual sex offenders get away with not going on. Your ex or his friend lied to you.

GunpowderGelatine · 12/02/2019 18:48

So @mcmooberry if you were at work and someone did this and exposed your genitals 'by accident' I'm assuming you'd just shrug it off?

hazell42 · 12/02/2019 18:50

There are loads of people like this in the SO reg.
People think it's for rapists and paedophiles but I know several young men who were sexting with their girlfriends of the same age, and someone who was done for mooning. Wouldn't have even been in trouble for that when I was young

Skittlesss · 12/02/2019 18:51

A young man sexting his girlfriend who is the same age will not be put on the SOR. That’s bullshit.

LagunaBubbles · 12/02/2019 18:52

Hope the OP's friend's son has a resilient personality and plenty of real life support, I really do

I wonder if the victim who was humiliated has a "resilient" personality to. I'm sure the bully will be just fine.

NannyRed · 12/02/2019 18:54

that was fast. A werk to go from exposing someone’s private parts to the sex offenders register? It is so fast it almost sounds like bull crap.

⬆️Just this.

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