AIBU: Teenage friend put on the sex offenders list for 'pantsing' someone at school

[Neonata]

Last week one of my 15YO DS's closest friends pulled a classmate's gym shorts down in the changing rooms as a prank and unfortunately his pants also came down and he was momentarily exposed. The boy then escalated this and the friend has now been isolated for a day, then excluded for a day and also put on the sex offenders list!!

AIBU to think this is a massive over reaction by the school?? He is a lovely boy who is usually really well behaved and generally high achieving academically.

I'm wondering that this will demonise him so much that he will start thinking he is actually a bad person and it will be enough to send him down the wrong path.

It's just my DS said last night "You know he's ended up on the same list as XXXXX" (the boy from the other school who filmed and shared a sex act).

You don’t think that there is any possibility at all that your son has got the wrong end of the stick?!

And why do some posters think I'm a troll

Because we can't believe your attitude

Wow. This is all getting a bit mob-like to me now.

What because everyone is telling you the same thing and you still are the only one that shares your opinion?

Assuming your son has the story more or less right, the boy is likely on a school register of sex offenses. This lets the school track incidents and highlights repeat offenders. There will be similar registers for racist and homophobic abuse. As there should be.

School wouldn’t be able to put a child on the sex offenders register

A days isolations and a days exclusion sounds like an entirely reasonable punishment to be honest. Doesn’t matter if he’s a good kid, what he did was humiliating for the child, and not appropriate. Prank or not it needs punishing.

If someone said ‘the earth is flat. My son and his friends say it’s flat and some of their parents think it’s flat, too’ and lots of people replied saying-‘no, it’s not flat-your son has got it wrong’, that wouldn’t be mob-like. It would just mean you and your son were wrong.

Maybe the school carry out a risk assessment for unacceptable and threatening behaviour and pupils names are kept on a list in case there are further similar incidents.

@Neonata - this happened to ds2 when he was 13 - someone 'pantsed' him during a PE lesson outdoors. Having seen how upset he was - and how relieved he was when the school took it very seriously - I think you are hugely minimising the impact this could have on the victim.

A ' well behaved and highly academically achieving' boy should know better than to do something this unpleasant to anyone - in some ways, he has less excuse for such bullying behaviour than other children might (not that there is ever an excuse for bullying or victimising another person).

In ds2's case, the boy in question was bollocked by the PE teacher, and sent to the deputy Head, who put him in internal exclusion. She then took the unusual step of ringing me to tell me what had happened, and what sanctions had been put in place to deal with the incident - she knew how upsetting the incident was, for ds2, and that I would be upset too, and that we both deserved to know that the incident had been properly dealt with.

Please stop minimising what this boy did. It was nasty, and he deserves everything he got!

well behaved and highly academically achieving' boy

So was Ted Bundy

OP just to let you know this post is now on Twitter on mumsnet madness

Just to be clear, the words "he's been put on a sex offenders register" have been used by parents with regard to the earlier, more serious offender as well as by my DS with regard to his friend.

I think the reason some posters thought I was a troll is because they've mistaken my politeness for goading, as they're so unused to it!

Of course I don't mind being disagreed with - loads of you have made really good points that I hadn't thought of. But so many of you have been so nasty with it. I guess I communicate online the same way as I do IRL. I don't need an 'outlet' to be mean.

Jesus H Christ, OP!

Please read the links I added a page or so ago!

And stop with all the PA shite they've mistaken my politeness for goading, as they're so unused to it! is utterly unecessary!. WHat has actually happened is that you have posted aweirdly naive thread in AIBU and are being told YES YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE

Many posters, myself included, have tried to give you some information, so you can work out the truth behind this odd happening. Your response seems to be to stick your fingers in your ears, close your eyes and shout "lalalalala"

And as for being mean. You really ARE BEING VERY MEAN! To your sone, who is being taught to accept all sorts of bullshit that could lead him to being thought of a a tad naive.

That and you are allowing your son to discuss legal issues without any factual basis. If he does tha in school, anywhere outside the house, you could find a policeman on your doorstep!

You need to listen and then THINK.... good luck!

🐪

It's nothing to do with 'being polite', you have continued to defend and minimise what this lad did and given absolutely no consideration to the victim or the impact it may have had.

My question, that you refuse to answer, is would you tell your own DS that it was 'only a prank' and that the perpetrator 'is not a bully and a nice academic lad'?

This didn't happen. How awkward...

For the record though - you don't pull someone's pants down like that. It's not ok and there should be repercussions.

I think the reason some posters thought I was a troll is because they've mistaken my politeness for goading

😂😂😂😂😂 you're so right, it's not because it's nigh on impossible or anything

Sounds OTT.

Just to be clear, the words "he's been put on a sex offenders register" have been used by parents with regard to the earlier, more serious offender as well as by my DS with regard to his friend.

Oh, well it must be 100% true then.

OP, you said

According to my DS "he's been put on the same register as XXXX who filmed himself with XXXX".

You quoted your ds as using the word register and it being the same one XXXX is on.

Now you say he said 'list'.

Either you are gullible and your teenage son runs rings round you, because you believe everything he says.

Or you are as bad as your teenage son and making shit up and adding your own bits into the story.

I don't need an 'outlet' to be mean.

Considering that you don't think what your son's friend did was mean, forgive me if I don't believe you.

Oh dear OP. You aren't very good at this, are you?

Sorry-wrong thread!