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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU “you can’t block a room off to kids”?

175 replies

Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 11:21

Was at MIL’s yesterday and she has just had a new carpet fitted. SIL and BIL were also over and brought their three boys with them who were playing with colouring pens and some paint crayon thingies that they’d brought with them so MIL said she would close the living room door and block it off to the kids.
SIL found this very funny and said she couldn’t block a room off to kids unless she was going to lock it as they would just go in there anyway.
MIL asked the boys nicely to stay out of the living room with the pens and paints and they seemed quite happy to, but SIL kept cutting over and saying honestly you can’t stop them, they’ll forget in a minute and just wander in there you’ll have to get a lock.

Boys are 9,8 and 6.

AIBU to think you absolutely can block off a room if you choose and that the parents should take responsibility for stopping them going in there?

OP posts:

Unfinishedkitchen · 11/02/2019 19:47

By the way when I said DD and her mates aren’t allowed in my bedroom I meant when the mates are there. DDs allowed in there sans friends!

macblank · 11/02/2019 19:52

Absolutely.

SIL should take responsibility and control HER kids.

The MIL is definitely right to not want kids on her new carpet, especially with colouring pens etc.

I may be considered old fashioned, but you're the parent, and kids should be the responsibility of the parent. The adult should also set boundaries, so when a rule is set, it's followed. I don't believe in... I said so. I believe it's ok to tell a child why, but also that the child should then do as it's told, and face the consequences, should they disobey.

I believe the problems we have with unruly children, is due to parents not following through on punishment, giving in after saying no. If you say... Behave or no McDonalds, then follow it through.

It drives me nuts on the bus when you hear... Sit down or else, sit down or else ... Repeat whole bus journey... WTF no wonder your kid doesn't listen to you, you made this problem yourself.... No wonder when a teacher then says, behave or... The kid just carries on, cos it hasn't been taught consequences. It's the main reason I do t watch soaps, cos they teach, no matter how bad or wrong you are, there's no actions/consequences to their behaviour.

jwpetal · 11/02/2019 20:04

I have an open plan downstairs. My children and guests always stay in the kitchen area with food. Calmly explain that 2 of my children have food allergies and we keep food in this space and ensure hands etc are washed after eating. I have never had an issue.

DangermousesSidekick · 11/02/2019 20:06

I'm old enough to remember that years ago people kept a 'parlour', a special front room that no one was allowed in, ever. I remember peeking around the door at my grandma's, in her normal 2.5 bed house - that was naughty enough for us, never mind taking paints in! Of course you can keep kids out.

TakenForSlanted · 11/02/2019 20:14

When we were very little (moved away from there when I was 6), the house we lived in had a workshop with a very dodgy floor that had broken through right down to the cellar underneath (think ancient rural farm house). We were strictly forbidden from entering that workshop even though we'd play in the adjoining one, and both our parents were very serious and extremely stern about this.

I remember entering once on a dare. This literally meant standing on the forbidden side of the threshold for a few seconds and coming right back out again, heart pounding.

I was NOT a well behaved kid and my sister may as well have been the devil's spawn.

So, yes, you can.

F1llUpTh3Car · 11/02/2019 21:24

I grew up in a house, where the lounge was the "best/adult" room. The door was kept closed. We were only allowed in that room when accompanied by an adult and we had to be on our best behaviour at all times.
The TV was operated by the adults only
The coal fire was lit in the evenings in the winter

TortoiseLettuce · 11/02/2019 21:42

I wouldn’t have permitted paint or pens in my house tbh. And definitely not glitter! They’d have been told to put it back in the car. As for not following my rules - well then they had best put themselves back in the car too.

hibyjenobwee · 11/02/2019 21:51

Sorry but my 6 month old puppy knows he can't go in the kitchen so he waits at the door.

Your SIL is a complete weirdo, if I took my DC to someone else's house I a) wouldn't let them have pens in the first place and b) would make sure they respected other people's belongings (which includes being respectful of new decor/furniture that people have most probably paid a lot of money for.)

Running riot with pens on a new carpet is not something I'd try and force my host to let my kids do.

ThePants999 · 11/02/2019 21:51

We have some unlocked filing cabinets at toddler eye level. And a toddler (2.5yo). We have made it very clear to said toddler that he is not to open the filing cabinets. He hasn't so much as looked at them in the last year.

If your SIL can't get 6, 8 and 9-year-olds to stay out of a room, it's for lack of trying.

Vulpine · 11/02/2019 21:55

Oh come on a house is for living in not for looking at

Yb23487643 · 11/02/2019 22:05

SIL is a knob!!!!! Can totally block a room off to kids! Especially if parents there to enforce

honeybeetheoneandonly · 12/02/2019 00:53

I might be misinterpreting the situation but where was the family at the time? Did MIL block the room off, so nobody would go in or was everyone sitting in the living room and were the children welcome to join the family without the pens or were they not allowed from entering the room no matter what?
Because depending on the answer I might be with your SIL on this.

Original poster

Aberforthsgoat · 12/02/2019 08:22

@honeybeetheoneandonly everyone was sitting in the kitchen
It’s a big kitchen with a kind of small open plan cosy sitting area with sofas etc so we were all in there and the kids were at the table with their craft stuff

OP posts:

Vulpine · 12/02/2019 08:24

I live in a lovely house. You and your kids are welcome in any room.

Racheyg · 12/02/2019 08:28

I don't allow my kids in the living room with pens and paint and I don't even have a nice new carpet.

I'm with your mil op.

Housemum · 12/02/2019 08:31

I am going to sound ancient here but I despair for the current and future kids. I’m glad we live in an age where we respect children rather than forcing them to do things, and we listen if they raise concerns. But somehow the common sense approach has gone missing and in an effort to safeguard kids it’s become “let the creative little flowers do what they like”. No - understand that not all kids are he same, but any child without learning difficulties should be able to be taught boundaries from a young age. Simple rules of doing as you are told, with the proviso that adults shouldn’t make you keep secrets and your body is private.
When I was infant school age my Nan had a cleaning job. In school holidays I had to go with her - I took a book or doll with me and had to sit on the sofa until she’d finished. I wouldn’t have dared to move, I knew I wasn’t allowed to go round the house.

I blame McDonalds! I’m sure things started to go wrong when kids expected a toy with every meal...

Lweji · 12/02/2019 08:36

I blame McDonalds!

This is a new one! Prepare yourself for the legal battle.

Ellyess · 12/02/2019 16:35

Aberforthsgoat Of course you can! My first career was teaching Infants. They knew if they were not allowed to open certain doors or go in particular rooms!
It's attitudes of parents like this SIL that raise the kind of anti-social badly behaved children who are such a problem and becoming more of a problem year by year. You tell them nicely not to go in that room. If they forget, you remind them firmly. Forget again? A sanction - naughty step / time-out to remember the room is out of bounds. It's quite simply learning about respecting others.

Ellyess · 12/02/2019 16:42

hibyjenobwee
Sorry but my 6 month old puppy knows he can't go in the kitchen so he waits at the door.
and
Running riot with pens on a new carpet is not something I'd try and force my host to let my kids do
I love you!
Why aren't all parents like you?

Bignosenobum · 12/02/2019 16:52

jwpetal exactly

Racecardriver · 12/02/2019 16:54

I thought you were going to say they were all toddlers or something. Hell, even toddlers will stay out when told to.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 12/02/2019 22:36

Ah thanks. In that case your SIL is a loon.
Besides, with everyone sitting in the kitchen, there was no incentive for the kids to go anywhere else anyway.

queenqueenqueen · 12/02/2019 23:04

Sil sounds like an annoying CF

Humboles · 14/02/2019 15:16

If your SIL doesn't train her kids in respect and consideration for others and the law, people will dread them turning up at the door. Gutless, ineffective parenting is a crime against the child. Kids need cuddles and inspiration; but also assertive, consistent discipline, boundaries ("keep out of the guest room") and leading by good example. Aggression, or futile shouting, are no-noes, as is threatening a punishment but not following through. Small wonder knife crime among the young is at an all-time high, when many teens have never been taught self-control early on.

outpinked · 14/02/2019 15:31

Definitely can and they aren’t toddlers so will understand the instruction not to go in that room.

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