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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU “you can’t block a room off to kids”?

175 replies

Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 11:21

Was at MIL’s yesterday and she has just had a new carpet fitted. SIL and BIL were also over and brought their three boys with them who were playing with colouring pens and some paint crayon thingies that they’d brought with them so MIL said she would close the living room door and block it off to the kids.
SIL found this very funny and said she couldn’t block a room off to kids unless she was going to lock it as they would just go in there anyway.
MIL asked the boys nicely to stay out of the living room with the pens and paints and they seemed quite happy to, but SIL kept cutting over and saying honestly you can’t stop them, they’ll forget in a minute and just wander in there you’ll have to get a lock.

Boys are 9,8 and 6.

AIBU to think you absolutely can block off a room if you choose and that the parents should take responsibility for stopping them going in there?

OP posts:

Underhisi · 10/02/2019 11:43

Apart from a few extreme exceptions of course you can block off a room to children. It can be more difficult with some children with sn which means you may have to avoid going to some houses/ places but for the average child it is not a problem.

IncrediblySadToo · 10/02/2019 11:44

Your SIL is batshit.

Lots of houses have rooms that children aren’t allowed free run of. Perfectly normal.

Kahlua4me · 10/02/2019 11:46

Of course you can block a room off, your sil is being ridiculous for saying you can’t. Lack of parenting there!

My dc were always told that pens, paints etc had to be in the kitchen and nowhere else. Kids are quite able to comprehend and obey rules if they are set.

Birdsgottafly · 10/02/2019 11:46

Yes you can, from the age of four, or a bit younger for some children.

You can also apply rules, such as eating/colouring in one place. It helps everyone, Parents are less stressed and children learn boundaries.

My DDs life was being made harder because she struggled with 'rules' for her young children, but it's one part of earlier childhoods that honestly didn't do us any harm.

I see people struggling with children in ways that you just wouldn't have in previous generations and that's without smacking etc it was just consistent teaching and re-enforcing rules.

Underhisi · 10/02/2019 11:48

gamerwidow some children see a blocked off room as a challenge so just watching becomes very difficult but of course they are the extreme.

Bluelady · 10/02/2019 11:51

SiL is an idiot and highly disrespectful in someone else's house.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 10/02/2019 11:53

When my kids were little I had a friend who had a living room that no children were allowed in - including her own. There was a nice big day room off her kitchen filled with toys and if I visited with my children we used that.

The living room that wasn't to be used by children wasn't locked and our children were little - babies and toddlers (met friend through anti natal) but none of the children ever went in there.

user1471426142 · 10/02/2019 11:53

I wouldn’t have taken bloody paints to someone else’s house in the first place so for that alone your SIL was being unreasonable.

jarhead123 · 10/02/2019 11:54

Who takes paint as an activity to do at someone else house?!

And yes SIL is mental.

Original poster

Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 11:54

@justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld SIL isn’t MIL’s daughter, she’s married to DH’s brother.

Didn’t expect so many replies will catch up properly now.

OP posts:

NutElla5x · 10/02/2019 11:56

I'd block off my whole house to this rude ,disrespectful woman if I was your mother-in-law. How dare she try to tell her what to do in her own home?

WombatChocolate · 10/02/2019 11:59

I agree that you don't take painting stuff to someone else's house, and you especially don't if you don't think you've got full control of the children and their use of it!

It's an example of parents refusing to take responsibility for their children's behaviour and failing to accept that there are acceptable and unacceptable behaviours. SIL would also probably say she can't keep the kids in their seats in a restaurant etc etc.

If this had been my house and SIL had said such things, I'd have asked her to return the painting stuff to the car, if she couldn't ensure that the children wouldn't be able to understand and follow the request not to go into that room.

Poloshot · 10/02/2019 12:00

Of course you can. Particularly at that age you just tell them and they should do as they're told.

Knittedfairies · 10/02/2019 12:03

Your SIL is a nitwit.

Original poster

Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 12:03

@wombatchocolate you’re not wrong. We’ve actually stopped going to restaurants for dinner with them as a family because they just let them get on with whatever and just carry on with their drinks and dinner, ignoring it as if it doesn’t affect them.
The most memorable was when the youngest decided he was a fire truck during a meal and repeatedly screeched a siren noise at the top of his lungs. The entire time. SIL and BIL did nothing, MIL tried to intervene and finally a member of staff came over - even then they didn’t seem phased. doesn’t seem to embarrass them at all.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 12:03

A woman, who has done her child rearing just wants to keep one room in her house nice and not have it trashed by the grandkids. Is your sil always like this?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 12:04

Cross post. Ah she’s one of those and so is your bil. I thought as much. No wonder your mil wants to keep the room child free.

SinkGirl · 10/02/2019 12:06

I have twin 2 year olds with ASD - they wouldn’t understand that they couldn’t go in and if they could reach the door handle and were not fully supervised they’d go in.

Older kids with no additional needs? Of course you can just tell them not to go in!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 10/02/2019 12:07

Wow YANBU. Your SIL and BIL should be embarrassed their children can’t follow basic instruction.

I manage to keep my kids out of the rooms my mum doesn’t want them in, I just tell them not to? How do they stay out of the canteen or staff room at school ?!

80sMum · 10/02/2019 12:13

My great grandmother had a "front parlour" that I was never allowed to venture into. I was 15 when she died.

I'm not sure whether anyone ever used the parlour! It was certainly never used for us when we were visiting. We all had to sit in the "kitchen" (not a kitchen as we know it today, more like a sitting/dining room but called the kitchen. The room where cooking and washing took place was called the scullery).

Waveysnail · 10/02/2019 12:16

I have three with sen and even they know that pens stay on the table.in grannys kitchen and no food in the sittingroom

ThisMustBeMyDream · 10/02/2019 12:16

Tbh, I just wouldn't take my kids to MIL's house. Sounds stressful. Not an enjoyable visit to see Granny. I'd request she visited my house.
Doesn't really matter what others think though. It's between SIL BIL and MIL.

pissedonatrain · 10/02/2019 12:17

Too bad someone doesn't pull them on being shit parents.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 10/02/2019 12:17

I was going to ask what your sil would have said or done if one of her children had gone into the room, but after your last update my guess is laughed and said “boys will be boys” or similar.

GummyGoddess · 10/02/2019 12:20

She should have said if they forget then it's sil's job to keep them out. Sil would probably 'forget' by the sounds of it.

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