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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU “you can’t block a room off to kids”?

175 replies

Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 11:21

Was at MIL’s yesterday and she has just had a new carpet fitted. SIL and BIL were also over and brought their three boys with them who were playing with colouring pens and some paint crayon thingies that they’d brought with them so MIL said she would close the living room door and block it off to the kids.
SIL found this very funny and said she couldn’t block a room off to kids unless she was going to lock it as they would just go in there anyway.
MIL asked the boys nicely to stay out of the living room with the pens and paints and they seemed quite happy to, but SIL kept cutting over and saying honestly you can’t stop them, they’ll forget in a minute and just wander in there you’ll have to get a lock.

Boys are 9,8 and 6.

AIBU to think you absolutely can block off a room if you choose and that the parents should take responsibility for stopping them going in there?

OP posts:
MakeItAmazing · 10/02/2019 13:37

Sounds like your SIL wanted her kids to go in the room and make a mess.

ThatThingYouDo · 10/02/2019 13:40

Absolutely you can block off a room. SIL is being an idiot.

Also, newly laid carpets shouldn't be trodden on for a few days so your mother wasn't being unreasonable either.

MamaLovesMango · 10/02/2019 13:40

You shouldn’t even have to at those ages. A simple ‘the pens don’t come in here. If you want to sit with us you’ll need to leave them in the kitchen’ should suffice with firm reminders if they even try.

TheMammothHunters · 10/02/2019 13:45

Of course. You say to them “please don’t go into the living room today children, for x reason. If you do there will be y unfortunate consequences. “

toomanyofthemnow · 10/02/2019 13:47

Yeah, I bet your SIL would be totally happy for them to rummage in her underwear drawer, or her jewellery box, or play with her sharp knives. Of course you can have places that are 'out of bounds' to kids. She's being an arse.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/02/2019 13:59

Of course you can. My three would have been capable of keeping off the new carpet with their messy toys when instructed from 3ish.

It might be something else is going down with your SIL and MIL about the children feeling welcome or whatever.

But Tbh 3 young kids close in age SIL might just be feeling knackered and overrun and not wanting the hassle in MILs house.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2019 14:03

She's probably best not taking them to any National Trust properties then Grin

SadOtter · 10/02/2019 14:05

Of course you can.

At my mums there is a room DD isn't allowed in (I have 5 teenage siblings, its their games room) and she's not tried letting herself in there since she was about 4, she's 10 now. And that's a room full of computer games and fizzy drinks and exciting stuff, I'm sure 3 boys can manage not to take pens and paints into a living room for 1 day.

Fraying · 10/02/2019 14:07

I think SIL was just making the point that she wasn't going to keep them out of the room so if MIL wanted them to stay out then she had to police it.
YY it is perfectly reasonable to tell DCs they can't go in a room but if it's a room they use all the time then it's not unrealistic that they might forget and wander in so ultimately an adult has to take responsibility.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2019 14:07

Of course you can, and at that age they should learn not to go into that room and respect boundaries. If they are younger, they need to be supervised by to go there. Your sister sounds like one of 'those' parents who let their wonderful offspring do what they want in other people's houses.

riotlady · 10/02/2019 14:09

Of course you can!
My mum hosts a lot of family events and has the upstairs generally off limits to the kids. Either they’re old enough to understand, or they’re too young to be left alone anyway and the adult watching them can stop them.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/02/2019 14:09

Is she one of these women that can’t be told anything? Especially so if it’s from their MIL?

Dimsumlosesum · 10/02/2019 14:12

My 2 year old would forget. Maybe my newly turned 4 year old, because she's v forgetful. My 5 year old would (and does) remember.

Loftyswops988 · 10/02/2019 14:21

Of course you can block certain rooms off for children. On one side of my family we were never allowed in my grandmas bedroom as she kept it pristine/new carpets etc. Your SIL should be teaching her kids that not everywhere is free roam all the time, they will face it all through life. There will be rooms in school that they are not to go in to unless told, same goes with workplaces, shops, trains. It's part of life

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2019 14:25

So this woman takes her DC round to someone else's house with paints and crayons, then argues the toss about being able to access all areas. Are people really that rude?

And if the DC need policing, that's her job.

gamerwidow · 10/02/2019 14:27

I think SIL was just making the point that she wasn't going to keep them out of the room so if MIL wanted them to stay out then she had to police it
Which is incredibly rude. If you take your child to someone’s house then you make sure they follow the house rules. It’s not up to the host to police them.

carrotflinger · 10/02/2019 14:29

Of course you can block off rooms. Absolutely ridiculous to expect to go to someone else's house and mess on with paints and so on anywhere you like.
9,8 and 6 year olds are more than old enough to understand that if they are told not to go into a room then they don't.
I remember growing up as a kid and at least 3 of my friends were NEVER allowed in to their parents' living room. They all had family rooms and the children were allowed in there but other rooms were off limits (these children were from well-off families). When I went round to play we would play in other rooms but we knew not to go into the adults' living room. I found it all very mysterious - but I suppose it meant the adults could have special things in there which might have been at risk of being damaged etc.

If your SIL is not able to prevent her children going into a room when they have been told not to, then she needs to think about how she is bringing the children up before they become teenagers...

headinhands · 10/02/2019 14:44

If it wasn't for SIL's Mumsnet would be a ghost town.

ShaggyRug · 10/02/2019 15:20

Your SIL is one of those parents who thinks her little darlings shouldn’t have rules.

Of course you can tell children to stay out of a room without locking it. DD has been banned from the spare room since she was toddling as I used to hide presents in there. She knows to ask before going in even now she’s 12.

Can’t stand parents like your SIL.

Almostfifty · 10/02/2019 15:39

Children don't wander around their classroom with dripping paintbrushes. They sit at the designated table, do their work, then wash their hands and go to another activity.

All children of that age would understand they have to be sensible and stay away from the other room.

HopeGarden · 10/02/2019 15:40

I’d expect a typical 6, 8, and 9 yr old to be perfectly capable of understanding, and complying with, an instruction to keep out of a particular room.

My youngest would struggle with that sort of demand, but he’s 2 yrs old, a toddler, and still very impulsive. In the scenario OP describes, he’d be closely supervised, and if he tried going in the closed room, we’d be distracting him with something more appropriate and / or physically stopping him.

Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 16:28

I mean to be fair it wasn’t an issue because the boys listened but I just found it really odd

In regards to the pens and paint crayons she does it everywhere as it keeps them occupied. Over Christmas she brought over glitter craft kits to our house - she wasn’t very popular then either! (I never realised how much glitter stays around!) 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Aberforthsgoat · 10/02/2019 16:29

Posted too soon - glad it’s not just me who thinks it’s an utterly ridiculous statement to make

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/02/2019 16:31

Next time she turns up with glitter stuff dig out the gaming console Wink

emilybrontescorsett · 10/02/2019 16:31

Omg you will sounds awful.
Who the f gives their child paints to play with in someone else's house?

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