To think I'm fighting a losing battle with DD's weight?

[sickoftalkingaboutthis]

DD (5yo) is overweight. Not massively so, you wouldn't look at her and think "that's a fat child" but she is definitely carrying some extra fat around her middle and I have noticed her face looking a bit chubbier over the past few months.

Please don't flame me. I am trying very hard to address this now because I know that children who are even slightly overweight in primary often continue to struggle with their weight as they get older. I've downloaded the Food Scanner app and have become really aware of 'hidden sugars' etc, have been following NHS advice about portion sizes and snacks, cooking from scratch wherever possible etc. We walk to and from school every day, she does a weekly dance class and we take her swimming or on a long walk/bike ride every weekend. It's much easier to keep her active in the spring/summer as she's straight out in the garden on the trampoline every day after school when the weather is nice.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle because junk food seems to be everywhere.

DD is invited to a birthday party every weekend for the next four weeks, which is lovely, but of course means cake, sweets, pizza, crisps etc. Whenever we go on 'play dates' after-school her friends Mum's bring out sugary snacks and drinks and I don't feel able to say no because I don't want them to think I'm judging their dietary choices. It also seems cruel to DD to expect her to sit there while her friend eats something she's not allowed.

Every time we go round to a relatives house they offer DD biscuits or chocolate and it's really hard to decline without offending people. I also don't want to make an issue out of food in front of DD. I have mentioned to a couple of family members (when DD is out of the room) that we're trying to limit treats because we're a bit worried about her weight and they just look at me like I'm crazy and tell me "she's fine".

School dinners don't help- always things like pizza, potato wedges, burgers and chips and always followed by cake, ice-cream or something with custard. I would prefer her to have a packed lunch but she doesn't want to be 'different' or to sit away from her friends. The few kids who have packed lunches eat in a separate room.

Having realised that some of the cereals we were offering for breakfast that we thought were reasonably healthy contain a lot of hidden sugar, we've been giving her Weetabix/porridge sweetened with berries instead. DH is on board with cooking healthy meals, exercise etc but he has a fondness for sugary cereals himself and keeps eating them in front of DD. I've asked him to stop and he just says "I'm not going to eat in secret, that's ridiculous". I get his point but does he think I never fancy a chocolate Hob Nob when I'm enthusiastically cutting up veggie sticks for an after-school snack?? Of course I do, but I'm not going to eat one in front of her and expect her to be happy with a carrot!

Every day when I pick DD up from school I see children who are skinny as rakes being handed bars of chocolate, Haribo and bags of crisps as soon as they come out the door and I wonder where I'm going wrong. I'm trying so hard to make sure she has a healthy diet but she's still chubby and it all seems such a slog. I have a three month old baby, I'm knackered and it would be so easy just to think "fuck it" and give in for an easy life.

I feel like a rubbish Mum

I would challenge the school on a few points. Why are they serving squash? Why do packed lunch children have to sit separately and why can’t she have a mixture of packed lunches and hot meals? It sounds as if she might prefer the cold packed lunch.

I would also discretely ask play date mums to limit treats ( you can use the excuse as dental advice if you don’t want to sound mean). I would be having serious words with yourDH, he needs to be on board. If he was a chubby child did he genuinely not ever mind? Kids can be cruel.

Lastly have you checked out YouTube for dance related items? You could do it with her if you have the energy.

Actually if relatives offer snacks, say yes that will be nice for after your next meal dd - lets take it home.

This helps with the message you eat 3 times a day and not all day

It helps with the nutritional food not being eaten as snacks of chocolate where eaten during the afternoon

When these threads come up i always feel sorry for the poster. You'll get accusations of fat shaming and fostering eating disorders.

Start doing parkrun!

At 9am in hundreds of parks across the country, loads of people get together to do a 5k run.

At my local parkrun, there are so many families with young kids.

It’s completely free and family friendly, it’s an amazing atmosphere and it gets the whole family active together.

It’s also very addictive - you get a time and a credit for each parkrun you do, and there are rewards for 10 (if you’re a child) and 50, 100 etc.

Absolutely yes to park run - there a junior run on a Sunday which is 2km too. Well worth it.

You are probably worrying more than you need to, but that's understandable given you have a 3 month old and are probably a bit sleep deprived.

I think you need to keep this simple:

• stop worrying about what she eats outside the home
• stop buying sugary stuff for home consumption. Just don't have it in the house.
• give her plenty of opportunities to be active (and involve yourself as well if possible)

If your DH wants sugary cereals he can do the shopping (bet he doesn't).

I really like WhatNow40's advice and I think you sound like a great mum, sickoftalking. Don't let snarky posts like Wonko's throw you off. Some posters just zoom into these threads to give a kicking when they don't even know what they're talking about or the particular circumstances. Projecting is all they can do; ignore them.

I think you're very wise to tackle this now while your daughter is so young and 'teeth excuses' are a good idea as they'll deliver the same outcome that you want, ie. a healthier diet and child. Your family should absolutely be giving the same consistent message and for your husband, it's not about 'eating in secret', it's about making it easier for your daughter to follow healthy eating because that's what the family just does. Why can't he see that?

Keep posting for support

You probably aren't doing anything wrong. We all have different metabolisms. Some very thin people who can eat and eat and vice versa. Just carrying on doing what you are doing and try not to worry too much. It's time people just accept that we all come in different shapes and sizes.

We'll done for noticing there might be a problem and looking at ways to tackle it.
Personally I think restrictions around food can be counter productive. But you do need to not have sugar on tap and to look at what you're all eating, not just your DD. You really have to model good behaviours too.
Portion size is really important and I think many people offer kids more than they need and it becomes a habit to eat that amount. Never ever make kids clear their plates or make a pudding conditional on eating all of a meal.
My DD was a solid 5 year old but is now a willowy tween.

I think you definitely need to involve your daughter in a conversation around making good choices, everything in moderation etc. That will help set her up for life. I certainly wouldn’t mention weight at all. I’d stop buying junk too on the principle of out of sight out of mind, especially if other members of your household can’t be arsed to support you on this.

Re the school dinners, if it’s as junk foody as you say, I think your might have to put your foot down about the packed lunches, regardless of whether she likes to sit with her friends or not. We’re very lucky that our school dinner provision is excellent and healthy so I don’t have to factor that in.

I work on an 80/20 ratio - I make sure what she has at home is mostly healthy and then she can have what she wants when she’s at a party. I’ve involved her in this so it’s not just me hovering about monitoring her diet.

why can’t she have a mixture of packed lunches and hot meals?

DH has just said he thinks it's because they're all entitled to free school lunches now at this age. The school don't want to be buying food that gets wasted because half the kids who've opted in to the hot meal are bringing a packed lunch whenever they feel like it. Maybe he's right, I don't know. I will definitely bring it up at parents evening.

You are NOT a rubbish Mum

It’s unfair really

Keep the exercise up , increase if you can . Cook heathy at home and this shall pass

Agree the cereals ! Ugh sugar pits

Don’t feel bad at yourself OP

Don’t feel bad OP
I did read somewhere that it’s amazing that everyone ISNT obese with the way we as a society deal with food

In the rush to panic about eating disorders I would say this-being obese is an eating disorder. Being over weight is an eating disorder. So don’t worry about restricting unhealthy foods but be creative with the message.

Eg we have diabetes on my DH side and I was shocked to see how much sugar is in kids foods. I’ve told my daughter-too much sugar makes your blood bad. And the other day she told me if you eat too many biscuits you get a fat tummy. I winced at that-we are so conditioned now to panic about EDs. But she’s right! (She got this off of Daddy Pig on Peppa)

I try to look for options for my DD which will fill her up. Full fat everything, make sure meals contain enough fat and protein as cereals/bread/fruit/pasta are not filling and just take you on that insulin rollercoaster.

And snacks-a lot of it is boredom so I offer things like piece of cheese or some chopped up nuts..if they’re rejected then sorry you’re not hungry.

I think that as long as you know you are doing your best for her in terms of calories and balanced diet etc. - and it sounds from what you have said that you are - then don't sweat it and don't see it as a battle that you are losing. Reframe it in terms of getting her into the right habits, which it sounds like you are doing well - and she sounds like she is doing ok.

I know what you mean about junk and shite being offered literally at every opportunity. I am lucky that our school does not have people who celebrate birthdays so we don't do much of that. It does seem that every opportunity is an excuse to 'treat' kids though and it all adds up.

Is there a park run that you could do at the weekend? I discovered it recently and mine went there this morning for the first time. There is a website and I think they go on all over the place, give it a google...there were adults jogging/walking with their children and it might be a nice bonding experience for you both??

I don't really get it, I grew up eating chips with every meal, very few veggies and sweets most days and I was very slim as a child. We didn't do many after school activities either.

I totally get it, when we where kids there where less electronic devices no 24 hour kids TV and at 5 years old I probably spent most of my time out of the house playing with the other kids in our street. Even inn cold weather unless it bucketed down with rain, we where out a lot more.

Kids can do a lot more exercise then most parent's relise. At 7 DD was training for her first triathlon, swimming 2 times a week for an hour, a running session and an hours bike session on different days and she could easily cope with it.

Here are some ideas that may appeal to a sweet tooth:
Shredded unsweetened coconut
Nut butters (pecan butter is very sweet, make sure u buy unsweetened) they are nice if you dip raw veg in
We get frozen berries as berries are a low sugar fruit. Defrost a few then blend with full fat Greek yog. My daughter likes this.
Gold top milk
Fat fat fat
IMO the idea that fat is fattening was the biggest mistake of the past few decades.

OP, this sort of thing is really hard. I have three-year-old non-identical twin boys. They are both very tall for their age, but one is noticeably leaner. He eats more than his brother most of the time, and I genuinely don’t know where he puts it. His stomach is practically a six pack and he is slim. His brother tends to carry more weight. It’s clear on his belly, but his arms and legs are also a bit bigger. The thing is, they eat the same meals, same snacks/treats, they do the same activities. It’s just that one is stockier than the other. I feel for him, because that’s how I am as well, and it’s hard growing up being a bit bigger than the other kids, knowing you can’t eat the same as them without putting on weight. I am careful with their diets, but I try to place an emphasis on staying active, and I think that’s going to be the key to keeping them healthy as they get older and gradually make more independent decisions about their food. I think that you’re doing all the right things.

I’ve not read the whole thread so apologies if this has been said but have you got a games console that you could get some dance / active games for that she could play on after school to increase the amount of exercise .

Very wise to address this discreetly now OP, healthy options and appropriate size portions are good and try to find ways to up her exercise like dance videos/kid's exercise videos, even do step aerobics together, it's fun and really good exercise. Children under 8 need 3 hours of exercise every day - one hour of hard exercise like running around (playing tag at playtime for instance) and trampolining, and 2 hours of moderate exercise like brisk walking, cycling, playing catch type games with a ball.

OP, you are doing a great job so don’t panic. I have 3 DD, all of which were well covered during early primary school years, but all grew up to be lovely and slim. Sometimes it is just the way they are made/genetics. I would stop the school dinners personally, I can’t believe some schools criticise what goes in pack lunches when they serve up sugary puddings every day! Perhaps speak to the school about their policy of segregating them.

OP I think you are doing all the right things but I really wouldn't worry about what happens at other people's houses. She is mostly at your house and 'this is what we do' works. I remember asking for Coke and things saying 'everyone else has them' . I'm sure similar was being said in all houses. No need to criticise others or talk about weight . Just keep providing healthy food at home.by the way your husband cannot set bad examples like this. You should all be eating the same.

I think you're doing really well OP. It'd hard with a new baby as well. I'd speak to your husband again it seems a bit mean to eat stuff in front of her she isn't allowed! Like smoking in front of someone who has just given up!
It is hard to control things out of the home. When there are no other kids there I think it's a bit easier to say no thanks we've already had a treat this weekend or something. When other kids are having stuff it's impossible. I think as they get older there will be less parties though, they are at that age of whole class parties but I think this gradually tails off. Sometimes I feed mine before we go to a party, she still has junky stuff but not quite as much

Sounds you are doing everything right, think you will see a difference eventually!

OP you're doing a great job!

There's a whole load of dance/yoga workouts on youtube which could be fun for you both to do - even doing a few here and there helps get the blood pumping during the cold weather.

Maybe you could offer to do more playdates at yours to stop other parents giving junk to your LO.

i've been living in the US for a while and moving back it was so strange that over here we're still in the 90s with giving junk to kids at parties/playdates/randomly. Where I was living apart from cake and a few crisps in a bowl the other food was relatively healthy at parties - the occasional sweet treat isn't going to cause harm but when they're at a birthday party a week (at least), plus school/extra curricular parties/play dates it all adds up.

It’s really hard when you’re making loads of effort at home but it all gets sabotaged by people thinking they’re being nice and giving the kids “treats” at every opportunity.

I guess the way to look at it is that if you weren’t trying hard with her diet at home the situation would be even worse.

I’d say persevere, get people you visit regularly on board with it. Put contents of party bags in a treat jar “for another day” and then lose most of them (my dh eats ours and the kids generally don’t notice!)

From an exercise perspective, as well as proper exercise, when we’re at home we sometimes put music on for the kids and make them do sit ups, star jumps, burpees and running on the spot for about 15 mins every now and again when we feel like they’ve got too much energy. You could try that after school, or dance dvds if she likes dance - there must be some out there designed for kids to dance along to.

MigGril

Growing up we had a chocolate bowl on the coffee table that was never really rationed. I had a packet of crisps with my packed lunch with some kind of cake/sweet. I was never fat (far from it), and I've never been a fat adult either. But I do remember kids eating a lot more junk than me, also been a rake but a soon as they hit 16 the weight just got to them. When I was young I was allowed to play in the fields or in the woods, spend all day regardless of the weather outside with friends making dens or playing hide and seek. When people started to drive they still had their old eating habits but barely any of the exercise of walking into town/walking to see friends/walking out of sight of parents. I think in a way it's better now to get 5 year olds into better eating habits as it's easier to build good habits than trying to crack old ones once the pounds start to go on.