To think I'm fighting a losing battle with DD's weight?

[sickoftalkingaboutthis]

DD (5yo) is overweight. Not massively so, you wouldn't look at her and think "that's a fat child" but she is definitely carrying some extra fat around her middle and I have noticed her face looking a bit chubbier over the past few months.

Please don't flame me. I am trying very hard to address this now because I know that children who are even slightly overweight in primary often continue to struggle with their weight as they get older. I've downloaded the Food Scanner app and have become really aware of 'hidden sugars' etc, have been following NHS advice about portion sizes and snacks, cooking from scratch wherever possible etc. We walk to and from school every day, she does a weekly dance class and we take her swimming or on a long walk/bike ride every weekend. It's much easier to keep her active in the spring/summer as she's straight out in the garden on the trampoline every day after school when the weather is nice.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle because junk food seems to be everywhere.

DD is invited to a birthday party every weekend for the next four weeks, which is lovely, but of course means cake, sweets, pizza, crisps etc. Whenever we go on 'play dates' after-school her friends Mum's bring out sugary snacks and drinks and I don't feel able to say no because I don't want them to think I'm judging their dietary choices. It also seems cruel to DD to expect her to sit there while her friend eats something she's not allowed.

Every time we go round to a relatives house they offer DD biscuits or chocolate and it's really hard to decline without offending people. I also don't want to make an issue out of food in front of DD. I have mentioned to a couple of family members (when DD is out of the room) that we're trying to limit treats because we're a bit worried about her weight and they just look at me like I'm crazy and tell me "she's fine".

School dinners don't help- always things like pizza, potato wedges, burgers and chips and always followed by cake, ice-cream or something with custard. I would prefer her to have a packed lunch but she doesn't want to be 'different' or to sit away from her friends. The few kids who have packed lunches eat in a separate room.

Having realised that some of the cereals we were offering for breakfast that we thought were reasonably healthy contain a lot of hidden sugar, we've been giving her Weetabix/porridge sweetened with berries instead. DH is on board with cooking healthy meals, exercise etc but he has a fondness for sugary cereals himself and keeps eating them in front of DD. I've asked him to stop and he just says "I'm not going to eat in secret, that's ridiculous". I get his point but does he think I never fancy a chocolate Hob Nob when I'm enthusiastically cutting up veggie sticks for an after-school snack?? Of course I do, but I'm not going to eat one in front of her and expect her to be happy with a carrot!

Every day when I pick DD up from school I see children who are skinny as rakes being handed bars of chocolate, Haribo and bags of crisps as soon as they come out the door and I wonder where I'm going wrong. I'm trying so hard to make sure she has a healthy diet but she's still chubby and it all seems such a slog. I have a three month old baby, I'm knackered and it would be so easy just to think "fuck it" and give in for an easy life.

I feel like a rubbish Mum

Ignore Wonko. What a twat!
I think you sound as though you are taking lots of sensible steps and, on top of that, are taking care not to single her out or draw attention to what you are doing in any way. That is the absolute opposite of setting her up for an eating disorder.
I also use dental health as a rationale for not consuming unhealthy snacks. Dentists do not object to sugar as part of a main meal but really do not want children consuming sugary snacks. It is a way of making the same point without having to assign overtly negative qualities to sweet treats.
If you made an appointment for a dental check-up, a sympathetic dentist would have stickers & leaflets aimed at children and would praise your child for keeping treats to certain times of the day.

Could you fill her up on healthier options before the birthday parties? Or do you think she'd eat twice?

We just tell the kids that everyone's house is different 🤷 so yes, granny and grandpa night have sweets and squash (despite our not having them at home growing up...go figure) and little Johnny's house has a free for all biscuit tin but we don't.

Activity is a massive part of it. Our kids were home educated for a few years and so had endless time to be active. They were on the move more or less all day in one form or another. In fact getting them to sit down was a bit of an issue, but that's how kids are designed. Now they have started school in the last few months their activity levels are way down. They're at desks with two break times a day and two PE lessons a week. Yes,they do stuff after school but at this time of year it is hard.

They do watch GoNoodle on YouTube which is very popular and quite active, my 8.5 yr old daughter likes looking up exercise videos and following them (clearly not my child 😂) so they do their best

A party tea, will be 1 or 2 meals out of 21, so don't fight that battle denying her these will make her stand out and miserable. Same with playdates.

Re the cereal, your DH needs to grow up and accept that he can't have them in the house. DD is too little to understand why Dad can eat things she can't, without interpreting it as she is naughty or bad. If he wants to eat them could he not have them at work?

Porridge and berries every day sounds miserable for a little kid, could she not have egg, or apple and cheese some days? These will be filling and tasty.

I would however, put her on to packed lunches. Just do it, she will not be on her own, kids talk to each other if they are together. If you are able to though, treat her to an AMAZING lunch carrier that she picks herself and if you have the time and inclination (I know this can be hard when you are working and have kids, so not a dig!) find some Pinterest ideas for lunch boxes and ask her to choose what she likes. Cookie cutters for sandwhiches could be fun too.

Lots of emphasis on play rather than 'exercise'.

You are a good mum, btw.

Op what does her daily meals consist of

Breakfast is one Weetabix/shredded wheat/some porridge with berries. A slice of wholemeal toast afterwards if she's still hungry. She was having Granola or Jordon's cereal regularly but when we realised how much sugar was in them we stopped that. Weekends she might have scrambled egg or beans on toast, or very occasionally a blueberry pancake but that's rare.

They are given a piece of fruit at school for snack mid-morning.

Lunch is school dinners which I've mentioned.

After-school snack will usually be something like a slice of malt loaf/carrot and celery sticks/a Babybel. Sometimes she doesn't ask for a snack so I don't offer one.

Tea is usually cold during the week as she doesn't like to have two hot meals in one day. She loves sandwiches but I don't want her having too much bread as it makes her constipated so we try to mix it up with things like pasta salad, veggie samosas, cold chicken/ham, a wholemeal wrap, carrot and pepper sticks with hummus or olives, cheese etc. Sometimes she'll have soup. It varies. Occasionally she will have a handful (hers not mine) of crisps.

At weekends we might have homemade cottage pie with veggies, fajitas, fish pie or homemade fish cakes, chicken with baked potato and veg, spaghetti Bolognese (we don't use jarred sauces), sometimes a roast.

Pudding at home is usually yoghurt or fruit. Occasionally I might make a fruit crumble or something if we have people over.

We don't limit anything in our house. We don't have a concept such as treats. As a result, possibly, my kids arent really into sweet stuff or junk food.

Oh is it you again? The woman who starts a thread every 6 months about her child being overweight

There are quite a lot of overweight children out there you know.

The winter months are always difficult to do outside exercise. Once April's here it will be easier.
Perhaps in the meantime you could consider getting 2nd hand dance/exercise type dvds from charity shops and doing them with her?

We don't limit anything in our house. We don't have a concept such as treats. As a result, possibly, my kids arent really into sweet stuff or junk food

We have the same policy. I have one child who can take or leave sweet stuff/junk, and whose favourite part of any meal is the veg. I have another child (obviously brought up in the same house with the same policy) who has the sweetest tooth imaginable and would fill up on junk if ever given the chance. It’s not that simple.

No, I'm not overweight and neither is DH. He was chubby as a child though so I think that's why he's not taking it very seriously.

I haven't rtft. Just wanted to say you are taking control, it is also puppy fat but making healthier food choices is great for everyone, it is a battleground.
My DD is slim and my DS eats less and he is chunky., although she has a winter belly now.
Once the good weather hits, the weight will come off, do fruit kebabs etc, it is easier to eat lighter food in good weather.
To add you sound like a great mam, it is a battle some DCs diets are harder to control. I have 2 sisters. 2 of us slim as a kid, the other was really chubby, even if DM did everything she would finish our plates, go to other houses for snacks, like many adults that over eat, it is a compulsion, it can be the same for a child.

YANBU at all trying to address it, also YANBU that kids constantly have junk foisted on them. It's difficult fkr you to influence what she is offered outside the home. I'd try to talk to relatives if you see them regularly and not worry too much about parties. Do you have a Junior Parkrun near you? Free timed weekly 2k run for 4-14yr olds, and they can earn wristbands and try to beat their PB. Do Sportspound offer anything? We have free Streetgames sessions in the local park. It's very telling that you got (quite vehement) responses telling you not to change anything - that's exactly the attitude that lets a chubby child in Reception become an obese child leaving primary - heaven forfend that any child should ever be mildly hungry!

Your DH has to realise that children learn from their parents. He needs to sacrifice eating unhealthy food, and give a good example to his children. Why is he assuming he can still do this but would just do it in secret?

For a child to have healthy attitude to food, the whole family needs to support this, not just you.

Don't buy unhealthy food anymore. I had a similar problem. I just stopped buying biscuits, fizzy drinks and sweetened cereals. Then DH couldn't eat them in front of the children. He was too lazy to shop for them himself, so job done!

I agree with you OP that there is an idea (correct as far as it goes)that if your meals at home are mainly healthy the odd treat won't hurt. But then kids are just given so many opportunities to eat unhealthy treats when out. This means it becomes even more difficult to accomodate the odd unhealthy choice at home if you one day fancy making a pudding or something.
Actually I think this can be the case for adults too. How many times has my healthy eating plan been derailed by kind friends bringing cake to work and so on.
With your dd I think that you need to look for ways to limit this damage while not impacting her friendships and social life. So don't cut out parties but you could try to replace some of the play dates with activities like dancing classes. Make lots of invites to your house. Make sure the healthy meals you have at home are really nice so she will come to prefer that sort of food as she grows up.
With regard to school meals they may be healthier than they sound. Schools are supposed to follow certain healthy eating guidelines. So you may find they are doing a healthier version of a favourite meal and the cakes have reduced sugar etc. I would look into this and find out if the correct portions are being given too. The school should support you in this. If not you may have to look into giving a lunchbox but it is worth talking to the school first.

My eldest was pretty chubby right up til the beginning of puberty - he’s 18 now and skinny as a beanpole.

Finding and encouraging lots of physical activity was our main course of action - he wasn’t interested in school/team sports but he got a skateboard for his 11th birthday and never looked back. It’s still a massive part of his life now and he made sure to take it to uni with him.

We were greatly helped on the squash issue by the dentist who always told the children not to have it except at parties.Also a friend of hers needed filling so we had a talk about sugar and toothbrushing.
We had Saturday as a treat day.She had 50p worth of sweets,the 2p ones and she had to add them up herself.Salt n shake crisps and j20 watching TV with her dad.
Teachers giving out sweets as rewards in class was my big bug bear.
And I'm with the OP on weighing children you should be guided by wetheryou can see their ribs.
All I can see is that you carry on as you are OP,maybe slightly smaller portions.The reward will be that she will be used to healthy food and enjoy it and good habits often follow you to adulthood .

Nice try OP, I recognise your writing style

I can't be bothered to argue with you so you can think what you like. I started this thread because I'm worried about my child. Thankfully most people have been kind and helpful.

You are fighting a bit of a losing battle if you have the deadly combination of a child who is really oriented around sweet things, and then an environment of constant sweets, treats, parties, playdates and it all around you all the time.

I know as I had one like that and one who isn't.

The things that have helped along the way have been - to stop school dinners, these are carb heavy nutritionally not great meals- my dd always lost weight when taking in a normal packed lunch (sandwich, fruit, possibly a treat, water to drink). The other was her getting older and realising that her weight is in her power, and if she continually mainlines sweet treats when out, then comfort eats at home, she will be big. This has prompted her to start behaving a bit more balanced around food and to make good choices a good deal of the time.

It is hard, just keep it healthy at home, perhaps even refuse 'extras' if you can (mine was awful at birthday parties, would be having a third slice of cake), keep it all not too dramatic and talk about what a healthy diet looks like as she gets older.

It is hard though!

At this age I think it helps to give them lots of attention when cooking healthier food together. Chicken strips home made with different flavours, interesting stir fries with lots of baby veg. When you want pudding, fruit kebabs, home made fruit jellies (real ones), milk "pannacotta" with raspberries. I once served strawberries and other fruit with just the top dipped in chocolate and some of the mums whose kids were less keen on fruit were surprised to see the large trays vanish, leaving the crisps!

I will look into the Junior Parkrun, thank you.

Nice try OP, I recognise your writing style
It is ok to raise it every few month's for new advice. If it is an on going issue for the OP and her DD, why not.
Have she had blood tests for thyroid problems OP

*has

Just keep going with the activity and healthy eating. Both my kids were over wieght technically at this age and we're fed low sugar food from weaning dad's a type 1 diabetic so hidden sugar always on our radar. What ever we did untill puberty they were big. Puberty hit and the 15 user old is 5 10 and wears size 32 inch trousers and goes to the gym 3 times week. Weighs 11.5 . Still high on the BMI but you can see his ribs n the GP was worried about him being too slim when he was their last with food poisoning. Daughter exactly the same 4 11 weighs 7 stone dances 6 hours a week plus or ext. Still high on bmi but can see her ribs too. Both are muscular. BMI is fine as a guide but you must also consider body shape and genetics.

You sound like a fantastic mum, ignore the idiot posters saying you’re setting her up for an eating disorder, that’s nonsense. To be aware of how to have a healthy lifestyle is nothing like having an eating disorder.

Have you thought about something like Nintendo Wii Fit? I think you can pick them up quite cheaply secondhand now. It’s a fun way to exercise especially when the weather is bad. And something as simple as a hula hoop? Or a dance mat?

Also I would be going in and having a word with the school if I were you. There’s no excuse to be serving crap like that for school lunches. In this day and age school lunches are generally much more healthy than what you’ve described, the school should really be making an effort to serve better food. And it’s shocking that they give them squash. If that’s the only hot meal she gets each day, that isn’t great tbh. Is she getting her 5 a day? You could maybe make it fun, get a chart with pictures of fruit and veg on and she can count them up each day.

Don’t stress about the parties, she’ll want to fit in with the others. No harm in having a word for the play dates - tell the mums in advance no sweet stuff and water only to drink.

Good luck!