To think I'm fighting a losing battle with DD's weight?

[sickoftalkingaboutthis]

DD (5yo) is overweight. Not massively so, you wouldn't look at her and think "that's a fat child" but she is definitely carrying some extra fat around her middle and I have noticed her face looking a bit chubbier over the past few months.

Please don't flame me. I am trying very hard to address this now because I know that children who are even slightly overweight in primary often continue to struggle with their weight as they get older. I've downloaded the Food Scanner app and have become really aware of 'hidden sugars' etc, have been following NHS advice about portion sizes and snacks, cooking from scratch wherever possible etc. We walk to and from school every day, she does a weekly dance class and we take her swimming or on a long walk/bike ride every weekend. It's much easier to keep her active in the spring/summer as she's straight out in the garden on the trampoline every day after school when the weather is nice.

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle because junk food seems to be everywhere.

DD is invited to a birthday party every weekend for the next four weeks, which is lovely, but of course means cake, sweets, pizza, crisps etc. Whenever we go on 'play dates' after-school her friends Mum's bring out sugary snacks and drinks and I don't feel able to say no because I don't want them to think I'm judging their dietary choices. It also seems cruel to DD to expect her to sit there while her friend eats something she's not allowed.

Every time we go round to a relatives house they offer DD biscuits or chocolate and it's really hard to decline without offending people. I also don't want to make an issue out of food in front of DD. I have mentioned to a couple of family members (when DD is out of the room) that we're trying to limit treats because we're a bit worried about her weight and they just look at me like I'm crazy and tell me "she's fine".

School dinners don't help- always things like pizza, potato wedges, burgers and chips and always followed by cake, ice-cream or something with custard. I would prefer her to have a packed lunch but she doesn't want to be 'different' or to sit away from her friends. The few kids who have packed lunches eat in a separate room.

Having realised that some of the cereals we were offering for breakfast that we thought were reasonably healthy contain a lot of hidden sugar, we've been giving her Weetabix/porridge sweetened with berries instead. DH is on board with cooking healthy meals, exercise etc but he has a fondness for sugary cereals himself and keeps eating them in front of DD. I've asked him to stop and he just says "I'm not going to eat in secret, that's ridiculous". I get his point but does he think I never fancy a chocolate Hob Nob when I'm enthusiastically cutting up veggie sticks for an after-school snack?? Of course I do, but I'm not going to eat one in front of her and expect her to be happy with a carrot!

Every day when I pick DD up from school I see children who are skinny as rakes being handed bars of chocolate, Haribo and bags of crisps as soon as they come out the door and I wonder where I'm going wrong. I'm trying so hard to make sure she has a healthy diet but she's still chubby and it all seems such a slog. I have a three month old baby, I'm knackered and it would be so easy just to think "fuck it" and give in for an easy life.

I feel like a rubbish Mum

We don't limit anything in our house. We don't have a concept such as treats. As a result, possibly, my kids arent really into sweet stuff or junk food

ds had a friend like that when young, ds stayed for dinner one evening and they were told to take something from the sweet jar after. The friend was polite and let ds choose first, he took a Cadbury Fudge. The friend then took a plastic plate and 4 full size chocolate bars out the cupboard for himself as that was what he usually had. ds declined anymore as he was carefully taught not to overdo treats and if he had picked out 4 chocolate bars at home would have been told no.

We took same friend to KFC for a treat, ds had a snack box, friend asked for a large Zinger burger meal, 6 hot wings on the side and a krushem saying that is what he normally had. He was told no (I said it was a cost thing). Parents confirmed that is what he normally ate at KFC.

Guess which one ended up obese by the time there were 10? His mother couldnt work out why, he was always big built (overweight to you and me) and he wasn't eating more than usual. Not limiting treats doesn't work for every child and it is more likely you have taught them over the years, if not purposely then subconsciously through example, to make better decisions.

OP you are doing the right thing being aware of it now. Don't make a big deal of it, but encourage healthy eating at home, especially drinks. Getting them enjoying a cold glass of water instead of squash or fizz really helps. Parties cant be helped but the rest of the day/week should compensate for that. Look at community activities as they are usually much cheaper than dance (ds does footie at £20 a month for 2 mid week training sessions and 1 Saturday match at week, he has done Karate was only £4 a week, boxing gym exercise class not fighting £3 a week).

If that’s the only hot meal she gets each day, that isn’t great tbh. Is she getting her 5 a day?

She gets her 5 a day easily. One thing I will say for the School is they always offer vegetables (usually baby carrots, green beans and sweetcorn) alongside the chips and other junk and she does really like veg so will polish them off. She has always preferred cold food to hot, since she was a baby. I don't know why.

I don't limit portion size (I do for sweet things as DS in particular would just keep going until he was sick, DD would have a bit then stop) - kids need to learn to listen to their appetite. I do however only give them a reasonable first portion. If they're still hungry they'll ask for more.

You sound like a fantastic mum, ignore the idiot posters saying you’re setting her up for an eating disorder, that’s nonsense. To be aware of how to have a healthy lifestyle is nothing like having an eating disorder.

This ^^

And don't be afraid to buy a set of bathroom scales. They're not the work of the devil as some MNetters will have you believe!

Just pop them in the bathroom. If she shows an interest, let her jump on. If not then just don't mention them.

My kids grew up with a pair in the bathroom as did I, and it was no different to having a toilet roll holder.

Sounds like you’re doing really well and making sensible choices and habits for her to follow.

Don’t forget that the aim is not for her to lose weight, but for her height to catch up with her weight. So in 6-12 months she’ll be a normal weight and you can then increase her portions to keep her a normal weight.

You sound like a great Mum.

Also, could you try encouraging her to take a packed lunch just once a week?

That way she might make friends with the kids who have them regularly and may want them more often.

OP. Check out if there are any junior park runs near you. Free, volunteer led and fab. It's a 2km run for children every Sunday at 9.30. All over and done in 20minutes and great for burning off energy and getting children into active habits.

And I think you're right to address this now. So many people are in denial about the amount of shite their children consume on a weekly basis and how little exercise they do.

She's 5. She's probably about to have a growth spurt. Kids get chunkier for several months before one then shoot up. Yabu.

Cut yourself some slack, you have a 3 month old baby.

You are doing the right thing at home which is where she will pick up her eating habits.

We did allow squash but only with a meal. Water the rest of the time and the eldest now prefers to drink water.

If she likes dancing get some just dance videos going on YouTube. During winter we used to do a mad 15 minutes dancing - God it killed me

She is at the age when they do carry a little extra weight due to growth spurts. My youngest didn't lose her toddler pot belly for years. She always seemed a little stockier than her big sister then suddenly her limbs thinned out and are now thinner than her very slim older sister. She still sometimes carries a pot belly but I can see her ribs and spine. I think it's just where she carries weight.

Just keep an eye on her and in a few months time you will be in a better position to get some extra outdoor activities. I think at this age the advice is to model good habits but if they are overweight to try to stop them gaining more extra but leave it to the growth spurts for them to slim out.

Don't feel guilty about having different habits at home. Kids will understand. My two have never been offered sugar or salt to add to meals so they are just used to it.

I like popcorn as a snack. Put in a pan with a little oil and put the lid on. Sprinkle with a dusting of cinnamon/cocoa/icing sugar. My kids love it.

Why is it an issue to have only one (or maybe even none!) hot meals a day?!

I think she’s due a growth spurt OP. I can’t see how you can cut down in what you’re giving her, unless you’re massively understating her portion sizes. Everything you’ve said sounds normal to me, I have three boys who don’t do any outside activities aside from waking to and from school, none of them are overweight and two of them skirt underweight. They all eat well though, and DH and I have trained ourselves not to force eating everything on the plate like we were as kids.

Dontworry op, you're a great mum for careing, ignore the horrible poster who said that rubbish about eating disorders. I understand your concern about all the junka nd sweets they get from parties etc. Mine get that too. Sooo much party cake and sweets! Try not to worry, your dd will probably even out soon with the weight s she grows.

Parkrun is great, my lot love it.

It is worth looking further into school meals. There is a real push for then to be healthy, and I know that on the surface some of the meals don't sound healthy but actually they're 'healthy versions' to uth hidden veg, no sugar etc. Obviously a packed lunch is cool and mine have one most days, but with a baby and a lot on your plate it may reassure you to look into what they eat at school and have a few days they have school meals to give yourself a break. Our school gives the menus in advance so we pick and choose on the morning.

She's 5. She's probably about to have a growth spurt. Kids get chunkier for several months before one then shoot up. Yabu.

How is the OP being unreasonable for not wanting to take that risk?

Many anticipated grow spurts make no difference to an overweight child.

If they did, we wouldn't have a situation where last year, over 60,000 children left Primary school obese or severely obese.

People need to stop using the 'growth spurt due' and 'puppy fat' as a way of ignoring what they can see before their eyes.

Also, could you try encouraging her to take a packed lunch just once a week?

The school won't let her. They either have to have hot dinners or packed lunches, they're not allowed to do a combination of both. I don't know why. We've got parents evening next week so maybe I should ask the Teacher.

Not RTFT but when you say she is carrying extra weight in what way? Does she have a bit of a belly or is it all over? If it us just she has a belly, what is her back like? Does it curve in more than it should? I always thought I was fat when I was younger as I had a belly, it turned out I wasn't, my lower back curved in too much, that meant it pushed my stomach out further, giving me a belly.

unless you’re massively understating her portion sizes

I'm really not. I've never been one of these people who feed DC adult portion sizes. I'm always amazed at the amount of food my nieces and nephews eat. But they're really slim and DD is chubby so I don't know, maybe she will grow into her weight like people keep saying. I just don't want to take the risk. I was bullied as a child (not to do with weight) and I don't want that for her.

Vampirate it's her belly, hips and more recently face that I've noticed it. Actually her back is sort of curved though, like she's sticking her stomach out a bit when she walks. Her arms and legs look normal.

I think you have to set an example with kids; if they see you exercising regularly and eating healthy then they will do the same.

And I think it’s okay to have rules. We had a one treat a day rule and a one cup of fruit juice rule. We never ate beige. My kids were about ten before they realised you could have chicken nuggets and smiley faces at home: they thought you only got them in cafes and soft play type places.

And kids get use to eating well; I remember picking DS and his similarly raised mate up from a school residential and they were chatting in the back seat about how they had missed fruit and salad and were going to hit the fruit bowl as soon as they got home.

My eldest ones are in their twenties now and eat reall well and exercise. They see it as self respect thing and the intelligent thing to do.

I have had a thought that might help OP. As I mentioned I teach young children. I wonder ... if she likes cold foods but has hot meals at school, could she possibly be leaving food at lunch time? Staff don't always have the time to encourage food to be finished and preferred food isn't always offered, even if it is on the menu. Potentially she could be having the majority of her food later in the day. I wonder if she did have her preferred food whilst away from you, then you could provide the hot meal. She would then get the energy earlier in the day when she needs it. And even if she ate less in the evening with you then at least the balance would be more appropriate?

Committed cardinal sin and haven’t read the whole thread and I have no medical qualifications but there were a couple of girls in both my sons’s years who were on the chubby side, puberty hit and overnight they were thin.
Encourage healthy eating without weaponising food and fun exercise and relax. Parties won’t be so often as she goes through school. Stop beating yourself up.

Your school sounds awful on the food side. Never heard of not been able to choose packed lunch some days, school dinners other days. Absolutely never heard of a school providing squash, that is dreadful. Food also sounds generally dire. Definitely question the school on this.

I haven’t read all the comments but there’s videos on YouTube for kids yoga or fun workout videos. My son used to them in school, some of them are more like dance routines.

Sounds like you are doing so much right OP. Have lots of healthy snacks, exercise as a family plus her classes. I have three dc and I always found when weight came on a bit (even 3-5lbs is a massive difference in a young child) they often had a growth spurt after. She could be in that phase.

I would say if you are at the parties with her encourage good choices, one of my dc was at a party yesterday, she had a couple crisps but loved the fruit tray and that has nothing to do with weight (that dc is naturally very slender) but because we prioritize healthy food as normal choices in our home. My children actually find it hard when they go to parties and there's no fruit or veg options. They are just so used to it being part of every meal, snack and party, even on a strict budget.

I try to ensure my dc have some activity daily, either a lesson or something as a family like a long walk or swimming. Today we are off skating in fact. And then have healthy food. I limit "treats" to Sunday after dinner and special occasions. And ensure I don't use food as a reward.

I have a feeling you are doing lots right and the rest will follow. Don't be hard on yourself.

Sounds like you’re a very thoughtful mum trying to do the best by your dd

Parties - just a sippy egg and soldiers for supper afterwards

Swap cereal for porridge or a little rice and fish

Beans on toast is a meal, as is sardines on toast. If dd is having a two course lunch make sure supper is much lighter but nutritious

As for relatives suggesting she’s fine, say yes she is but you don’t want to be the reason she isn’t so you...