AIBU to think some posters on here lie?

[mystar]

This leads on from the drinking thread. Yes, when my daughter was a baby I barely drank but she’s now 12 so I don’t think twice about smashing a bottle of wine on a Friday or Saturday night.

Obviously if she was ill it would be a different story.

When she was at junior school her pack up regularly included Pom bears or the the Aldi equivalent. And, every now and again we have dinner which consists of freezer tapas or a beige platter (chips/goujons etc). We even sometimes have said platter in front of the tv.

I also swear inadvertently in front of her and I don’t use my recycling bins properly.

Sometimes when I read things on here I think I must be the worst mother in the world. AIBU to think I am normal? Are there others out there like me?

also find it unbelievable how many people are No Contact with close family members such as mums and siblings.
I cannot think of one person I know who has zero contact with someone like this: even those who have difficult relationships have some contact.

Ah we differ there. My husband hasn’t had contact with his mum for 10years now. Sadly that does happen.

I don't tend to read MN threads and assume that anyone who has a different life to me must be lying.

People are different, their circumstances are different, their health varies, their interests vary, their backgrounds vary, and thread titles tend to be self-selecting.

Statistically speaking, it is likely that there will be more people on MN with children with SN or with dysfunctional families than the national average because MN offers support for these issues. I came on here because I couldn't speak to anyone in RL.

Statistically, it is also likely that there will be more fairly well-off families and families educating their children independently, than the national average- because MN has a reputation for being attracting this demographic, and a reputation will influence newcomers.

Alcohol use is also something that is not spread statistically evenly across the population. For some people, drinking is a part of their daily lives, for some it is a normal part of their weekend, for some it's something that plays a very small part in their lives, and some again are teetotal. Nothing odd or mendacious about that. Quite possibly, for above reasons, MN includes a higher than average no of children of alcoholics, which might lead to a certain wariness. It's just skewed statistics.

I don't tend to think people are lying as I'm surrounded by people who I know and we are all so different. Surely that is the UK and the world all over. Different people living their live, in a different way.

I tell the truth. I think I'm a good mum. My dd has sen, I home ed. I'm lazy and don't like getting up early. (Due on part to insomnia, both me and my dd)

I sometimes swear but I did go through a puritanical stage where I didn't drink at all or swear ever. I am religious. I am vegetarian. I have had severe ocd but now it's manageable after cbt.

We sometimes eat total crap but I also Batch cook from scratch, have take away and eat at least 2 salads per week. It's all on my meal plan.

I'm frugal, I love a bargain and I like saving but I do also spend. But I'm savvy and love a bargain.

I have a law degree but I haven't worked a professional job in 10 years. I also started a masters that I'm yet to finish. I have other level 3 and 4 qualifications also.

If I could never work again I would and this is the one mumsnet hate. I was a surrendered wife and I was happy to be so. My husband was abusive so we are divorcing but I have no problems with being a 1950s housewife and being at home with lots of children. In fact this is my dream life, with a loving husband of course.

I am highly intelligent and I view feminism as women having a choice with what to do with their lives and that's mine. Wanting to opt of work does not make you one dimensional or shallow. I have written books and my children even my sen dd are accomplished in drawing, music and writing.

Their are many ways to live the one life that we have. I think pp assume others are lying because they can't imagine it.. It's a complete lack of imagination and some people do live in complete bubbles where they are surrounded only by people like themselves.

Okay maybe not quite a surrendered wife but definitely the traditional way of sahm and husband working.

But we would make our decisions jointly but my religion teaches that the husband is the head of the family and would have the final say.

This viewpoint is not liked and people do assume you are lying especially when you say that you choose this as a woman and as a feminist. I am equal to any man but I do choose this for myself.

@flirtygirl what religion is that? (Although it feels they are all like that!)

@flirtygirl not to derail but that isn't equality if a man has to have the final say, that can NEVER be feminism. Ever.

I think some people like to believe in their own superiority they just "forget" the times when their own lives fail to live up to it. It's just like Facebook without the pictures

notanothernam You make decisions together but like most places and things in life, there has to be someone who makes the final decision.

A loving husband would usually opt for the discussed version that best suits his wife and also the wife might choose what best suits her husband, it's just compromise but also accepting that someone does have the final say if there is deadlock.

I don't think you can say I'm not a feminist as this is a freely made choice for myself, like it would be if I wanted to progress my career or become a porn actress or wear a burka. The fact that women in this country can make their own decisions for themselves and can choose what way they live their life's, why is this not one of many choices that a feminist can make?

I'm not saying the husband is over his wife and in some families if discussed and decided the woman will make the final decision. But someone has to make that decision. In many situations you can compromise but there are occasions when a final decision has to be made.

Sorry to derail. But sticking with the thread, people who know me know my viewpoints and on mumsnet I also express them. I can probably be identified by those who know me well. But since they know me well, nothing I say will come as a surprise to them.

Others who I see around the home ed community or acquaintances do not know me as well and could never pick me out from my posts on mumsnet. They may well think I was lying if they could.

I'm probably not how people perceive me to be (but who is?) and so they might think I was lying about my viewpoints, yet those who know me, know that I think this way.

There will be trolls and people who get a kick out of lying but I do think that in the main, most people tell the truth on mumsnet. Yes they may fudge ages, jobs and areas so as not to be identifiable but they tell the truth in what matters.

As what's the point in having an anonymous site in which you can discuss any and all subjects and are free to give your opinion.

There are lots of threads which make for an exciting read. Posters get completely caught up in them and wait impatiently for the next instalment. They are very upset when the threads are deleted because they are the work of a troll.
I think I am gullible but now, even I find myself thinking, 'Really' ??, about lots of these kinds of threads.

I think mumsnet is just like any other part of the internet...it's so easy to pretend to be the person you want to be. My DSis is all over Instagram with pictures of her perfect baby sleeping all night, perfect house, batch cooked healthy muffins. She's like that in real life too, always pretending to my parents that she doesn't drink (they don't care!) Lying about how much she's paid for things etc, etc. But I know her though and she's so unhappy. Always dissatisfied with her lot and very low self esteem. So I try to remember that when she drives me bloody mad. I am more than happy to admit that I love a 'brown tea,' love a bottle of wine and I let DS watch too much TV, but I realise that honesty comes from a place of being happy with who I am, for which I feel very lucky!

I have never lied on here in 13 years but I am certain that I have skewed situations in my head and represented them as my own truth to make me look more of a victim than I should be.

I namechange very frequently on here to avoid being identified.

I’m a teetotal and don’t drink coffee either. It’s a choice that I made about 7 years before I had my DD and never intend to go back to drinking alcohol. I was never a big drinker, but when I did drink I couldn’t cope with hangovers and everything that comes after a night out. But I would never judge other people’s choices, why would that be anyone’s business and why would anyone lie about it?

People will post on threads that draws them in. They may very well be able to say ‘my child only has wholemeal bread, healthy filling and fruit for packed lunch’ but that doesn’t mean the rest of their life is perfect. They may have other issues going on but can post something positive in that particular thread.

I've lied a bit to smudge my identity. I haven't lied for attention or drama

Today I am on my own. I didn’t get out of bed till 12. I ate a bacon sarnie and have decided not to wash. I am also drinking wine already.

If someone at work asked me what I did today I certainly wouldn’t say that. But I don’t see the point of lying on the internet.

I don’t drink because my toddler is still liable to wake at night. My son is fed a very healthy and balanced diet, because he has a heart defect so it’s important for me to look after him as best I can.

People aren’t always lying, and people aren’t saying things just to make other parents feel bad.

People lie to themselves and as PP wisely noted will get drawn to threads where they can show their best side

Can't believe they deleted my post

:), I was on and followed the bedroom photo thread!

I think some people edit the truth because otherwise someone else will rip them apart, often completely against the actual topic of the thread.

Case in point- yesterday I posted on a thread that if I did 6000 steps in a day it would basically mean I'd laid on the sofa all day. Someone picked up on it and challenged me saying that it was not true because if I'd laid on the sofa all day I would never have accrued 6000 steps unless I'd been vigorously shaking my hands back and forth all day. So I must clearly have been lying.

So next time I post something similar I will probably edit my post so that (although technically not true) the message is the same but the opportunity for busybodies to pick apart every word is diminished.

There is a horrible culture on here of tearing people apart and often for the most ridiculous things and it really spoils some threads.

And we love a bit of freezer tapas in our house!!

Ha, here’s the thing:
When I worked full time with two under two:
•recycling was throwing everything into a black bag
•shopping was done online as to whoever could deliver the quickest
•cooking was aunt Bessie’s and takeaways
•didn’t drink because I get a hangover passing a pub
Work part time, kids are older:
•everything is beautifully organised into recycling bins
•shop locally from butcher, greengrocers and independent suppliers
•cook everything from scratch
•still don’t drink, it’s not worth it.

I was a parent ready to collapse with two of us working more than full time hours, now because we have taken a step back we have time to do these things without living in complete exhaustion. So maybe people lie because it’s who they would like to be, let them live it, who cares?

That’s the problem, you only hear one side of the story, especially in Relationships where everything is the poor mans’ fault.

Some people lie for attention. Others for anonymity. Others it's their version of things. Or it's 2nd/3rd hand information.

Interestingly a friend once saw something health wise (my own) that i put online and made it clear she thought i was lying. I wasn't. She had however been so unsupportive when another health issue arose that i omitted telling her when it happened again.